Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
I really didn't have too much on my agenda today.It was Saturday and it also snowed a little very early this morning as I saw that there was yet another light dusting of snow on the ground when I looked out this morning.I looked out to see if the latest free paper was delivered,which it wasn't,and so I went back to work.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I went to a local store to pick up a few things and after that,I headed straight home as I had an assignment that I had to complete for my sexual abuse support counselor,which I have an appointment with on Thursday in the mid afternoon.I wanted to get that assignment ready for her and when I was finished,I relaxed again for a while and watched a DVD.There is really nothing much to do on a Saturday in my hometown,especially when it is on the verge of winter and the weather is really cold.Then again,the politicians don't do much to ensure that there are fun things to do at all during any time of the year.Again,I just relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also watched some holiday themed DVD's after the news was over.I then did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery process from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go as positively as it can,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with the symptoms of that.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I will say that my temptation to act out on my desires is minimal at best at the moment.Last night,I wrote another fantasy story using the word program that I have and I didn't save it.I simply closed off the program and chose not to save the story for future reference.I even kept it really short,which wasn't easy for me to do.I did feel better and I do feel much better than yesterday after I fell short early in the morning and felt miserable afterwards.But today,the feelings are now different.The only other thing that happened to me was that I ran into somebody I know who is still very active in that so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" and since he knows that I left that lifestyle behind several years ago and he asked me a question that really caught me off guard when he asked me "Where is your life now since you left the "Gay" lifestyle behind?" When he asked that,I really didn't know what to say since that question has never been asked to me before by anyone.I simply told him that I couldn't talk about that at the moment as I wasn't in the mood to talk about it at all and I just didn't have the time to do so.He simply said that it was okay and we could talk about it another time when we met.We went our own ways and I went home and I really couldn't get the question off of my mind.I really can't tell him about all of the overwhelming temptation that I have been having to act out and I really can't tell him about all the masturbatory stuff that I have had been doing.The thing is that this guy is still active in that sinful lifestyle and he still believes the lie that "Homosexuals/Gays" are simply born that way and that there is nothing that can be changed about that.Again,I really don't know what I could say to him.I am also hoping that I don't run into him next week or anytime in the near and distant future.Still,despite that experience,my temptation to act out is still minimal at best and I am hoping that it stays that way.I have no craving to watch pornography nor do I have any craving to visit a website dedicated to this sinful lifestyle,which usually consists of looking at pictures of men without their clothes on and drooling over them and later,use those images as masturbatory fuel.Again,I am hoping that my temptation to act out on these unnatural and sinful desires continues to be minimal.I really like where I am at at the moment and I hope that the temptation to act out stays minimal.I know that this is also a one day at a time thing,but I am just hoping that the temptation to act out stays minimal in the near and distant future.
Tomorrow morning,I am planning to attend the morning's church service and I am looking forward to that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I dried up and shaved and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had some stuff on my agenda.
I mailed out a couple more Christmas cards today.After mailing those,I headed over to a friends house to help him unload some stuff that he needed to unload by donating them to the Salvation Army.After we did that,I dropped him off at home and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those articles,I headed over to one of mom's friend's houses to pick up something for her.After picking them up,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with it and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better from that in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.This time,it was both emotional and sexual.Images of naked men continued to cloud my mind and it was all feeling unbearable for me to handle.Plus,my genitals were about hard and I simply continued manipulating them.I gave into the temptation and I went all the way until I climaxed.I felt miserable and lousy after the whole thing happened.The reason why is because masturbation to any sexual fantasies with men or even for emotional reasons isn't going to get me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.There is also another reason why I do masturbate.It is because I am trying to connect with my lost maleness,which though is senseless and will never give me anything like that at all,because when I finally became an adult man,I really didn't have the sense that I was A MAN as I didn't really feel like a man.I still don't feel like A MAN as I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.After that masturbatory episode,I knew that I had to do some work.I ended my memberships with online groups that catered to such things as they were the ones that really triggered the fantasy stuff.It took me five minutes,but as of now,I am unsubscribed.It will take several days for the images to diminish,but I will be relieved when they do.Still,any form of advice or suggestions on what worked for any of you out there who regularly read my blog posts would be appreciated.I am always open to learning new positive coping skills.Thanks in advance for anything shared and/or provided.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I dried up and shaved and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had some stuff on my agenda.
I mailed out a couple more Christmas cards today.After mailing those,I headed over to a friends house to help him unload some stuff that he needed to unload by donating them to the Salvation Army.After we did that,I dropped him off at home and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those articles,I headed over to one of mom's friend's houses to pick up something for her.After picking them up,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with it and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better from that in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.This time,it was both emotional and sexual.Images of naked men continued to cloud my mind and it was all feeling unbearable for me to handle.Plus,my genitals were about hard and I simply continued manipulating them.I gave into the temptation and I went all the way until I climaxed.I felt miserable and lousy after the whole thing happened.The reason why is because masturbation to any sexual fantasies with men or even for emotional reasons isn't going to get me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.There is also another reason why I do masturbate.It is because I am trying to connect with my lost maleness,which though is senseless and will never give me anything like that at all,because when I finally became an adult man,I really didn't have the sense that I was A MAN as I didn't really feel like a man.I still don't feel like A MAN as I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.After that masturbatory episode,I knew that I had to do some work.I ended my memberships with online groups that catered to such things as they were the ones that really triggered the fantasy stuff.It took me five minutes,but as of now,I am unsubscribed.It will take several days for the images to diminish,but I will be relieved when they do.Still,any form of advice or suggestions on what worked for any of you out there who regularly read my blog posts would be appreciated.I am always open to learning new positive coping skills.Thanks in advance for anything shared and/or provided.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some personal stuff planned for today and I wanted to be sure and ready for them all.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and anticipation.
The group was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local community kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished with that.I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else planned nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated,but this time,it was more of an emotional craving rather than sexual.I was just feeling something early in the morning and I really can't describe the feeling in words.I simply gave in to the temptation to masturbate and after it was over,I really didn't feel much better.I mean,the initial feelings were positive,but within a split second,they turned into negative feelings of regret and remorse.I will just have to stay on guard and try to watch out the next time.Masturbation will never give me what I want as the feelings afterwards are not pretty once the reality sets in.But I still need to stay on guard and try to be stronger the next time.The craving might have been emotional this time around,but next time,it could be sexual and I need to be careful what I think about and whatever comes into my mind.If anyone is reading out there,I could still use some advice.If anyone can help,please do so.Thanks.It is just that I am so sick and tired of finding men more sexually attractive than women because I no longer want to find men more sexually attractive than women.Please,nobody try to talk me into accepting this and embracing it as I don't want to because it is not what God intended for me to be as a man.God wants me to be Heterosexual and not Homosexual.God made man and woman for a reason and that alone shows that he only approves of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and not Homosexuality as far as sexual activity goes.God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world is using it and abusing it.I am really desperate here.I don't want to have anything sexual with a man,but my desires want me to.I am sick of having visions of naked men with impressive sized penises flooding my head.Again,if anyone can be of help and give me advice in this,I would very much appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.I want my fellow men to accept me as I am and I also want that gender affirmation from them and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation that I so desperately need and so desperately searching for.Again,any help,advice or suggestions are appreciated.Thanks.Only women are supposed to find men more sexually attractive in the same manner that only men are supposed to find women more sexually attractive,as we are all biologically hard-wired for male-female compatibility.It is not the other way around as sexual relations with two members of the same gender is NOT an alternative to healthy and happy sexual relations between a man and a woman as that is the way that God intended all of us humans to be and also the way he intended sexuality to be as well.He never meant for us humans to find members of our own gender more sexually attractive.The Holy Bible repeatedly states in both the Old and New Testaments that this sort of sexual activity is sinful,wrong and unacceptable.Once again,if anyone out there,especially any really true Christians who read my blog regularly,can give me any helpful advice,suggestions and anything of that sort,please share by commenting on in the comments section.Again,Thanks so much in advance for doing so.I really hate finding men more sexually attractive as this is so wrong for me to be in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I want to find women more sexually attractive.Please give any helpful advice or comments in the comments section.Thanks.
Last night,I wrote another fantasy story that was on my mind for a long time and I did feel better.For now,I am putting this type of thing on hold for a while as I don't want to use it too much as it might backfire on me later on.But again,after it was written,the fantasy was out and after closing off the program without saving it,I felt better that it was no longer a part of me anymore.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some personal stuff planned for today and I wanted to be sure and ready for them all.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and anticipation.
The group was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local community kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished with that.I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else planned nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated,but this time,it was more of an emotional craving rather than sexual.I was just feeling something early in the morning and I really can't describe the feeling in words.I simply gave in to the temptation to masturbate and after it was over,I really didn't feel much better.I mean,the initial feelings were positive,but within a split second,they turned into negative feelings of regret and remorse.I will just have to stay on guard and try to watch out the next time.Masturbation will never give me what I want as the feelings afterwards are not pretty once the reality sets in.But I still need to stay on guard and try to be stronger the next time.The craving might have been emotional this time around,but next time,it could be sexual and I need to be careful what I think about and whatever comes into my mind.If anyone is reading out there,I could still use some advice.If anyone can help,please do so.Thanks.It is just that I am so sick and tired of finding men more sexually attractive than women because I no longer want to find men more sexually attractive than women.Please,nobody try to talk me into accepting this and embracing it as I don't want to because it is not what God intended for me to be as a man.God wants me to be Heterosexual and not Homosexual.God made man and woman for a reason and that alone shows that he only approves of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and not Homosexuality as far as sexual activity goes.God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world is using it and abusing it.I am really desperate here.I don't want to have anything sexual with a man,but my desires want me to.I am sick of having visions of naked men with impressive sized penises flooding my head.Again,if anyone can be of help and give me advice in this,I would very much appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.I want my fellow men to accept me as I am and I also want that gender affirmation from them and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation that I so desperately need and so desperately searching for.Again,any help,advice or suggestions are appreciated.Thanks.Only women are supposed to find men more sexually attractive in the same manner that only men are supposed to find women more sexually attractive,as we are all biologically hard-wired for male-female compatibility.It is not the other way around as sexual relations with two members of the same gender is NOT an alternative to healthy and happy sexual relations between a man and a woman as that is the way that God intended all of us humans to be and also the way he intended sexuality to be as well.He never meant for us humans to find members of our own gender more sexually attractive.The Holy Bible repeatedly states in both the Old and New Testaments that this sort of sexual activity is sinful,wrong and unacceptable.Once again,if anyone out there,especially any really true Christians who read my blog regularly,can give me any helpful advice,suggestions and anything of that sort,please share by commenting on in the comments section.Again,Thanks so much in advance for doing so.I really hate finding men more sexually attractive as this is so wrong for me to be in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I want to find women more sexually attractive.Please give any helpful advice or comments in the comments section.Thanks.
Last night,I wrote another fantasy story that was on my mind for a long time and I did feel better.For now,I am putting this type of thing on hold for a while as I don't want to use it too much as it might backfire on me later on.But again,after it was written,the fantasy was out and after closing off the program without saving it,I felt better that it was no longer a part of me anymore.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to prepare to do what I had to do for the rest of the day.
After getting dressed,I started writing out some more Christmas cards for the people that I knew around the town and a few out of town.After they were done,I put stamps on them and I mailed them out when I went out.After that,I had a few more things that I needed to do.
I had to pick up some clothes of mine from the same place where I do my laundry as a result that it is also a dry cleaning and professional cleaning place.After doing that,I headed over to a couple of other stores to pick up things that my mom wanted me to pick up.After doing that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with it.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out.But at the moment,my temptation is minimal at best.Ever since I started writing my fantasies down as short stories and then closing off the word program without saving them for future reference,my temptation to act out has been reduced.For a while,my temptation to act out was really strong,but now,it has been reduced.I even wrote out another fantasy yesterday and afterwards,read from my copy of the Holy Bible.I am now trying to keep my thoughts spiritual and hopefully,this will continue to work for me.I also have to continue to keep in mind that pornography is garbage and that in itself,which is also a form of acting out,will also never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go along with it.Still,I am looking for any advice oh how I can continue to resist temptation whenever the temptation to act out comes around.If anyone can give any ideas,suggestions or advice as to how I can resist the temptation to act out,please feel free to share.I would really appreciate anything.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to prepare to do what I had to do for the rest of the day.
After getting dressed,I started writing out some more Christmas cards for the people that I knew around the town and a few out of town.After they were done,I put stamps on them and I mailed them out when I went out.After that,I had a few more things that I needed to do.
I had to pick up some clothes of mine from the same place where I do my laundry as a result that it is also a dry cleaning and professional cleaning place.After doing that,I headed over to a couple of other stores to pick up things that my mom wanted me to pick up.After doing that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with it.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out.But at the moment,my temptation is minimal at best.Ever since I started writing my fantasies down as short stories and then closing off the word program without saving them for future reference,my temptation to act out has been reduced.For a while,my temptation to act out was really strong,but now,it has been reduced.I even wrote out another fantasy yesterday and afterwards,read from my copy of the Holy Bible.I am now trying to keep my thoughts spiritual and hopefully,this will continue to work for me.I also have to continue to keep in mind that pornography is garbage and that in itself,which is also a form of acting out,will also never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go along with it.Still,I am looking for any advice oh how I can continue to resist temptation whenever the temptation to act out comes around.If anyone can give any ideas,suggestions or advice as to how I can resist the temptation to act out,please feel free to share.I would really appreciate anything.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things that needed to be done.
Before setting out to do those things,I had lunch of a bowl of soup and a sandwich.After lunch,I headed out to do my duties.
I first went to the post office to get some stamps and mail out some Christmas cards.After that,I proceeded to go to two local stores to pick up a few things.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after that,I went across the street to the nearby supermarket to pick one more thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,my temptation to act out is minimal.It has been since I started writing the fantasies that I have as short stories and then willfully choosing not to save them so I can simply forget them.It has done some good.I am not feeling much of the feelings anymore.I am hoping that I don't have to worry about being afraid of the temptation once it comes around.Temptation still scares me most of the time as I really hate being tempted.I am hoping that my temptation to act out does disappear someday.I guess that I have to just keep right on writing everything down and bot saving it and maybe,my cravings to act out will continue to be minimal or nil.Still,I would like any form of advice.If anyone can suggest something else that I can try,please share any suggestions.They are always appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans made.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things that needed to be done.
Before setting out to do those things,I had lunch of a bowl of soup and a sandwich.After lunch,I headed out to do my duties.
I first went to the post office to get some stamps and mail out some Christmas cards.After that,I proceeded to go to two local stores to pick up a few things.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after that,I went across the street to the nearby supermarket to pick one more thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,my temptation to act out is minimal.It has been since I started writing the fantasies that I have as short stories and then willfully choosing not to save them so I can simply forget them.It has done some good.I am not feeling much of the feelings anymore.I am hoping that I don't have to worry about being afraid of the temptation once it comes around.Temptation still scares me most of the time as I really hate being tempted.I am hoping that my temptation to act out does disappear someday.I guess that I have to just keep right on writing everything down and bot saving it and maybe,my cravings to act out will continue to be minimal or nil.Still,I would like any form of advice.If anyone can suggest something else that I can try,please share any suggestions.They are always appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans made.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I dried up and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
On my way to my scheduled groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where the groups were.
Both of the groups that I attended today went great.I got a lot out of them and I really felt better after attending them.When the last group was over,I headed straight home as that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out on the unnatural desires associated with the condition are minimal at the moment.Since deciding to write down every fantasy that I have on a word program and closing it off without saving the story for anything has been reducing my temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of reaching hardness or near hardness for masturbating to fantasies as a result of my writing all of what I have fantasy-wise and then afterwards forgetting all about them.I even wrote another one last night and I did feel better as I had no desire to even think of acting out.As usual,I read a few chapters in my copy of the Holy Bible as per the recommendation of the daily devotions that I receive courtesy of the radio ministry of the church that I attend.Since this is working,I am going to keep writing these fantasies as stories and then continue closing them off without saving them until I have none.Still,any other advice and suggestions are always welcome.Thanks in advance to anyone who offers such things.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I dried up and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
On my way to my scheduled groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where the groups were.
Both of the groups that I attended today went great.I got a lot out of them and I really felt better after attending them.When the last group was over,I headed straight home as that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out on the unnatural desires associated with the condition are minimal at the moment.Since deciding to write down every fantasy that I have on a word program and closing it off without saving the story for anything has been reducing my temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of reaching hardness or near hardness for masturbating to fantasies as a result of my writing all of what I have fantasy-wise and then afterwards forgetting all about them.I even wrote another one last night and I did feel better as I had no desire to even think of acting out.As usual,I read a few chapters in my copy of the Holy Bible as per the recommendation of the daily devotions that I receive courtesy of the radio ministry of the church that I attend.Since this is working,I am going to keep writing these fantasies as stories and then continue closing them off without saving them until I have none.Still,any other advice and suggestions are always welcome.Thanks in advance to anyone who offers such things.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only half of my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed up to go to the morning's church service.I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.
The service was very wonderful and after the service,I had quite a bit of wonderful fellowship with the others and even had the chance to talk with people that I hadn't spoken with before.After all of this,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had myself a quick lunch of a bowl of soup with a sandwich and after eating lunch,I finished my personal PC work.After finishing,I decided to get my laundry together to go to the laundromat and get my laundry done.
On the way to the laundromat,I stopped at the local Big Lots to check out a few things.After that,I headed over to two more stores to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After picking those up,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got there,I managed to find a machine that wasn't being used and I started to do my laundry immediately.I waited for over half an hour for it to get done and after it was,I put them in the dryer to dry them.
After yet another half an hour,I took my clothes out of the dryer and folded them all.After bagging them,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor anything else to do.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to act out on these desires is minimal.Ever since that I started typing up short stories of fantasies that I have had in the past that have continued to overwhelm me negatively making the healing process difficult at the same time,I have been feeling better.It is simply a process of getting it out of your system and after that,forgetting it.I have been using an office starter program to do that and after I am finished writing it,I close off the program and I don't save the stories for printing or onto disc.After writing them,I close off the program and then forget them.Getting these fantasies out in this way has been really relieving and I am now feeling less temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting hard or near hard for masturbation nor have any images of nude men have come to cloud out my mind.I am feeling better.I am hoping that one day,I will be all fantasied out and I won't have to write anymore short stories about any of them.I know that I will still get the temptation to act out each and every day and I must work through the temptations one day at a time at best.But since this has been minimal,I can now relax and not worry.I even wrote a short story last night and it was the most sick,twisted and perverted fantasy story that I have written so far.I am feeling better now and that is good.Still,if anyone else can help with any more suggestions or advice,that would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending groups that I must attend and after that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only half of my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed up to go to the morning's church service.I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.
The service was very wonderful and after the service,I had quite a bit of wonderful fellowship with the others and even had the chance to talk with people that I hadn't spoken with before.After all of this,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had myself a quick lunch of a bowl of soup with a sandwich and after eating lunch,I finished my personal PC work.After finishing,I decided to get my laundry together to go to the laundromat and get my laundry done.
On the way to the laundromat,I stopped at the local Big Lots to check out a few things.After that,I headed over to two more stores to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After picking those up,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got there,I managed to find a machine that wasn't being used and I started to do my laundry immediately.I waited for over half an hour for it to get done and after it was,I put them in the dryer to dry them.
After yet another half an hour,I took my clothes out of the dryer and folded them all.After bagging them,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor anything else to do.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to act out on these desires is minimal.Ever since that I started typing up short stories of fantasies that I have had in the past that have continued to overwhelm me negatively making the healing process difficult at the same time,I have been feeling better.It is simply a process of getting it out of your system and after that,forgetting it.I have been using an office starter program to do that and after I am finished writing it,I close off the program and I don't save the stories for printing or onto disc.After writing them,I close off the program and then forget them.Getting these fantasies out in this way has been really relieving and I am now feeling less temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting hard or near hard for masturbation nor have any images of nude men have come to cloud out my mind.I am feeling better.I am hoping that one day,I will be all fantasied out and I won't have to write anymore short stories about any of them.I know that I will still get the temptation to act out each and every day and I must work through the temptations one day at a time at best.But since this has been minimal,I can now relax and not worry.I even wrote a short story last night and it was the most sick,twisted and perverted fantasy story that I have written so far.I am feeling better now and that is good.Still,if anyone else can help with any more suggestions or advice,that would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending groups that I must attend and after that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
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