Tonight,my road to recovery continues.but it is still a very difficult and rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor,but due to my fighting cold symptoms and hoping for relieve,I cancelled the appointment.I have an appointment with her in two weeks,so it isn't a big deal.I just didn't want the counselor to catch anything that I had.After that phone call,I headed out to do what I had to do.
I first went to the post office to mail out some bills that needed to be mailed.After doing that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed straight home to relax and continue fighting the cold symptoms that I have.I have a doctor's appointment for tomorrow afternoon just in case nothing changes.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also continued to drink hot Echinacea tea in hopes of ridding myself of the cold.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a very difficult one at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I never know how my emotions will be.I can never predict if my emotions will be up or if my emotions will be down.I am constantly on an emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.I really had to fight this temptation as it was really overwhelming and also,it was another throbbing erection.I tried to toss and turn repeatedly,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and when I started to walk,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually try to stay strong to resist the temptation to masturbate any erections away.I also have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually try to stay strong to resist any temptation to act out.I am still tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I always willfully choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation as that will never give me what I truly need and want.I need and want affirmation of my gender identity and I want to feel the authentic feelings that one gets from that affirmation.As I have said before and I will say again,I don't want to masturbate anymore nor do I want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have as it won't give me the fulfillment that I desperately and truly need,seek and want.Again,if anyone has any advice on how I can continue to stay strong and continue to resist any type of temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,please share.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a doctor's appointment to discuss the cold symptoms that I am trying to relieve myself from.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ