Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
I was out for quite a while today.I had errands to run.The first thing that I had to do was that I had to drop a letter off at someones house that was left at our house by mistake.I also dropped a birthday card off at my niece's house for my grand-nephew.The next few errands were personal.I picked up a prescription for my mom and I also bought myself a pair of new sneakers that I needed.The last thing was that I bought a minute card to add to my cell phone and a bottle of Rolaids.After that,I headed for home.
After I got home,I took a quick bath and I had a light dinner of chicken noodle soup and a turkey and cheese sandwich.After I ate,I finished my personal PC work and I also registered a few more bills at the Where's George site.I also had a talk with an old friend tonight before I took my bath.Overall,a pretty good day.
I can't believe that the weekend is here.I will be going out for the first time in many weeks.I haven't been out in ages.I will be singing my heart out tonight for the first time in a long time.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty fair day today.
The work shift went well.I didn't have to much to do.After it was finished,I dropped everything off and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my regular bank and cashed my paycheck.I also withdrew some money for my mechanic to add to what I already owe him for the week and I headed for home after that.
When I got there,I waited for dinner to get ready.It was to be a light dinner of chicken and vegetables and it was pretty filling.After eating,I decided to finish my personal PC work and I also did some browsing for a while online.
I also had a short talk with my mechanic regarding the problems that I am having trying to start my 4X4.He simply told me to bring it in on Monday and he will check it out.I am hoping that it is nothing major where it will cost me even more money.
The day went pretty well.There is really nothing negative to talk about.
The only thing is that I am feeling really depressed.Yes I am.I have been feeling this way for the whole day.Don't get me wrong,I am feeling better because I have my 4X4 back on the road and I am driving.I am also looking forward to going out tomorrow night for the first time in a long time.But I am feeling sad and depressed.I don't know what it could be.I think that it has something to do with the SSA that I am still working on overcoming.I haven't had anothing sexual with a man in a long time and while I am feeling better because of me not acting out,I am also feeling the negative side of it.I do miss acting out on my desires but I do have to keep one thing in mind.I have to keep remembering that acting out sexually with another man is NOT nor will NEVER fulfill my same-sex needs.It is also NOT going to fill the emptiness that I feel.Sexual activity will only give me a temporary "FIX" that will wear off in time and I am back to the same old empty feeling that I had prior to the acting out.I need prayers really bad.If anyone out there can say a prayer for me.Please do so.Thanks.
I am glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to my comeback to singing on Saturday nights starting tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have not made any plans but whatever I do,I am hoping that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did the work that I had to do in the time that I had and I managed to get a lot done.After lunch,I dropped off all the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I did a little bit of grocery shopping for my mom at a nearby supermarket.This only took me about ten minutes.After paying for the items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed.
After getting home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.
Today,the weather was mild.I also did not have an awful lot of trouble trying to get out of the area where I parked my car.I did have to shift into 4 wheel drive to get out because the city snow plows really did plow me in.But I got out and that is all that matters.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute PC work before turning in for the night.
Despite this not being too bad of a day,I still had to contend with unwanted SSA.Images of men are still creeping into my mentality and really bringing me down.Though I haven't had anything sexual with a man in a long time,I am having cravings to engage in sexual contact with another man.The cravings are really strong.This has also made me crave/and to manipulate my sexuality as a result.I don't want to do that.I want to stop doing that.I also don't want to have anything sexual with a man.WHY?Because I know that having sex with another man is not going to bring any fulfillment of my same-sex needs.I also don't want to manipulate my own sexuality because this also is not going to make me connect with my lost maleness.Nor will masturbation,which I would like to stop as well,make me connect with my lost maleness,either.I have been calling out for help but nobody is replying.If anyone out there has any ideas on how I can control these impulses,I would like to know what they are so I can use them to see if they'll work for me.PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for teh day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was simply a pick-up day.The pick-up went well but I had a chore getting to work to do the pick-up.The roads were really covered with lots of snow from the major snowfall that we had last night into today.There is lots of snow on the ground and as stated,I had a heck of a time getting to work because the drive was really treacherous.But I made it and I managed to to the job without a hitch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a supermarket to pick up a few hoagie rolls for dinner tomorrow.I also manged to pick up a birthday card for my little grand-nephew.After paying for both of them,I headed straight home and that is where I am at.
When I got home,I shoveled the walk and I took a nap.I was feeling really tired and I really needed to take a snooze because I had a tough time getting to sleep last night.I don't know what it could be but I have a feeling that it is anxiety over my SSA and debating with myself whether or not I should go back to church or not.Alongside that,I also feel that since I haven't been out in a while,I need to get readjusted back into the spirit of things because my social life has really suffered as a result of me not going out in the length of time that I had been without a vehicle.But I know that I will be readjutsed back into the spirit of things and I also know that it will take time to get readjusted back into things.But I still need the support of people,including my fellow men,to get back into it.
I am now relaxing and taking it easy.I still have to go back out to shovel the walk again as a result of the constant snow fall that is happening.The snow is supposed to taper off around 11:00pm tonight.But we are also supposed to get windy weather overnight and that is going to put some more COLD temps in the forecast.But it's Winter and I have to expect these things and deal with them.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went by pretty well.It was also the first time in a long time that I did a laundry pick-up and drop off using my vehicle.It was awesome.I am slowly getting back to normal.
I also did some running around.I had to buy some more ice melting stuff and I also sprinkled some on our sidewalk as well as the porches and the steps.I also went out and bought myself some extra stuff for myself.It was pretty awesome.I had a pretty good day and it was great to be out in the community and enjoy myself.
When I was finally at home,I took it easy and waited for dinner to be ready.It was a light dinner of chicken nuggets,baked potato wedges and baked beans.It was a pretty good dinner and after that,I registered a few more bills at the Where's George website.I also did my personal PC work and watched several more classic Popeye shorts on YouTube.Overall,a pretty good day.
But I also have something to share that I am not proud of.I have been falling short lately and have been wrestling with images of men flooding my head.I also have been masturbating frequently.As a result,I have also been feeling mighty depressed as a result of these fallings.
It all started when I had my accident with my previous car.I crashed it accidentally and I also totaled it.For nearly two months,I was without a vehicle and I couldn't go out and sing for my friends nor be with them.As a result,visions of naked men with erections have flooded my head and I have also been talking to myself as if there was another guy in the room with me and I am agreeing to perform a sexual act,such as fellatio,on him.I have masturbated to these thoughts and cravings.I haven't had any contact with others as of late and I have been feeling miserable.I have been overwhelmed by all of this and I am feeling down as a result.I will NEVER accept the popular opinion that I was born Homosexual/Gay because I know that it was my environment that made me the way I am,including the sexual abuse that I endured when I was younger and all the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I have endured at the hands of my overbearring religious fanatic father.I am still feeling the effects of all of the abuse to this day and I really want to escape and move on.I have been trapped as of late in this SSA and I want to really get out.I want to break free and I want to do it rightly.I know that acting out these desires won't get me the fulfillment that I really need.I know that I need healthy same-sex relationships where I am truly accepted by other guys and also feeling and being them.I want to discover the joys of male bonding because I am a male.If anyone out there has any advice on how I can obtain this,please let me know.I will take whatever advice that is gven me and I will try to follow it and apply the best way that I can.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well.We are also under a winter storm warning that is going to start at 11:00pm tonight with it expiring at 11:00pm tomorrow night.I am hoping that where I am living escapes the tale end of it and we don't get an awful lot of snow.
That was my day today,my hopes for the day tomorrow and what I have been too scared to share as of late on this blog.I am hoping that someone reads this and gives me some good advice.I am going to be needing it.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I used the day to catch up on some things.First,I went to the local hospital to pick up a new script and the practitioner wants me to try a new medicine rather than the one that I am currently taking now.This is going to be interesting.I will be starting the new year with a new medication and I am hoping that things start to work out better for me.
After that,I went to a nearby post office to buy and mail out two money orders that I had to mail out.There were for payments on a couple of collectable records that I bought online and I promised to mail out the money orders this week.They are now mailed out and I can rest easy.
After that,I visited with my mechanic for a bit and I went to do some grocery shopping.They were things that were needed in the house and I am glad to have gotten them.I also bought some more ice melt for the steps of our house and I need to buy some more because we are supposed to get even more bitterly and very brisk COLD!!!! temperatures before the week is through.I am hoping that any store that I go to to buy it has some.We might be needing it before this winetr,which has been the WORST that we had in a long time is over with.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I can now take it easy for the rest of the night.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping the day goes well.
That was my day and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The only thing that i did today was an errand that I had to run for my mom.It was to simply buy a few things that my mom needed for dinner tonight as well as a few batteries that were needed.It was the only thing that I had to do and since I had really no place else to go,I just thought that this would be the only thing to do and that I would stay home for the rest of the day.
On the way home from the supermarket,I stopped at a local drug store to pick up some salt,ice melting stuff and a bag of Combos.After I paid for these,I headed for home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit and I also waited for dinner to get done.While I did that,I did some last minute personal PC work.I did most of that this morning when I woke up and after that,I did the shopping.
After eating,I did some more catching up on some personal PC work and now,I can rest easy for the rest of the night.
I also had a talk with one of the city council members who lives on my street.I told him about the street being extremely icy and slippery and he also told me that he sympathized with me.He also said that he felt that it sucked and he was trying to get the mayor to increase the snow plowing and ice removal on streets that really needed it but so far,it has been falling on deaf ears.I am hoping that this can be resolved soon.I hate it that the road on my street is extremely icy and slick and I really have to drive slow so I won't slip and crash into someone or somebody else's vehicle.
Tomorrow is my day off.I have an appointment at the local hospital tomorrow,which is with the practitioner and I also have to mail out a couple of money orders right away when I go to the post office on the way home.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ