Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Firstly,I spent a few minutes with my father and after we talked some,I headed out to do some stuff that I had planned.
I went back that AMVETS thrift store in the next county to pick up some more stuff.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bit of TV and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with everything that I struggle with.I struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't enough,the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia makes it really difficult for me.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name,footsteps while I am walking and when I turn to see,there is nobody there.At times,this really drains me energy-wise and also,it can be emotionally draining.If having that psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA and this morning,I gave into the temptation to masturbate when sexual images of men clouded my mind and I gave into the temptation.I did ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after doing so.The thing is that I still have to work on staying tough with myself as I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me and take over my whole being.I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me.I have to let them know that I own them and not let them own me.I now have to really start working hard on this thing.I need to really start to pray regularly and keep it up.I really need all the strength that I can get.I also need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need all the positive verbal support that I can get.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that y'all please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I see that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any sort are rare.I don't want to feel alone in my SSA struggles as I do when nobody who visits leaves me any encouraging comments.Your prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.They also both show that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to all of you in advance for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual in the morning and I am also hoping to go to see a movie tomorrow afternoon,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
The main thing on my agenda today was that I had an appointment to meet with the same priest that I talked with last month in hopes of connecting with a Courage support group.I headed over into a city in the next county to talk with him.
The meeting went wonderfully well.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at an AMVETS thrift store and I purchased a few things.After paying for those things,I headed to a local supermarket when I was back in my home town and bought something there.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I prepared my evening meal and I relaxed while eating it and watching a DVD.I stayed home for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I have can really be draining both energy-wise and emotionally.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and that can really be a difficult thing to endure.I am still in therapy and I have a session two days before Thanksgiving and I am also still taking my medication as directed.The thing with mental health therapy is that it is one-sided.On one corner,it helps deal with the symptoms and the affects of what the psychiatric diagnosis is.The other thing is that it refuses to understand things,such as the SSA struggle.The mental health professionals are always insisting that individuals should accept their sexual identities as they are and go out and live their lives in accordance to what their sexual identities are.The thing with me personally is this;I have refused to live my life like that.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,the people living on it and the only true God,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.It flat out says that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,inappropriate,and sinful.Not only that,the sinful sexual lifestyle associated with that sinful lifestyle is a very highly destructive lifestyle.There is also no real love connected with that sinful lifestyle.It is a lifestyle of never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS and many other sexually transmitted diseases.I am trying to live my life in accordance to what my Heavenly Father,through his word the Holy Bible,wants me to live my life.I know that I will fall short at times,but my Heavenly Father is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.When I do fall short,I simply ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also accept full and total responsibility for my fall.I do feel better after that and I can move on with my day once that is done.Follow blog followers,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time as I am still struggling right now and it is a very difficult one indeed.I am also asking that all of you please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words.They both help keep me going in this struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.I really need both your prayers and your words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual and I am also hoping to go see a movie,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,which went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in all the bottles and cans that I had collected that had accumulated in my back seat.After that,I bought a gallon of milk and after paying for it,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station and got some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the milk in the fridge and I relaxed for a bit as I did feel a little tired.I also did some more personal PC work.
After eating a light dinner,I headed over to my Thursday evening study group and that also went wonderfully well.After that was over,I went to a local supermarket to but one more thing and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into night clothes and headed for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.I am always battling these things and the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be pretty monotonous at times.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.If that wasn't bad enough,I also struggle with SSA and those struggles are made even more difficult by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.For much of the day,I kept busy by staying out in the community and that took my mind off of the sexual stuff.But when I was alone at home,the images of men clouded my mind and I lost myself by "near masturbation",but managed to stop myself.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for giving into that particular temptation.I did feel better,but I still need to get tough on myself.I need to start saying "NO!" when these things start coming into my mentality.I need to start really praying and really start asking for strength to fight and resist these urges.I need to stay strong and show the unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to really get tough and say that I won't let them,the unnatural desires,dictate to nor define who I am and who I will be.I am also again asking for prayers by y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts.I am always in need of prayer.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting with the priest that I met with a month ago for another counseling session,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I got an unexpected request from my next door neighbor early this afternoon.I went with her so she could pick up her pet cat at a local animal hospital.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,I went into the house to use the bathroom as I really had to use it.After that,I headed back out to run a few errands and when they were done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more personal PC work and went out to clean the backseat of my car of all the empty bottles and cans that had accumulated over many weeks so I can take them back to the store tomorrow after my Thursday morning group.After that,I went back into the house to prepare my evening meal.
After eating that,I watched a little TV and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,on my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I never know how my mods and/or emotions will be from one day to the day,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It's bad enough that I struggle with this terrible psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and my psychiatric issues make the SSA struggle even more difficult to deal with.I have to put up with continuous hallucinations and those can be sexual images of other men that are not around me,but only in my mind.They flood my mind tempting me to act out on them constantly by lusting and fantasizing.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as usual,whenever that temptation comes,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation,which is never an easy choice to make.The struggles that I have can be draining emotionally and also,they can even be draining of my physical energy as I do have a lot of energy for a person my age and as a result of a few physical limitations,I can't do certain exercises like running,jogging or any type of exercise that involves the use of my feet.I am always tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting and I am always crying for help in prayer because I don't want to act out nor do I even want to struggle with this SSA as at times,I am really tired of it all.Still,I am going to stay in the fight and not give in to any temptations nor surrender to these unnatural desires that I have.That is what Satan and his minions would want me to do and I can never give them what they want.The reason is that acting out will never fulfill my needs authentically nor will it give me the satisfaction that I really need.Fellow followers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me.I still and always need your prayerful support.I am also in need of some positive verbal encouragement.Please pray for me.Please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They both continually reassure me.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,my plans to return all the bottles and cans in my car and my evening Holy Bible study group,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first went over to a friend's place to pick up something and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped A DVD in the player and I watched it.I also managed to give my visiting father a call and talked with him for a while.
After eating,I went to visit with my father for a short spell and after spending some time with him,I went back home to get ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I have a psychiatric double whammy that is very difficult to deal and struggle with on a daily basis.I am still in therapy and taking my medication as directed for this particular struggle,but at times,despite my being pro-active in this,the struggle can be very overwhelming at times and can be very difficult to endure.If having this psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also struggle with SSA,which can be also be very difficult to struggle with and endure.My psychiatric problems can contribute to the difficulty of my SSA struggle at times.I am always tempted to act out in many ways,such as fantasies,lusting and even the biggest temptation,which is going out to seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.When that latter temptation happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed it.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I need to benefit me.I have to continually keep in mind that my needs are emotional in nature and not sexual.I need to have them fulfilled in authentic ways rather than indulging in meaningless sinful sexual activity that won't give me any kind of positive fulfillment.I was tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,but it didn't last very long.I turned another way in bed and the erection softened within less than a couple of minutes and I fell fast asleep again.Today,though I wasn't out very long,I really didn't have too much problems with the SSA.Though I was tempted a little throughout the day,I just stayed busy and that kept my mind off of the unnatural sexual desires and any sexual thoughts.Though I did escape today,I know that tomorrow is another day.I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things daily and desperately to keep me self-confidence and self-esteem intact.They both also help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please do both of things for me as I really need them.I will also keep praying as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.Today,since it was raining,I chose to stay home and take it easy for the day.It was raining throughout the day and I simply didn't feel like going out.
Since I stayed home,I chose to simply relax and catch up on some reading that I have been putting off.It was simply reading a few Holy Bible based publications and using my copy of the Holy Bible alongside what I was reading.After doing that,I watched a few DVD's and relaxed while watching them.Over the weekend,I managed to put a couple more job applications in and I am hoping for the best.I am also hoping that it will lead to a job somewhere down the line.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and watch another DVD or two.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against the symptoms of both BPD and Schizophrenia.This struggle never gets any easier.I am not saying that it gets worse by the day,but at times,it does get worse.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and though I am in therapy and I do take medication,it still doesn't get any easier.It also doesn't make my SSA struggle any easier,either.The psychiatric double whammy that I have makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I have to putt up with voices telling me to do things and the voices can get quite monotonous.At times,struggling with both of these things can be emotionally draining and exhausting.At times,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with any of these things,especially SSA,which is very difficult to struggle with in and of itself.The SSA struggle is as much a rocky road as the struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia is.Again,it never gets any easier.I face temptation to act out on the unnatural desires that I have day in and day out.The temptations can be very overwhelming at times.I am still working on being tough with myself in this regard.I have to show that I won the desires and not the desires owning me.I also have to show that I own my sexuality and not my sexuality owning me.I have to work on telling these temptations constantly that I own them and they don't own me.I am working on trying making my body my slave and not me being a slave to my body.I am again asking for all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me.I need your prayers desperately and often.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.It is just that when nobody comments in the comments section when visiting my blog,I feel all alone when I don't get any words of positive encouragement.Please leave me something encouraging and positive in the comments section as I really do need some positive verbal encouragement right now.Words of positive encouragement,when combined with prayers,are very very powerful and can help in many ways,such as boosting self-confidence and self-esteem and also assuring that those who struggle are not alone in their struggle.They also help keep both my motivation and determination strong.They also help keep me going.Thanks in advance to all of you for your positive verbal encouragement and your continued prayers.Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I quickly showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and headed out the door for church.Today,my father,who is visiting from out of town,asked if he come with me today yesterday and I picked him up and we both went together.We both attended the morning's Holy Bible study class as well.
The class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,we left and I dropped my father off at the house of one of my nephew's.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit and did my personal PC work.After that,I headed out to run a few errands that needed to be run and I was hoping to visit with a few friends,but I saw that the sky was getting very cloudy with some storm clouds and I decided to head straight home just in case if a storm was coming.
When I got home,I put the stuff away that I bought and after that,I relaxed and did a little reading.
After eating,I popped a DVD into my DVD player and watched it.I relaxed the rest of the evening.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to deal and struggle with the symptoms of Schizophrenia at the same time.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate when I least expect them to.I also have to put up with hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia as well.This particular struggle also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I have to also put up with the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.I get tempted to act out by fantasies,lusting and to go out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I never know when these temptations are going to strike.Regarding the psychiatric double whammy that I have,I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed.It is just that I have to battle the SSA alongside the psychiatric double whammy that I have.These struggles really stress me out at times and can also drain me emotionally.At times,I feel pretty exhausted as far as emotions go.These struggle never get any easier.At times,as I stated previously,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with SSA nor have the temptations associated with it.I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue to pray for me and please leave me some words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide,
As for tomorrow,since it will rain tomorrow,I am just going to stay home and relax and take it easy.
That was my day today and my hopes for the ahead.FJ