Tonight,my road to recovery continues to improve little by little.I had a pretty decent day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a lot to do.
I first went to a spirituality group that I attend regularly to get full benefits as I do need to feed my spiritual need.I had high hopes for this and was looking forward to this.
The group went well.It was a wonderful meeting.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local close out store to pick up a few things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I rested for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Though my recovery is improving,I am still,on a daily basis,Dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation last night for the sixth consecutive time by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I did feel miserable as a result of that as I felt that I failed again in my journey out of Homosexuality.I want to succeed in my journey.I want to heal the wounds that I have that were inflicted on me by abusers such as my father,the sexual abusers and the man who had assaulted my sister lots of times in the past who also assaulted me.I want to heal from these wounds and I am determined to heal from these wounds.It is just that I am tired of finding men sexually attractive as this is not what I am all about as far as gender goes.I am a male and I am biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.I have already accepted my identity as far as gender goes and that is all that I am accepting.I need strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation and other things other than finding a male partner to act out with.I want to resist the temptation to act out as I no longer want to act out in any way,shape or form.If anyone out there can help with any advice or suggestions,please do so.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ