Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did the work that I had to do in the time that I had and I managed to get a lot done.After lunch,I dropped off all the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I did a little bit of grocery shopping for my mom at a nearby supermarket.This only took me about ten minutes.After paying for the items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed.
After getting home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.
Today,the weather was mild.I also did not have an awful lot of trouble trying to get out of the area where I parked my car.I did have to shift into 4 wheel drive to get out because the city snow plows really did plow me in.But I got out and that is all that matters.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute PC work before turning in for the night.
Despite this not being too bad of a day,I still had to contend with unwanted SSA.Images of men are still creeping into my mentality and really bringing me down.Though I haven't had anything sexual with a man in a long time,I am having cravings to engage in sexual contact with another man.The cravings are really strong.This has also made me crave/and to manipulate my sexuality as a result.I don't want to do that.I want to stop doing that.I also don't want to have anything sexual with a man.WHY?Because I know that having sex with another man is not going to bring any fulfillment of my same-sex needs.I also don't want to manipulate my own sexuality because this also is not going to make me connect with my lost maleness.Nor will masturbation,which I would like to stop as well,make me connect with my lost maleness,either.I have been calling out for help but nobody is replying.If anyone out there has any ideas on how I can control these impulses,I would like to know what they are so I can use them to see if they'll work for me.PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for teh day ahead.FJ