Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and I headed over to my Men's Network meeting and I was having high hopes for this and was looking forward to the meeting with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.I got an awful lot out of this meeting and I headed straight home after the meeting was over.We won't be meeting again until September.
When I got home,I changed into a pair of sweatpants and settled into doing my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to do some much needed homework for my Holy Bible study class tomorrow before the morning's worship service.
It only took me a few minutes,but I got my homework done.After it was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading afterwards.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery moves onward,but the road is still a very rough and rocky one.Then again,it is how it is when one,such as myself,is struggling with BPD.Day after day,I am on a constant emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It also at times occurs on the same day where I can be up one minute and down the next minute.It is a really constant struggle emotions wise as I am going from day to day.Aside from BPD,I also put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my BPD struggle even tougher.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.Though the vast majority of the mental health professionals still hold onto their opinions about Homosexuality/SSA,I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel good for a long time to come.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection that was also another throbbing one.It was also a very overwhelming urge that really enveloped my entire body.I had to really fight this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.I was also breathing very heavily as it was a painful feeling that I was feeling and I didn't want to give into the temptation to masturbate.I simply got up and walked to the bathroom and when I was heading for there,the erection died down and after I used the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this current episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to constantly stay on guard and be watchful as that temptation can come and then,I have to try and use all of my strength to resist the temptation.I still get tempted every day to go out and seek out men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always decide to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that sort of temptation.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the positive fulfillment that I so desperately need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to constantly keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that world today is using it.God never intended for any of us to be Homosexual as he created man and woman for a reason.God's creation of man and woman firmly shows that God only approved of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and that is what God intended for sexuality to be.No questions asked.No if's,and's or but's.No substitutions.Fellow readers and followers,I am always seeking guidance and advice on how I can continually resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I am always in desperate need for it.If anyone who follows or reads drops by,please offer some suggestions and/or some words of encouragement to keep me going.Please do that as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual and also,the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed to get on with the rest of my day.
I had a few things planned.I first went to the local City Hall to pay a couple of important bills that needed to be paid.After doing that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and prepared to get ready for my appointment with the pastor of the church.I have been eagerly awaiting this for a while and I had high hopes for this.I headed over there when it was time.While awaiting that time,I did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
The meeting went wonderfully well.I got quite a bit out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy while awaiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very rough and rocky road.I am still having to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed,though at times I wish that I didn't have to take it.I am hoping that one day,my recovery will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than be on this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.It really made me feel miserable and gave me feelings that I failed.Plus,it really brought me down.Later on,I did get another erection,but that died down when I got up and I simply went back to sleep.I have fallen at least three times in the past two weeks and I sometimes don't know whether I am coming or going.The struggle to try and resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,other than having sexual activity with another member of the same gender,is really a difficult one.I no longer want to act out on these unnatural desires and I no longer want to have sexual feelings for members of my own gender.Aside from the temptation to act out by masturbating,whether it is emotional or sexual fantasy,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said previously,I willfully choose not to satisfy nor feed that temptation and I simply stay home whenever that particular temptation occurs.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need,crave and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and that's the identity that I am so desperately trying to escape and distance myself from.I also no longer want to be a Homosexual.I want to be the man that God intended me to be.I also want to be the man that God wants me to be.I know that God never intended me to be a Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I want to be the happy,healthy and masculine man that God wants me to be and also,strive to become the Heterosexual man that he intended me to be.I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions from those who have been checking out my blog by visiting and reading what I post.Please don't be shy.Please post comments that are and will be encouraging to me and will get me back on the right track and keep me going in this fight against these unnatural desires that I have.I would greatly appreciate that as a positive word or two would really make my day.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting in the morning and I will be attending that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I first went to my Thursday morning spirituality group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.I headed over there with high hopes.
The meeting went wonderfully well.I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up several things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for the groceries,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped the groceries off and put them in their proper places.After doing that,I headed out the door again to go to an AMVETS thrift store in the next county.I had been meaning to get out there for a long time and thought that I could get out there today.
I did find quite a few things there and after I paid for the stuff that I found,I headed straight home.
When I came home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues marching forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I am still struggling with this emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from day to day.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to go through this.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult and also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate as it was really strong.I tried to toss and turn and it didn't work.I simply had to get up and walk and when I did,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out,in any way,shape or form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply ignore that by staying home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I still have to keep in mind that acting on these unnatural desires will never give me what I want nor will it solve any problems.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and that is the identity that I trying to escape and totally distance myself from.I also don't want to masturbate anymore and I am so desperately seeking how I can continue to resist the temptations to act out and so far,nobody has said anything.Silence is never the answer.To all those who visit here and read,please leave and encouraging word or two and/or something that can help me out on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues going forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had an appointment that I had to keep as a result of me battling cold symptoms over the past several days.
I headed over to the doctor's office and I had quite a bit to tell her.I wanted to stop feeling these cold symptoms and I was hoping to get a prescription to knock them out.
The meeting with the doctor went well and I got a prescription.After getting the prescription filled at a nearby drug store and taking one pill after it was filled,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,it is still a very rough and rocky road.I am continuing to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.I don't know if I will be up or feeling down.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that really makes it even tougher to deal with.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start feeling good for a while rather than deal with the ups and downs in regards to my mood.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by yet another morning erection in the wee early morning hours.It was also another throbbing erection and the temptation to act out by masturbating was very overwhelming.I had to get up and head for the bathroom as I felt that I needed to go and when I headed for there,the erection died down and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to put up with the temptations that I have been getting constantly as of late.Day after day,I am getting tempted to act out on these unnatural desires and at times,the temptation to act out can be very overwhelming like it was in the wee early morning hours this morning.I am still getting tempted to to go out and search for male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but when that happens,I willfully choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that particular temptation.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I truly and so desperately need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that God,when he created humans male and female,never intended for sexuality to be used and abused in this manner.God intends for all of us to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals as that is what he intended sexuality to be and not between two members of the same gender.I am getting tempted constantly as of late and I really need the help and support of those who read and follow this blog of mine.Please help me.I am still seeking some advice and/or suggestions as to how I can remain strong in the face of these overwhelming temptations.Please help me.Thanks in advance for anything provided.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.but it is still a very difficult and rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor,but due to my fighting cold symptoms and hoping for relieve,I cancelled the appointment.I have an appointment with her in two weeks,so it isn't a big deal.I just didn't want the counselor to catch anything that I had.After that phone call,I headed out to do what I had to do.
I first went to the post office to mail out some bills that needed to be mailed.After doing that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed straight home to relax and continue fighting the cold symptoms that I have.I have a doctor's appointment for tomorrow afternoon just in case nothing changes.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also continued to drink hot Echinacea tea in hopes of ridding myself of the cold.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a very difficult one at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I never know how my emotions will be.I can never predict if my emotions will be up or if my emotions will be down.I am constantly on an emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.I really had to fight this temptation as it was really overwhelming and also,it was another throbbing erection.I tried to toss and turn repeatedly,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and when I started to walk,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually try to stay strong to resist the temptation to masturbate any erections away.I also have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually try to stay strong to resist any temptation to act out.I am still tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I always willfully choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation as that will never give me what I truly need and want.I need and want affirmation of my gender identity and I want to feel the authentic feelings that one gets from that affirmation.As I have said before and I will say again,I don't want to masturbate anymore nor do I want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have as it won't give me the fulfillment that I desperately and truly need,seek and want.Again,if anyone has any advice on how I can continue to stay strong and continue to resist any type of temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,please share.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a doctor's appointment to discuss the cold symptoms that I am trying to relieve myself from.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and also,I drank a couple more cups of herbal Echinacea tea as I am still battling cold symptoms.I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
Since I am battling cold symptoms,I chose not to go to my usual Monday afternoon group as I didn't want nobody to catch this.As a result of that,I simply did what I had to do.I first went to pay my car insurance.After that was paid,I went to the bank to withdraw some more money.After that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day to take care of my cold.I did make an appointment with the doctor for Wednesday afternoon just in case I would be still feeling ill.
When I got home,I started to brew a couple more cups of Echinacea tea and I relaxed while watching a movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,but the road is still a rough one indeed.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still continuing to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be feeling down.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will still continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will be feeling good for a long while instead of this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into that dreaded temptation to masturbate late last night.I really felt bad after giving into that terrible temptation.I also was tempted to masturbate again in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to get up and use the bathroom,so I got up and walked to the bathroom and the erection softened and after using it,I went back to sleep.I really need to work on trying to stay strong in the face of temptation whenever the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form rears it's ugly head when least expected.I don't want to masturbate anymore.It only reinforces the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I also don't want to find other men sexually attractive anymore and I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and to find joy and happiness with my true gender identity,which is male.I want to be free and I want to become what God wants me to be.I still get tempted every day to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them,but as I said before and I will say again,I have willfully chosen not to feed nor satisfy that temptation as acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.Again,I am going to ask for any suggestions or advice as to how I can gain strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation and I also need to know how I can contain that terrible,impure and unclean habit for good.Thanks in advance for any answers.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After the bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone afterwards,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a store to pick up something.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I also heated up a cup of Echinacea tea and drank it during a break from the PC work.I started to brew another cup of tea after that and drank it after I was done with my personal PC work.
After my personal work was done,I got all of my dirty clothes together so I could take them to the laundromat to get them cleaned up.After putting everything in the car,I headed for the place.
On the way there,I made a couple of stops.I stopped at a local convenience store to pick up something to drink.After that,I headed over to a local Chinese restaurant to pick up a hot bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and a couple of egg rols.After paying for them,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got to the laundromat,I put all of my dirty clothes in a washer and relaxed while waiting for them to get clean.I had my lunch while waiting for them to get clean
After about 45 minutes,my clothes were ready to be put inside a couple of dryers to get dried.After a little over 1/2 an hour,I pulled them out and folded them up and bagged them.After bagging them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I unbagged the laundry and put it all in it's proper place.After that,I made another cup of Echinacea tea and relaxed while drinking it.I also made another one before eating.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery still continues to move forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when somebody,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road is usually a rough and rocky one indeed.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never easy dealing and struggling with this.Aside from BPD,I also have struggles with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my struggles with Homosexuality and easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,I will start feeling good one day and will continue to do so for a little while longer rather than put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am on constantly.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It wasn't just the erection that woke me up,it was also because my right eye was watery.I simply walked to the medicine chest and took tow Echinacea and Goldenseal capsules with water followed by two ibuprofen liquid gels.Within a couple minutes,my eye stopped watering and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what type it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Nobody,like myself,can guess when the temptation to act out will come around.I have to work on staying strong and keeping up a good fight against temptation.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out with them as sexual thoughts about men continue to preoccupy my mind constantly,but I willfully choose not to do that and I stay home whenever that temptation rolls around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that goes with that affirmation.I also want to relate,identify and connect with my fellow men in a healthy and authentic way in the forms of real friendships and bonding with my fellow men,which is all I need and ask for.Again,I am glad that there are those who read everything and I am glad for some encouraging comments that have been left behind by those who regularly read and follow my blog.But I still need some friendly advice on how I can resist the temptation to masturbate and how to stay strong in the face of that temptation.Anything is welcomed.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ