Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only one thing on my agenda.I went to the laundromat to get my laundry done.I needed to get it done as it was really piling up.After bagging the laundry in my normal bag for dirty laundry,I also got the detergent together and my money and headed there.
When I got there,I immediately found a machine that wasn't being used and I piled all of my laundry in it and after setting the time and the cycle,I relaxed and read from newspapers while waiting for it to get clean.After washing,I dried everything in the dryer for a little over half and hour and after it was all done,I folded and bagged it all.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and relaxed a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated and it was both emotional and sexual.I simply manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near hardness and I masturbated until climax.I really felt miserable afterwards.This is the fourth consecutive time that I gave into the temptation to act out on my desires in this way.Masturbation will never get me what I want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that I will never connect with my lost maleness through masturbation as it is only a dirty and disgusting habit.I really want to stop this and I am desperate on how I can.I know that I have asked before and I will ask again;If there is anyone out there who has been visiting and reading my blog that can give me advice and/or suggestions as to how I can resist the temptation to act out by masturbating to both feelings of emotional and sexual,please share as I am really at my wits end here.Any help that can be given is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ