Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed to get on with the rest of my day.
I had a few things planned.I first went to the local City Hall to pay a couple of important bills that needed to be paid.After doing that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and prepared to get ready for my appointment with the pastor of the church.I have been eagerly awaiting this for a while and I had high hopes for this.I headed over there when it was time.While awaiting that time,I did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
The meeting went wonderfully well.I got quite a bit out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy while awaiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very rough and rocky road.I am still having to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed,though at times I wish that I didn't have to take it.I am hoping that one day,my recovery will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than be on this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.It really made me feel miserable and gave me feelings that I failed.Plus,it really brought me down.Later on,I did get another erection,but that died down when I got up and I simply went back to sleep.I have fallen at least three times in the past two weeks and I sometimes don't know whether I am coming or going.The struggle to try and resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,other than having sexual activity with another member of the same gender,is really a difficult one.I no longer want to act out on these unnatural desires and I no longer want to have sexual feelings for members of my own gender.Aside from the temptation to act out by masturbating,whether it is emotional or sexual fantasy,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said previously,I willfully choose not to satisfy nor feed that temptation and I simply stay home whenever that particular temptation occurs.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need,crave and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and that's the identity that I am so desperately trying to escape and distance myself from.I also no longer want to be a Homosexual.I want to be the man that God intended me to be.I also want to be the man that God wants me to be.I know that God never intended me to be a Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I want to be the happy,healthy and masculine man that God wants me to be and also,strive to become the Heterosexual man that he intended me to be.I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions from those who have been checking out my blog by visiting and reading what I post.Please don't be shy.Please post comments that are and will be encouraging to me and will get me back on the right track and keep me going in this fight against these unnatural desires that I have.I would greatly appreciate that as a positive word or two would really make my day.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting in the morning and I will be attending that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ