Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a little rocky.I had a pretty decent day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed to clean up.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did 3/4 of my personal work and after that was done,I headed over to the Men's Network meeting after getting dressed.
The meeting was wonderful.We watched a comedy video and had some small talk.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed over to the local drug store to pick up something else that I needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished the last 1/4 of my personal PC work.After that was done,I watched a little TV.
I had only a couple of errands to run.I had to go to a local supermarket to pick up several things that my mom needed me to pick up.After that,I headed straight home to drop the groceries off.My next errand was a little later on as I went to pick up dinner from the local Pizza Hut.After picking that up,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the evening.
When I got home,my mom and I ate and afterwards,I watched the evening news and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
My recovery lately has been a little rocky at best.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve again very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was feeling tempted to act out for much of the day.I had the temptation to manipulate my genitals to hardness of near hardness for the purpose of masturbation.The temptation was really strong and everything.I did start to do that,but stopped myself.The only thing that I did was go to the bathroom to urinate.When my recovery from the bipolar depression with those schizophrenic tendencies gets rocky,it also affects my struggles with SSA in a negative manner when I do get cravings to act out by either masturbating or watching porn or both.At times,my masturbation is emotionally rooted,while at other times,it is sexually rooted,but it is usually both emotional and sexual with me.I would like to stop doing that as masturbation will never ever connect me with lost maleness.It is simply a dirty and unclean habit that is very addictive and once addicted,it is difficult to break free from it or stop it.I am hoping that there are those that can help with anything.I would like to know what has worked for you.Anything will be helpful.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am planning on attending the morning's church service and I am hoping that it will be wonderful.After church,I haven't made up my mind as to what I will do.But whatever I choose,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Friday, January 06, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but rocky at best at the moment.I had a pretty decent day today despite some "spur of the moment" stuff that happened today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I was hoping to wake and get up,and bathed to clean up.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did some personal PC work and while doing that,I was caught off guard by a couple of "spur of the moment" things that happened.
The first "spur of the moment" event occurred when I got a phone call from the local hospital about a Monday afternoon group.This really caught me off guard.It also made me angry.I had something else planned for Monday as I was hoping to return to the recovery group that I attend every Monday,but this happened.Right after that happened,I called the facilitator of the recovery group to let him know about this and he said that it was okay.After hanging up,I proceeded to get my PC work done,when all of a sudden,the phone rang again and this time,it was an automated courtesy call from the drug store about refills on a prescription that was on file there,but yesterday,when I talked to one of the people in the pharmacy about this,she informed me that there was nothing on file for me and no refills to be filled up.I will have yet another talk with them again today because I am getting fed up with these so called courtesy calls and all those other "spur of the moment" things that just keep happening.After that little episode,I returned to doing my personal PC work and I managed to get it done.I did feel better afterwards,but was still at edge as a result of these "spur of the moment" things that happened.
After finishing my personal PC work,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.I had a lot of stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
Firstly,I went to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed over to the post office to mail out some bills.After that was done,I headed over to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my license renewed.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up one more thing for the home.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and also watched some TV.
After eating,I watched a little bit of the evening news while dressing up.Tonight,there was an Epiphany service at church and I decided to attend the service.I felt that since I want to be a member of the church again,it doesn't hurt to be proactive and attend special services during special times of the year.After I was finished dressing,I headed over to the church.
The service was wonderful and the fellowship before and after the service was also wonderful.It was just great being there to listen to the sermon and to talk with the people before and after the service.I left with a smile on my face and headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the evening as there was no place else for me to go nor anything else for me to do.
When I got home,I changed into my pajamas and relaxed until bedtime.Overall,despite some rockiness,it was a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,despite some rockiness,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of it.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,it was the first time in a long time that my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I really had no temptation to act out.I also didn't have any temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purpose of getting it hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes.I know that I have to keep working on thinking of pleasant things and wholesome stuff regarding people,especially men,in general.I have to keep thinking that men are brothers and not potential sexual partners.I also have to keep reminding myself that the only real manly love is brotherly love and that is not sexual in itself,but spiritual and Christ like.I also have to keep reminding myself that acting out won't get me what I really want,which is affirmation of my gender identity from other men and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.I also have to keep reminding myself that masturbation will never connect me to my lost maleness as it is also a form of acting out on the unnatural and immoral sexual desires connected to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture.I also have to keep reminding myself that each and every man is a mirrored image of each other as we men all have the same things physically and intrinsically.I also have to continue working on avoiding other forms of acting out,such as pornography and fantasies.I know that it will be a long and difficult road ahead,but since my future as a man and my relationship with God through his son Jesus Christ is at stake,I have to continue to ponder and move forward with my goals.It will be difficult,but I can do it.Anything that can help me with this will really benefit me.Thanks in advance for any helpful advice or suggestions.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I was hoping to wake and get up,and bathed to clean up.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did some personal PC work and while doing that,I was caught off guard by a couple of "spur of the moment" things that happened.
The first "spur of the moment" event occurred when I got a phone call from the local hospital about a Monday afternoon group.This really caught me off guard.It also made me angry.I had something else planned for Monday as I was hoping to return to the recovery group that I attend every Monday,but this happened.Right after that happened,I called the facilitator of the recovery group to let him know about this and he said that it was okay.After hanging up,I proceeded to get my PC work done,when all of a sudden,the phone rang again and this time,it was an automated courtesy call from the drug store about refills on a prescription that was on file there,but yesterday,when I talked to one of the people in the pharmacy about this,she informed me that there was nothing on file for me and no refills to be filled up.I will have yet another talk with them again today because I am getting fed up with these so called courtesy calls and all those other "spur of the moment" things that just keep happening.After that little episode,I returned to doing my personal PC work and I managed to get it done.I did feel better afterwards,but was still at edge as a result of these "spur of the moment" things that happened.
After finishing my personal PC work,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.I had a lot of stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
Firstly,I went to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed over to the post office to mail out some bills.After that was done,I headed over to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my license renewed.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up one more thing for the home.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and also watched some TV.
After eating,I watched a little bit of the evening news while dressing up.Tonight,there was an Epiphany service at church and I decided to attend the service.I felt that since I want to be a member of the church again,it doesn't hurt to be proactive and attend special services during special times of the year.After I was finished dressing,I headed over to the church.
The service was wonderful and the fellowship before and after the service was also wonderful.It was just great being there to listen to the sermon and to talk with the people before and after the service.I left with a smile on my face and headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the evening as there was no place else for me to go nor anything else for me to do.
When I got home,I changed into my pajamas and relaxed until bedtime.Overall,despite some rockiness,it was a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,despite some rockiness,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of it.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,it was the first time in a long time that my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I really had no temptation to act out.I also didn't have any temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purpose of getting it hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes.I know that I have to keep working on thinking of pleasant things and wholesome stuff regarding people,especially men,in general.I have to keep thinking that men are brothers and not potential sexual partners.I also have to keep reminding myself that the only real manly love is brotherly love and that is not sexual in itself,but spiritual and Christ like.I also have to keep reminding myself that acting out won't get me what I really want,which is affirmation of my gender identity from other men and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.I also have to keep reminding myself that masturbation will never connect me to my lost maleness as it is also a form of acting out on the unnatural and immoral sexual desires connected to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture.I also have to keep reminding myself that each and every man is a mirrored image of each other as we men all have the same things physically and intrinsically.I also have to continue working on avoiding other forms of acting out,such as pornography and fantasies.I know that it will be a long and difficult road ahead,but since my future as a man and my relationship with God through his son Jesus Christ is at stake,I have to continue to ponder and move forward with my goals.It will be difficult,but I can do it.Anything that can help me with this will really benefit me.Thanks in advance for any helpful advice or suggestions.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to improve little by little.I had a pretty decent day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a lot to do.
I first went to a spirituality group that I attend regularly to get full benefits as I do need to feed my spiritual need.I had high hopes for this and was looking forward to this.
The group went well.It was a wonderful meeting.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local close out store to pick up a few things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I rested for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery is improving,I am still,on a daily basis,Dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation last night for the sixth consecutive time by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I did feel miserable as a result of that as I felt that I failed again in my journey out of Homosexuality.I want to succeed in my journey.I want to heal the wounds that I have that were inflicted on me by abusers such as my father,the sexual abusers and the man who had assaulted my sister lots of times in the past who also assaulted me.I want to heal from these wounds and I am determined to heal from these wounds.It is just that I am tired of finding men sexually attractive as this is not what I am all about as far as gender goes.I am a male and I am biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.I have already accepted my identity as far as gender goes and that is all that I am accepting.I need strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation and other things other than finding a male partner to act out with.I want to resist the temptation to act out as I no longer want to act out in any way,shape or form.If anyone out there can help with any advice or suggestions,please do so.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a lot to do.
I first went to a spirituality group that I attend regularly to get full benefits as I do need to feed my spiritual need.I had high hopes for this and was looking forward to this.
The group went well.It was a wonderful meeting.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local close out store to pick up a few things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I rested for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery is improving,I am still,on a daily basis,Dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation last night for the sixth consecutive time by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I did feel miserable as a result of that as I felt that I failed again in my journey out of Homosexuality.I want to succeed in my journey.I want to heal the wounds that I have that were inflicted on me by abusers such as my father,the sexual abusers and the man who had assaulted my sister lots of times in the past who also assaulted me.I want to heal from these wounds and I am determined to heal from these wounds.It is just that I am tired of finding men sexually attractive as this is not what I am all about as far as gender goes.I am a male and I am biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.I have already accepted my identity as far as gender goes and that is all that I am accepting.I need strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation and other things other than finding a male partner to act out with.I want to resist the temptation to act out as I no longer want to act out in any way,shape or form.If anyone out there can help with any advice or suggestions,please do so.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues a little bit better.I had a pretty decent day today.
Today,I woke up later than the time that I was hoping to get up and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I simply did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
The only things on my agenda was to withdraw some money for my mom and to pay a couple of bills.I went to pay my bills first.I paid both my car insurance and a credit card bill today.After they were paid,I went to the bank to withdraw the money for my mom.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed while registering all the money that I had withdrawn from the bank for my mom.After that,I paid for my DirecTV bill over the phone.I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.I only have a few more bills to pay this month and I will be paying those at the proper time.I also have to renew my driver's license this month as it will expire on my birthday.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery got slightly better today,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I hope that my recovery continues to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night for the fifth consecutive time by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.This time,I didn't beat myself over that.I did feel miserable,but the advice that the Christian counselor gave was pretty helpful.This morning,I was tempted to act out by masturbating again as I had a morning erection that was really stiff.I simply fought the temptation by tossing and turning because I didn't want to give in to that habit for the sixth consecutive time.After a short time,my penis softened and I slept a little longer.Still,having that temptation was scary as I had to fight it with all the strength that I had.Right now,I don't have any temptation and while that is good,I still need to be on guard whenever temptation rears it's ugly head again.Once again,if anyone out there reading my blog regularly can give me any helpful suggestions or advice on fighting the temptation,please do so.I would greatly appreciate that.Anything that any of you might have done that helped you beat this or resist this will be appreciated.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I will be attending.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up later than the time that I was hoping to get up and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I simply did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
The only things on my agenda was to withdraw some money for my mom and to pay a couple of bills.I went to pay my bills first.I paid both my car insurance and a credit card bill today.After they were paid,I went to the bank to withdraw the money for my mom.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed while registering all the money that I had withdrawn from the bank for my mom.After that,I paid for my DirecTV bill over the phone.I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.I only have a few more bills to pay this month and I will be paying those at the proper time.I also have to renew my driver's license this month as it will expire on my birthday.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery got slightly better today,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I hope that my recovery continues to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night for the fifth consecutive time by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.This time,I didn't beat myself over that.I did feel miserable,but the advice that the Christian counselor gave was pretty helpful.This morning,I was tempted to act out by masturbating again as I had a morning erection that was really stiff.I simply fought the temptation by tossing and turning because I didn't want to give in to that habit for the sixth consecutive time.After a short time,my penis softened and I slept a little longer.Still,having that temptation was scary as I had to fight it with all the strength that I had.Right now,I don't have any temptation and while that is good,I still need to be on guard whenever temptation rears it's ugly head again.Once again,if anyone out there reading my blog regularly can give me any helpful suggestions or advice on fighting the temptation,please do so.I would greatly appreciate that.Anything that any of you might have done that helped you beat this or resist this will be appreciated.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I will be attending.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though a bit rocky.I had a pretty decent day today.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning,but fell asleep again while sitting in a chair.I slept for a little over an hour in the chair and after having a cup of coffee,I bathed to clean up.After that,I had my usual quick breakfast and another cup of coffee.I did my personal PC work and after that,I went to proceed with the rest of the day.
Yesterday,though the day started well enough with me being in upbeat mood,I wound up getting hit with depression.It happened in the early afternoon while waiting for my laundry to get done.It just hit unexpectedly and I was feeling down for much of the rest of the day.I just went with the rest of the day hoping that the rut would lift soon,but I was still feeling rutty.Even when I got home later,I still was feeling down.
I do have an idea on why I was feeling that way.I did give into temptation for the fourth consecutive time yesterday by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I did feel miserable and was beating myself up over it and it just brought me down.I really don't know what could be making me give into this thing.I really don't want to give in to this sort of thing anymore as masturbating is a form of acting out.I no longer want to daydream nor have any images of naked men cloud my mind and I really don't want to think of sex with men anymore.I don't want to have sex with any man.I only want to have male friends that I can be close with,bond with and connect with in a healthy and authentic manner.That is all that I want and ask for.I want nothing sexual with any man nor men in general.I just want to have male friends that I can also trust and confide in.Any advice or suggestions on how I can beat this unclean masturbation habit are welcomed and appreciated.
When I did get home yesterday,I relaxed a bit while hoping to get back to being upbeat like I was in the early day.I watched a little TV while taking it easy.
Regarding today,I had only one thing on my agenda.I went to the post office to mail out an important letter.I didn't stay out too long because the weather was very cold and very snowy.After doing that,I headed straight home and stayed there.
After eating dinner,I watched the evening news and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day,though my road to recovery today was a little rocky.
I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with it.I am doing that on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.Yesterday,while still feeling down,I did receive a call from a Christian counselor that I knew and had talked to previously within the region that I live and we talked for twenty minutes.I talked about the depression that I was in and also,all the four consecutive times that I gave into temptation by masturbating.I even told her about the chance encounters that I had with the active Homosexual man when it came to me being out of the "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle.She simply told me that I really shouldn't beat myself up about my giving into temptation and I really shouldn't worry about what the rest of the world says.She encouraged to continue being thankful and greatful that I know the truth and that the truth has set me free from the trap of Homosexuality.The rest of the world will continue believing what it wants to believe and since I know the truth,I should simply leave the world alone and continue concentrating on doing the right thing by working to stay free from the trap of Homosexuality.After hanging up,I did feel much better as the depression started to lift and after a good nights sleep,I felt much better and I am hoping that I will continue to feel better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I have no craving to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard to masturbate nor do I have any images of naked men or images of two men having anything sexual together.Still,I need to keep on guard because the temptation to act out could come back any day or any time now.Again,I am still open to advice or suggestions on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation or fantasies.If anyone can help,please do so.Thanks in advance.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
This morning,I woke up in the early morning,but fell asleep again while sitting in a chair.I slept for a little over an hour in the chair and after having a cup of coffee,I bathed to clean up.After that,I had my usual quick breakfast and another cup of coffee.I did my personal PC work and after that,I went to proceed with the rest of the day.
Yesterday,though the day started well enough with me being in upbeat mood,I wound up getting hit with depression.It happened in the early afternoon while waiting for my laundry to get done.It just hit unexpectedly and I was feeling down for much of the rest of the day.I just went with the rest of the day hoping that the rut would lift soon,but I was still feeling rutty.Even when I got home later,I still was feeling down.
I do have an idea on why I was feeling that way.I did give into temptation for the fourth consecutive time yesterday by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I did feel miserable and was beating myself up over it and it just brought me down.I really don't know what could be making me give into this thing.I really don't want to give in to this sort of thing anymore as masturbating is a form of acting out.I no longer want to daydream nor have any images of naked men cloud my mind and I really don't want to think of sex with men anymore.I don't want to have sex with any man.I only want to have male friends that I can be close with,bond with and connect with in a healthy and authentic manner.That is all that I want and ask for.I want nothing sexual with any man nor men in general.I just want to have male friends that I can also trust and confide in.Any advice or suggestions on how I can beat this unclean masturbation habit are welcomed and appreciated.
When I did get home yesterday,I relaxed a bit while hoping to get back to being upbeat like I was in the early day.I watched a little TV while taking it easy.
Regarding today,I had only one thing on my agenda.I went to the post office to mail out an important letter.I didn't stay out too long because the weather was very cold and very snowy.After doing that,I headed straight home and stayed there.
After eating dinner,I watched the evening news and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day,though my road to recovery today was a little rocky.
I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with it.I am doing that on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.Yesterday,while still feeling down,I did receive a call from a Christian counselor that I knew and had talked to previously within the region that I live and we talked for twenty minutes.I talked about the depression that I was in and also,all the four consecutive times that I gave into temptation by masturbating.I even told her about the chance encounters that I had with the active Homosexual man when it came to me being out of the "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle.She simply told me that I really shouldn't beat myself up about my giving into temptation and I really shouldn't worry about what the rest of the world says.She encouraged to continue being thankful and greatful that I know the truth and that the truth has set me free from the trap of Homosexuality.The rest of the world will continue believing what it wants to believe and since I know the truth,I should simply leave the world alone and continue concentrating on doing the right thing by working to stay free from the trap of Homosexuality.After hanging up,I did feel much better as the depression started to lift and after a good nights sleep,I felt much better and I am hoping that I will continue to feel better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I have no craving to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard to masturbate nor do I have any images of naked men or images of two men having anything sexual together.Still,I need to keep on guard because the temptation to act out could come back any day or any time now.Again,I am still open to advice or suggestions on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation or fantasies.If anyone can help,please do so.Thanks in advance.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, January 02, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only one thing on my agenda.I went to the laundromat to get my laundry done.I needed to get it done as it was really piling up.After bagging the laundry in my normal bag for dirty laundry,I also got the detergent together and my money and headed there.
When I got there,I immediately found a machine that wasn't being used and I piled all of my laundry in it and after setting the time and the cycle,I relaxed and read from newspapers while waiting for it to get clean.After washing,I dried everything in the dryer for a little over half and hour and after it was all done,I folded and bagged it all.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and relaxed a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated and it was both emotional and sexual.I simply manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near hardness and I masturbated until climax.I really felt miserable afterwards.This is the fourth consecutive time that I gave into the temptation to act out on my desires in this way.Masturbation will never get me what I want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that I will never connect with my lost maleness through masturbation as it is only a dirty and disgusting habit.I really want to stop this and I am desperate on how I can.I know that I have asked before and I will ask again;If there is anyone out there who has been visiting and reading my blog that can give me advice and/or suggestions as to how I can resist the temptation to act out by masturbating to both feelings of emotional and sexual,please share as I am really at my wits end here.Any help that can be given is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only one thing on my agenda.I went to the laundromat to get my laundry done.I needed to get it done as it was really piling up.After bagging the laundry in my normal bag for dirty laundry,I also got the detergent together and my money and headed there.
When I got there,I immediately found a machine that wasn't being used and I piled all of my laundry in it and after setting the time and the cycle,I relaxed and read from newspapers while waiting for it to get clean.After washing,I dried everything in the dryer for a little over half and hour and after it was all done,I folded and bagged it all.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and relaxed a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated and it was both emotional and sexual.I simply manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near hardness and I masturbated until climax.I really felt miserable afterwards.This is the fourth consecutive time that I gave into the temptation to act out on my desires in this way.Masturbation will never get me what I want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that I will never connect with my lost maleness through masturbation as it is only a dirty and disgusting habit.I really want to stop this and I am desperate on how I can.I know that I have asked before and I will ask again;If there is anyone out there who has been visiting and reading my blog that can give me advice and/or suggestions as to how I can resist the temptation to act out by masturbating to both feelings of emotional and sexual,please share as I am really at my wits end here.Any help that can be given is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Happy New Year to one and all who read my blog regularly and also to the visitors.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very wonderful and eventful day today.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and bathed to clean up.I also had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did half of my personal PC work.I was really looking forward to going to church this morning as I was eager to attend the morning Holy Bible study class,which was an hour and a half before the service.
The class was wonderful and I did get a lot out of it.
The service was also wonderful.I had lots of wonderful fellowship after the church service and as a result,I left the church smiling.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription and some effervescent herbal cold medicine.After paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few other things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and hung it up.After that,I got dressed,finished my personal PC work,had lunch and watched a couple of DVD's.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very wonderful and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,ion a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and my months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation again late last night.This time,it was both sexual and emotional.I again manipulated my genitalia to get them near hardness so I could masturbate and I was also thinking of images of naked men and also of other disgusting and very gross things.I really felt miserable after that and I really felt that I had failed myself in my healing from these unwanted desires.I do want to heal and I don't want to have anything sexual with any man nor men.I want to do the right thing,which is to resist the temptation to act out and not act out at all one day at a time.I do most times try to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of masturbation and it can be emotional,with it being sexual at times as well or both.I really don't want to masturbate anymore to any images of naked me nor anything else having to do with the sexual relations between two members of the same gender.Masturbating to these things is a form of acting out on the desires and I don't want to do that anymore.If anyone out there can give me any suggestions or advice on how I can beat this and resist all temptation to act out,please share.I am really desperate here and anything is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am planning on getting my laundry done.After that,I really don't know what I will do,but whatever it is,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very wonderful and eventful day today.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and bathed to clean up.I also had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did half of my personal PC work.I was really looking forward to going to church this morning as I was eager to attend the morning Holy Bible study class,which was an hour and a half before the service.
The class was wonderful and I did get a lot out of it.
The service was also wonderful.I had lots of wonderful fellowship after the church service and as a result,I left the church smiling.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription and some effervescent herbal cold medicine.After paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few other things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and hung it up.After that,I got dressed,finished my personal PC work,had lunch and watched a couple of DVD's.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very wonderful and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,ion a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and my months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation again late last night.This time,it was both sexual and emotional.I again manipulated my genitalia to get them near hardness so I could masturbate and I was also thinking of images of naked men and also of other disgusting and very gross things.I really felt miserable after that and I really felt that I had failed myself in my healing from these unwanted desires.I do want to heal and I don't want to have anything sexual with any man nor men.I want to do the right thing,which is to resist the temptation to act out and not act out at all one day at a time.I do most times try to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of masturbation and it can be emotional,with it being sexual at times as well or both.I really don't want to masturbate anymore to any images of naked me nor anything else having to do with the sexual relations between two members of the same gender.Masturbating to these things is a form of acting out on the desires and I don't want to do that anymore.If anyone out there can give me any suggestions or advice on how I can beat this and resist all temptation to act out,please share.I am really desperate here and anything is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am planning on getting my laundry done.After that,I really don't know what I will do,but whatever it is,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)