Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
I really didn't have too much on my agenda today.It was Saturday and it also snowed a little very early this morning as I saw that there was yet another light dusting of snow on the ground when I looked out this morning.I looked out to see if the latest free paper was delivered,which it wasn't,and so I went back to work.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I went to a local store to pick up a few things and after that,I headed straight home as I had an assignment that I had to complete for my sexual abuse support counselor,which I have an appointment with on Thursday in the mid afternoon.I wanted to get that assignment ready for her and when I was finished,I relaxed again for a while and watched a DVD.There is really nothing much to do on a Saturday in my hometown,especially when it is on the verge of winter and the weather is really cold.Then again,the politicians don't do much to ensure that there are fun things to do at all during any time of the year.Again,I just relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also watched some holiday themed DVD's after the news was over.I then did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery process from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go as positively as it can,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with the symptoms of that.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I will say that my temptation to act out on my desires is minimal at best at the moment.Last night,I wrote another fantasy story using the word program that I have and I didn't save it.I simply closed off the program and chose not to save the story for future reference.I even kept it really short,which wasn't easy for me to do.I did feel better and I do feel much better than yesterday after I fell short early in the morning and felt miserable afterwards.But today,the feelings are now different.The only other thing that happened to me was that I ran into somebody I know who is still very active in that so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" and since he knows that I left that lifestyle behind several years ago and he asked me a question that really caught me off guard when he asked me "Where is your life now since you left the "Gay" lifestyle behind?" When he asked that,I really didn't know what to say since that question has never been asked to me before by anyone.I simply told him that I couldn't talk about that at the moment as I wasn't in the mood to talk about it at all and I just didn't have the time to do so.He simply said that it was okay and we could talk about it another time when we met.We went our own ways and I went home and I really couldn't get the question off of my mind.I really can't tell him about all of the overwhelming temptation that I have been having to act out and I really can't tell him about all the masturbatory stuff that I have had been doing.The thing is that this guy is still active in that sinful lifestyle and he still believes the lie that "Homosexuals/Gays" are simply born that way and that there is nothing that can be changed about that.Again,I really don't know what I could say to him.I am also hoping that I don't run into him next week or anytime in the near and distant future.Still,despite that experience,my temptation to act out is still minimal at best and I am hoping that it stays that way.I have no craving to watch pornography nor do I have any craving to visit a website dedicated to this sinful lifestyle,which usually consists of looking at pictures of men without their clothes on and drooling over them and later,use those images as masturbatory fuel.Again,I am hoping that my temptation to act out on these unnatural and sinful desires continues to be minimal.I really like where I am at at the moment and I hope that the temptation to act out stays minimal.I know that this is also a one day at a time thing,but I am just hoping that the temptation to act out stays minimal in the near and distant future.
Tomorrow morning,I am planning to attend the morning's church service and I am looking forward to that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ