Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty not too cool of a day today.
Today,I fell short.I wound up masturbating.I played with my genitals and then at the moment of orgasm,I masturbated until ejaculation.I felt miserable after that.I went for a long time without masturbating until now.
I think that I know why I gave in.I was having a little bit of emotional turmoil that happened during the week.One day this week,I was accused of being a KGB member by some guy who just looked at me and said "Here Comes The KGB,Now."I did feel angry and I had a brief episode of SSA that day but I managed to get through it.Today,not so much.I guess I was still feeling a little at edge over that whole thing and that is probably why I gave in.I did ask for forgiveness and I felt better after that.I have to continue working on my emotional issues and continue to work on controlling my anger.I haven't lost my temper in quite a while and I don't want to do so.I have been doing well in controlling it but I know that I can crack at anytime.I will just have to be careful in how I express my anger or any powerful emotions.
After that,I did a scan on my computer while running a few errands.I also managed to stop in on a friend who was admitted to a local hospital when he injured his ankle again.He was home and said that he was still in pain but feeling hopeful.I left for home.
After getting home,I took a bath and I had a light dinner of homemade chicken noodle soup.After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I had to put it on hold while I was doing a scan on my computer.But I felt that it had to be done.
Tonight is my night to entertain the crowd.I am going to be singing up a storm.I am hoping that the evening goes well.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to get well.You never know what could happen.I do have the feeling that everything will go right.Still,I hope.
I am hoping I can get through tomorrow unscathed.After today,I really need to get a better grip on my issues and work harder to control the urges.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend ahead.FJ
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a day off for me.I didn't do too much.I simply decided to relax and enjoy it.First,I picked up my paycheck and I went straight home after cashing it at my regular bank as well as buying a new movie at a local Family Video.
When I got home,I decided to take a nap for a while.I only got about 1 hour sleep but it made me feel a lot better.
After getting up,I finished my personal PC work.It was the first time in a long time that I didn't have to do it in the morning before going to work.So,I decided to hold off until the afternoon.It is now done and I can take it easy for the rest of the day.
Before I ate dinner,I decided to go out for a while.I went to my mechanic's garage to see what was taking the garage so long to get the exhaust pipe that I needed for my 4X4.But my mechanic and his assistant checked it out and they found that it could be fixed without replacing.It didn't take too long but now,it is quiet.No buzz and no fumes.The money that I paid them was all the money that was needed to fix this.I can now take it easy as regards to my vehicle.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work and I also paid a bill online.I saw that on the bill that the payment was due Tuesday and I wanted to stay on good terms with the creditor,so I paid the bill online.It is now paid and I only have three bills to worry about when the time comes for me to pay them.
Tomorrow night is my night to entertain the crowd.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.Again,I hope that the evening goes well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images nor any cravings surfaced.After having a couple of brief spells over the last couple of days,I can now breathe a sigh of relief.But the week is not over as of yet.I still have the weekend.If I can get through the weekend unscathed,I'll be alright.Again,no problems to report.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the new weekend ahead.FJ
Today was a day off for me.I didn't do too much.I simply decided to relax and enjoy it.First,I picked up my paycheck and I went straight home after cashing it at my regular bank as well as buying a new movie at a local Family Video.
When I got home,I decided to take a nap for a while.I only got about 1 hour sleep but it made me feel a lot better.
After getting up,I finished my personal PC work.It was the first time in a long time that I didn't have to do it in the morning before going to work.So,I decided to hold off until the afternoon.It is now done and I can take it easy for the rest of the day.
Before I ate dinner,I decided to go out for a while.I went to my mechanic's garage to see what was taking the garage so long to get the exhaust pipe that I needed for my 4X4.But my mechanic and his assistant checked it out and they found that it could be fixed without replacing.It didn't take too long but now,it is quiet.No buzz and no fumes.The money that I paid them was all the money that was needed to fix this.I can now take it easy as regards to my vehicle.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work and I also paid a bill online.I saw that on the bill that the payment was due Tuesday and I wanted to stay on good terms with the creditor,so I paid the bill online.It is now paid and I only have three bills to worry about when the time comes for me to pay them.
Tomorrow night is my night to entertain the crowd.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.Again,I hope that the evening goes well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images nor any cravings surfaced.After having a couple of brief spells over the last couple of days,I can now breathe a sigh of relief.But the week is not over as of yet.I still have the weekend.If I can get through the weekend unscathed,I'll be alright.Again,no problems to report.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the new weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty fair day today.
The work day went smoothly.I did what I had to do and when I was finished,I dropped everything off after eating lunch.I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped over at my mechanic's garage to check if they had gotten the front exhaust pipe for my 4X4.They told me that they hadn't because they were unsure as to what type of engine I had.I felt that they should have because they had been working on my vehicle for quite some time and they should know the in's and out's of it,especially the type of engine.They told me that they would be in touch and that they were hoping they would have the answers by tomorrow.I am hoping.I want to have the new exhaust pipe on soon.I have had it with the buzz that was coming from me driving it.
The reason why I had a fair day was because of mot only this factor described above but because I received a rude false accusation from a very inconsiderate person.The person had the nerve to say "Here's The KGB,Now!" and that really floored me.I almost lost my temper with this guy.This wasn't the only experience that I would have with this particular individual.This person has always tried to rub me the wrong way and it has cause quite a bit of tension between the two of us.Fortunately,another person intervened and it didn't escalate into something much worse.I simply left the person to go and finish my job off.I didn't have the time to tangle with him nor did I want to.
When I got home,I simply took a nap because I felt tired.I was hoping to simply rest for about an hour but wound up sleeping for a 1/2 hour more.I did feel better as a result.
After eating,I decided to finish my personal PC work.I started it at work and I finished it at home.I also went out to run for my mom.I had to pick up a small item that she needed.I also took a little drive around the town.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode.As a result of what had happened today,I was having images flooding my mind like crazy.Fortunately,I didn't give into the images.I simply hung in there and just let them fade away.The nap did do me a lot of good.
Tomorrow is a day off.I am just going to pick up my paycheck and cash it and I am hoping that the front exhaust pipe will be in so I can get it on my vehicle.I am fed up with the buzz that is coming when I am driving it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day went smoothly.I did what I had to do and when I was finished,I dropped everything off after eating lunch.I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped over at my mechanic's garage to check if they had gotten the front exhaust pipe for my 4X4.They told me that they hadn't because they were unsure as to what type of engine I had.I felt that they should have because they had been working on my vehicle for quite some time and they should know the in's and out's of it,especially the type of engine.They told me that they would be in touch and that they were hoping they would have the answers by tomorrow.I am hoping.I want to have the new exhaust pipe on soon.I have had it with the buzz that was coming from me driving it.
The reason why I had a fair day was because of mot only this factor described above but because I received a rude false accusation from a very inconsiderate person.The person had the nerve to say "Here's The KGB,Now!" and that really floored me.I almost lost my temper with this guy.This wasn't the only experience that I would have with this particular individual.This person has always tried to rub me the wrong way and it has cause quite a bit of tension between the two of us.Fortunately,another person intervened and it didn't escalate into something much worse.I simply left the person to go and finish my job off.I didn't have the time to tangle with him nor did I want to.
When I got home,I simply took a nap because I felt tired.I was hoping to simply rest for about an hour but wound up sleeping for a 1/2 hour more.I did feel better as a result.
After eating,I decided to finish my personal PC work.I started it at work and I finished it at home.I also went out to run for my mom.I had to pick up a small item that she needed.I also took a little drive around the town.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode.As a result of what had happened today,I was having images flooding my mind like crazy.Fortunately,I didn't give into the images.I simply hung in there and just let them fade away.The nap did do me a lot of good.
Tomorrow is a day off.I am just going to pick up my paycheck and cash it and I am hoping that the front exhaust pipe will be in so I can get it on my vehicle.I am fed up with the buzz that is coming when I am driving it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went well.There were no messes to clean up.It was already bagged and ready for me to pick up and drop off at the work site.After I sorted it all out,I had lunch and I continued to get through the rest of the day.
I had to mail out several greeting cards for my mom and I also dropped off some gifts at a friend of the family's.I also had to to a local supermarket to buy a couple of things for my mom.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I tried to connect a brand new VCR/DVD recorder combo that was DTV compatible but it didn't turn on for me to test it.I did contact the place that I bought it through mail order and they simply told me that I needed to send it back and get a replacement one and when I get the replacement one,I am hoping that this one will work.I was hoping to have a unit that would be compatible with the DTV converter box that is hooked up to the TV but it didn't work out that way.Oh well!I guess you can't win them all.
After eating a light dinner,I did some catching up on my personal PC work.I did some this morning and this was some last minute stuff that I needed to do.Overall,a pretty good day despite the setback with the new VCR/DVD combo.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode today,I was also playing with my genitals until I was almost at the point of orgasm.Fortunately,I stopped.I was still tired and the images were starting to flood my mind and as a result,I almost gave into the temptation.But I didn't.Still,it happened and I still need to be on guard for these to happen.They can creep up on me when I least expect it.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The laundry pick-up went well.There were no messes to clean up.It was already bagged and ready for me to pick up and drop off at the work site.After I sorted it all out,I had lunch and I continued to get through the rest of the day.
I had to mail out several greeting cards for my mom and I also dropped off some gifts at a friend of the family's.I also had to to a local supermarket to buy a couple of things for my mom.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I tried to connect a brand new VCR/DVD recorder combo that was DTV compatible but it didn't turn on for me to test it.I did contact the place that I bought it through mail order and they simply told me that I needed to send it back and get a replacement one and when I get the replacement one,I am hoping that this one will work.I was hoping to have a unit that would be compatible with the DTV converter box that is hooked up to the TV but it didn't work out that way.Oh well!I guess you can't win them all.
After eating a light dinner,I did some catching up on my personal PC work.I did some this morning and this was some last minute stuff that I needed to do.Overall,a pretty good day despite the setback with the new VCR/DVD combo.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode today,I was also playing with my genitals until I was almost at the point of orgasm.Fortunately,I stopped.I was still tired and the images were starting to flood my mind and as a result,I almost gave into the temptation.But I didn't.Still,it happened and I still need to be on guard for these to happen.They can creep up on me when I least expect it.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.Despite a minor setback,I managed to get a lot done.After the day was over,I bagged everything and after dropping it off,I headed for home.
I had to make a couple of stops on the way.First,I had to go to a card store to pick up several greeting cards and I also went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few things there.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit and took it easy while waiting for dinner to get ready.Though I had a pretty good day today on the job,I still felt a little tired from the day and I felt that if I relaxed for a while,I would feel better.It worked and I ate.
After eating,I decided to finish my personal PC work.I started it at work during break and I finished it at home.It was quite a lot and I am glad to get it done.Not only that,I am glad that I now have updated versions of my internet browsers because they can warn me of any phishing attempts to get my personal information from websites that I do business with such as Ebay and Amazon.I am glad for that and I am going to work on being more careful in the meantime.
Since coming home,I have been staying home.I have no place to go at the moment and since we are still having some chilly days,there is no place to go.But I am hoping that the days do get warmer pretty soon.I am getting sick and tired of the chills.Overall,I had a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode this morning before I got up.Fortunately,I had a handle on it and I didn't give in to the urge.It was simply images running wild through my head and again,I was fortunate that I had a handle on it before it grew into something intense.I made it through this one and I am hoping that the rest of the week goes well.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well with no messes to clean up.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day went smoothly.Despite a minor setback,I managed to get a lot done.After the day was over,I bagged everything and after dropping it off,I headed for home.
I had to make a couple of stops on the way.First,I had to go to a card store to pick up several greeting cards and I also went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few things there.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit and took it easy while waiting for dinner to get ready.Though I had a pretty good day today on the job,I still felt a little tired from the day and I felt that if I relaxed for a while,I would feel better.It worked and I ate.
After eating,I decided to finish my personal PC work.I started it at work during break and I finished it at home.It was quite a lot and I am glad to get it done.Not only that,I am glad that I now have updated versions of my internet browsers because they can warn me of any phishing attempts to get my personal information from websites that I do business with such as Ebay and Amazon.I am glad for that and I am going to work on being more careful in the meantime.
Since coming home,I have been staying home.I have no place to go at the moment and since we are still having some chilly days,there is no place to go.But I am hoping that the days do get warmer pretty soon.I am getting sick and tired of the chills.Overall,I had a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode this morning before I got up.Fortunately,I had a handle on it and I didn't give in to the urge.It was simply images running wild through my head and again,I was fortunate that I had a handle on it before it grew into something intense.I made it through this one and I am hoping that the rest of the week goes well.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well with no messes to clean up.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off from work.I had quite a bit that I had to do.First,I withdrew some money for my mom at the bank and I headed for my appointment.
The meeting went well.I have been rescheduled to meet with a new counselor and I go in two weeks to meet with her.The session went well and it was great to talk with someone.After the meeting,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made an important phone call and I also registered the bills that I withdrew before spending any of them at a local supermarket.The only thing that I needed to get was a jar of sauerkraut for dinner tomorrow.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I did most of it this morning when I woke up.I am now all caught up.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images creeping up on me nor did I have anything masturbatory.I feel good as a result and I am hoping that the rest of the week goes smoothly.
Tomorrow is a working day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today was my day off from work.I had quite a bit that I had to do.First,I withdrew some money for my mom at the bank and I headed for my appointment.
The meeting went well.I have been rescheduled to meet with a new counselor and I go in two weeks to meet with her.The session went well and it was great to talk with someone.After the meeting,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made an important phone call and I also registered the bills that I withdrew before spending any of them at a local supermarket.The only thing that I needed to get was a jar of sauerkraut for dinner tomorrow.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I did most of it this morning when I woke up.I am now all caught up.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images creeping up on me nor did I have anything masturbatory.I feel good as a result and I am hoping that the rest of the week goes smoothly.
Tomorrow is a working day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a pretty busy day for me.I had errands to run and they kept me busy.I had to go to a couple of supermarkets in the area and I also left something at the friend of mine who owns the record store in my area.
First,I went to the supermarkets to pick up several things that were needed for the home.Before that,I had a late lunch at a nearby Taco Bell.It was quite a bot that I had to get and after I finished that,I headed over to my friend's place.
When I got there,he wasn't home so I left the stuff that I was going to give him on his front porch.I put the records in between the door and I left a plastic milk crate on the porch.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I did some more personal PC work and I also registered a few more bills at the Where's George site.I was awaiting dinner to be ready and I felt that I could spare some time doing some of that.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work.I also relaxed and watched a little bit of 60 Minutes.After that,I read while laying down listening to a little bit of music.I even talked with a friend of mine from out of state on the phone for a while when he called.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my night of entertaining the crowd went pretty well without any negative comments from the audience,I did have a negative verbal scuffle with a very inconsiderate person who was having an argument with a guy outside.I was outside getting some air when I was witnessing the argument that he was having.I didn't butt into this because it was none of my business.But he pounded the roof of my jeep in anger and when I confronted him about it,he started wailing on me and I tried to calm him down.But he wouldn't let up.Fortunately,a guy and his wife got involved and I went back into the bar.He tried to do it again while in the bar and I told the owner of the place about it.He simply advised me to simply stay away from the area where he was at and they would handle everything.He would late apologize and after a good night's sleep,I felt better.Still,it was scary and I could've gotten hurt.I am just hoping that I don't have any more run-ins with that guy or anyone anymore for quite a while.
Before the night is through,I might go out and have a drink or two.Then again,maybe I'll stay home.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I did have a brief episode last night while trying to get to sleep and also this morning when I tried to wake up.Fortunately,nothing else happened.I didn't masturbate nor did I let the images overwhelm me.I guess that when I kept myself busy today,it really didn't get to me like it has in the past.I hope that I can get through the new week unscathed.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes good.I do have an appointment with a new sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that this initial session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
Today was a pretty busy day for me.I had errands to run and they kept me busy.I had to go to a couple of supermarkets in the area and I also left something at the friend of mine who owns the record store in my area.
First,I went to the supermarkets to pick up several things that were needed for the home.Before that,I had a late lunch at a nearby Taco Bell.It was quite a bot that I had to get and after I finished that,I headed over to my friend's place.
When I got there,he wasn't home so I left the stuff that I was going to give him on his front porch.I put the records in between the door and I left a plastic milk crate on the porch.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I did some more personal PC work and I also registered a few more bills at the Where's George site.I was awaiting dinner to be ready and I felt that I could spare some time doing some of that.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work.I also relaxed and watched a little bit of 60 Minutes.After that,I read while laying down listening to a little bit of music.I even talked with a friend of mine from out of state on the phone for a while when he called.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my night of entertaining the crowd went pretty well without any negative comments from the audience,I did have a negative verbal scuffle with a very inconsiderate person who was having an argument with a guy outside.I was outside getting some air when I was witnessing the argument that he was having.I didn't butt into this because it was none of my business.But he pounded the roof of my jeep in anger and when I confronted him about it,he started wailing on me and I tried to calm him down.But he wouldn't let up.Fortunately,a guy and his wife got involved and I went back into the bar.He tried to do it again while in the bar and I told the owner of the place about it.He simply advised me to simply stay away from the area where he was at and they would handle everything.He would late apologize and after a good night's sleep,I felt better.Still,it was scary and I could've gotten hurt.I am just hoping that I don't have any more run-ins with that guy or anyone anymore for quite a while.
Before the night is through,I might go out and have a drink or two.Then again,maybe I'll stay home.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I did have a brief episode last night while trying to get to sleep and also this morning when I tried to wake up.Fortunately,nothing else happened.I didn't masturbate nor did I let the images overwhelm me.I guess that when I kept myself busy today,it really didn't get to me like it has in the past.I hope that I can get through the new week unscathed.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes good.I do have an appointment with a new sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that this initial session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)