Tonight,my road to recovery continues going forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had an appointment that I had to keep as a result of me battling cold symptoms over the past several days.
I headed over to the doctor's office and I had quite a bit to tell her.I wanted to stop feeling these cold symptoms and I was hoping to get a prescription to knock them out.
The meeting with the doctor went well and I got a prescription.After getting the prescription filled at a nearby drug store and taking one pill after it was filled,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,it is still a very rough and rocky road.I am continuing to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.I don't know if I will be up or feeling down.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that really makes it even tougher to deal with.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start feeling good for a while rather than deal with the ups and downs in regards to my mood.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by yet another morning erection in the wee early morning hours.It was also another throbbing erection and the temptation to act out by masturbating was very overwhelming.I had to get up and head for the bathroom as I felt that I needed to go and when I headed for there,the erection died down and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to put up with the temptations that I have been getting constantly as of late.Day after day,I am getting tempted to act out on these unnatural desires and at times,the temptation to act out can be very overwhelming like it was in the wee early morning hours this morning.I am still getting tempted to to go out and search for male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but when that happens,I willfully choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that particular temptation.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I truly and so desperately need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that God,when he created humans male and female,never intended for sexuality to be used and abused in this manner.God intends for all of us to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals as that is what he intended sexuality to be and not between two members of the same gender.I am getting tempted constantly as of late and I really need the help and support of those who read and follow this blog of mine.Please help me.I am still seeking some advice and/or suggestions as to how I can remain strong in the face of these overwhelming temptations.Please help me.Thanks in advance for anything provided.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ