Happy New Year to one and all who read my blog regularly and also to the visitors.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very wonderful and eventful day today.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and bathed to clean up.I also had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did half of my personal PC work.I was really looking forward to going to church this morning as I was eager to attend the morning Holy Bible study class,which was an hour and a half before the service.
The class was wonderful and I did get a lot out of it.
The service was also wonderful.I had lots of wonderful fellowship after the church service and as a result,I left the church smiling.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription and some effervescent herbal cold medicine.After paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few other things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and hung it up.After that,I got dressed,finished my personal PC work,had lunch and watched a couple of DVD's.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very wonderful and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,ion a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and my months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation again late last night.This time,it was both sexual and emotional.I again manipulated my genitalia to get them near hardness so I could masturbate and I was also thinking of images of naked men and also of other disgusting and very gross things.I really felt miserable after that and I really felt that I had failed myself in my healing from these unwanted desires.I do want to heal and I don't want to have anything sexual with any man nor men.I want to do the right thing,which is to resist the temptation to act out and not act out at all one day at a time.I do most times try to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of masturbation and it can be emotional,with it being sexual at times as well or both.I really don't want to masturbate anymore to any images of naked me nor anything else having to do with the sexual relations between two members of the same gender.Masturbating to these things is a form of acting out on the desires and I don't want to do that anymore.If anyone out there can give me any suggestions or advice on how I can beat this and resist all temptation to act out,please share.I am really desperate here and anything is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am planning on getting my laundry done.After that,I really don't know what I will do,but whatever it is,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ