Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I only had a few things on my agenda today.First,I went to a local hair place to get my hair cut.It really needed it.After getting my hair cut,I went to one of the supermarkets to pick up a couple of small frozen pizzas.After paying for those pizzas,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor any thing else to do.
When I got home,I simply popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when trying to sleep.I masturbated to a disgusting and degrading sexual fantasy that was clouding my mind,but there was also an emotional factor involved as I also gave into the craving of manipulating my genitals to get hard or near hard for that purpose.Yes,I gave into the temptation by masturbating until climax.I really felt miserable after that,but I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning,I did feel a little bit better as the temptation to act was minimal if nil at best.I didn't have the temptation to act out all day since late last night.I did feel miserable last night after the masturbation episode and I wished that I didn't go there.But I know that it did and since you can't change what is in the past,the only thing to do is move on and forget about it.Though I did give in,I still have to keep in mind that masturbation won't give me what I want.It only fuels the fantasies and doesn't do anything in regards to reconnecting what is lost even when it was never received.Many men with SSA masturbate to try and reconnect with their lost maleness,as Dr.Joseph Nicolosi said in his book Healing Homosexuality:Case Stories of Reparative Therapy.The problem is that masturbation will never make me reconnect with my lost maleness in any way,shape or form.Masturbation will only continue to refuel sexual fantasies and also,to keep reinstating the Homosexual identity,which is something that I am trying to overcome.The only thing that I want to be affirmed is my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the gender identity affirmation.The only way that I will even get this affirmation is by positive same sex relationships in the forms of friendships,closeness,male bonding and positive and authentic connections with other members of my own gender.I don't want anything sexual with any man at all.I just want to make more male friends.I want them to affirm me as a man.I also want to relate,identify and positively connect with other men.I don't want anything sexual at all.Sex with men will only reinforce the Homosexual identity as I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore.I want to be the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be,which is a healthy,happy and well adjusted Heterosexual.I am still yearning and hoping to reach that.Regarding temptation,if anyone out there can help me with any suggestions or advice,please do so.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service and I am looking forward to that.For the rest of the day,no plans as of yet,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after I was finished with that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done as we had a rain storm warning in effect.
I headed out to the Best Buy in the next county to specially order a couple of DVD sets.After that was done,I headed back home
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart again to buy something else.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.Admittedly,late last night,my temptation to act out on the desires was strong.I had to stop myself from trying to manipulate my genitals to get them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation and it was because of a same sex sexual fantasy that really clouded my mind.I had to stop myself from doing this as I had to remember that acting out in any way,shape or form will never get me what I want.I also have to keep in mind that masturbation,whether it is emotional,sexual or both,is a form of acting out without looking to find a male partner to act out with.I also have to keep in mind that watching Homosexual themed pornography is also a form of acting out without doing it for real with a male partner.Not only that,regarding pornography,I have to keep in mind that pornography is garbage.It is simply mental poison that gives people the wrong idea of sex.Sex is supposed to be a beautiful activity between two people,one man and one woman,and pornography simply makes it look like that sex is a dirty and unclean thing.when in reality,it is a beautiful thing.Plus,I also have to keep in mind that I am a male and I am biologically hard-wired to be sexually compatible with a female.I am only trying to follow the law of God in regards to this,but admittedly,I must say that it isn't an easy thing to do.I also have accepted the fact that I am a male and that I am a male for a reason as God made me a male.Likewise with trying to follow the law of God,accepting my gender identity was also a very difficult thing to do and I have also embraced my gender identity at the same and that is as far as I am going.I will not accept nor embrace anything else,such as the identity of Homosexuality,which in itself,is not the right way for a man to be.Each and every man in the eyes of God is a Heterosexual man as God intended for all of us to be.Not only that,each and every woman is a Heterosexual woman in the eyes of God for that same reason.God also does not condemn the Homosexual condition,but only the sexual activity associated with Homosexuality.I have to keep all of that in mind because I won't go anywhere if I don't.Still,regarding the resistance of temptations to act out in the future,I am still seeking advice and suggestions from my regular readers and followers regarding resisting temptations to act out in the near future.If anyone can help me here,I would really greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I am planning to get my hair cut.As for the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up and bathed early this morning.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work and after getting dressed,I proceeded to get on with my day.
I had only a few things planned for today.I had a spirituality group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I went there and was looking forward to a wonderful meeting.
The meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to grab a lunch.After eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out in the early morning hours while still in bed.This time,the temptation wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days.I had a near morning erection and it was just a tad stiff,but stiff enough to wake me up.I once again fought the temptation by tossing and turning until my penis started to soften and I drifted back into sleep.I slept for a little over an hour before having to get up.Today,in the early morning,I was fortunate that the temptation to act out by masturbating wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days,but that temptation to act out in that way can be strong tomorrow and the day after that and so on.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one.It is a very difficult struggle.When anyone,like myself,struggles with SSA,the temptation to act out on the desires are stronger than the strength to resist the aforementioned temptation.To put it succinctly,it is easier to act out than it is to resist.But I still need to keep myself together and to continue fighting these unnatural desires and responses.Today,the temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.But I have to keep on guard and watch myself in the near and distant future.Why?Because the temptation to act can really get stronger tomorrow or any other day and I do need to stay on guard and watch out for any cravings or desires to act out by either watching Homosexual themed porn or by masturbating whenever an early morning erection is really making the temptation strong.Regarding myself when it comes to masturbation,most of the time it's emotional,but there are times when it can be sexual and there are also times when it is both emotional and sexual.Still,masturbation in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and that is affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that comes with that gender identity affirmation.Masturbation in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and the sexual activity related to it as masturbation,in itself,is a form of acting out no matter if it's emotional,sexual or both.Again,I am still looking for any advice or suggestion on how I can continue the resistance to the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires because the way that I am currently using could fail me.I am always looking for new suggestions or advice.If anyone that reads my blog regularly can help,please share anything that you may have.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had to go to the eye doctor's office to get a test proof sheet stamped and signed by him so I could bring this by the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my license renewed next year.After that,I headed for the public library to print some stuff.After I was done with that,I headed straight home as there was really nothing for me to do today as a result of the cold and snowy weather we are having right now.Fortunately,the roads were pretty decent today as there were no troubles driving,but still,I was careful.
After arriving at home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after running one errand before the evening was through,I did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted again early this morning to act out by masturbating when I had another morning erection.But as usual,I tossed and I turned until the temptation died down and after my penis softened,I went back to sleep for another hour.Today,as per the rest of the day,my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have the temptation to act out after that brief moment early this morning.I even shared the experience that I had with all of the online support groups that I am a member of and the encouragement and support that I received was very overwhelming.Many replied to my post in the groups and others simply sent me a personal e-mail.Still,the outpouring of support and encouragement was very overwhelming.It did make my day to read the positive words that the members of all of the group had said in response to what I shared with them and all the positive things that they said was overwhelming and it did make me feel a little bit better.I guess that this is why my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I got some very encouraging words and they really made my day.All I can say is Thank God and Thank You his only begotten son the lord Jesus Christ for that.I now know that I can talk about any problem now and I know that I will get some support and encouragement.But still,I could use some advice and suggestion on how I can fight off temptation when it rears it's ugly head in the future.Anything would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group in the late morning.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be positive.I had a pretty good day today despite some frustration that happened to me in the early afternoon.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I simply relaxed while planning out my day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I only had a few errands to run and that kept me busy.
I was hoping to head out to the Best Buy in the next county with my Best Buy gift card that I got for Christmas,but was frustrated when I got a flat tire.This really changed my plans.I had to call AAA for assistance and had to wait over half an hour for the service person to get to me.When he did get there,he put the spare wheel on the passenger side front and I headed over to the local Goodyear to get it fixed and since I am a AAA member,I got the service for only half off.I waited for over twenty minutes,but it was done and I headed back out.
After leaving Goodyear,I headed for a local supermarket in my hometown to purchase something that was needed for the home.After doing that,I got some gas in my tank and I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the frustration of having that flat tire that drastically changed my plans for the day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depressions with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,continuing to deal and struggle with the symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was once again tempted in the very early morning hours.I had an erection and my desire to masturbate was very overwhelming.The erection was also pretty stiff and it throbbed.I wanted to masturbate to that,but chose to once again toss and turn until the desire to masturbate died down,which it did.My penis softened and I slept for another hour.Yesterday,I shared the experience that I shared here on this blog with the online support groups that I am a member of that help men overcome Homosexuality and how to beat the temptations that come with it when least expected.They simply told me to keep on doing what I was doing and also to keep in mind to seek God and his son Jesus Christ first and make that my main goal and the rest will fall into place.I have been so desperately trying to become the Heterosexual that God intended me to be that maybe this is why I am being tempted to act out on my desires,even though acting out will never get me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I so desperately want to receive that gender identity affirmation and I so desperately want those feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.The thing is that I can't let Satan the Devil get what he wants.He wants me to stay in the trap of Homosexuality and to indulge in all the sinful sexual behavior that is connected with it.But I won't let him get what he wants with me.I am going to work on accepting that I will be tempted and there is nothing wrong with that as every human being on Earth get tempted.I will also have to work on being ready when temptation rears it's ugly head on me and try to think of how I can tough it out and lastly,I have to work on continuing to resist the temptation to sin and act out by other means other than seeking male partners out to act out with,such as pornography,masturbating while watching porn or when the temptation to act out in that way with no pornography or when the desire is either emotional,sexual or both.I now realized that I have been trying too hard to be the Heterosexual man that God had intended me to be that I was losing sight of God and his purpose alongside his son Jesus Christ who also shares in that purpose.I now need to stay focused on God and his only begotten son Jesus Christ and seek them out and let everything else fall into place through them.I now understand why that this is the reason why the temptation to act out is really strong at the moment as having that morning erection was concerned.At the moment,my temptation to act out is minimal/nil at best and I really don't feel anything right now as I did early this morning.Again,I am still open to any advice or suggestions from anyone who follows my blog.Thanks in advance for any of them.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
My original plans were to go to Best Buy,which is in the next county,but changed my mind.I realized that it was the day after Christmas and there was going to be a lot of people out today returning and exchanging things and what not.Also,as a result of that,I knew that the traffic was going to be heavy so I chose to stay close to home today.I had only a few things to do and I got those done.
I went only to a couple of local stores to pick up a few things that were needed for the home and there wasn't too many to pick up.After paying for all of those things,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
On the subject of my struggles with SSA,I was tempted early this morning while still in bed.I had a morning erection and the temptation to masturbate was really strong.I just kept tossing and turning in bed to fight off the temptation and though it was really difficult,I actually succeeded and I fell back to sleep again as the erection died down.I did get up an hour and a half later and still really felt nothing as I got up.I don't know what I had in me to resist that temptation,but whatever it was,it worked.My temptation to act out in that way is nil at best for the rest of the day,but I know that temptation will rear it's ugly head at me again and maybe next time,the temptation to give in will be really strong.I have to keep fighting the temptation whenever it comes around and I will need some more positive reinforcement.If anyone out there who reads and follows my blog is reading this,please give me any advice or suggestions that might help me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Merry Christmas to all the ones who read my blog regularly and to everyone in the world.May this Christmas be the merriest and happiest for all of you and that y'all have many happy memories to cherish forever.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be a positive one.I had a very good and eventful day today,despite a setback.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.I was getting ready for the morning's church service and I wanted to make sure that I was ready for it.It was the Christmas morning service and I was looking forward to it with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did half of my my usual personal PC work and got dressed up because I wanted to make sure that I got there for the morning's service and I also wanted to make sure that I got there on time.I was looking forward to this after the Christmas Eve service last night because that was a wonderful service.So,I had a smile on my face and a lot to look forward to.
The service was wonderful and I really enjoyed it.There were a lot more people in the church this morning and that even made it even more wonderful.I especially enjoyed the fellowship before and after the service.It is really terrific to be among people who worship the creator in the name of his son Jesus Christ and to just be there as a whole.I am overjoyed that I am now back in church after so long and I keep asking myself why I didn't do this a long time ago after I had abandoned that religious cult that I followed for two years of my life.I had a smile on my face that wouldn't leave me and with that smile,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got some very distressing news.I went into the house and heard my mom sigh very sadly.I asked her what was wrong and she said that she wasn't feeling well.She said that she felt hot and that he head hurt on her left side.She also complained of a backache and that her legs were also hurting.She had me call my niece so she could explain the situation to her.After a few minutes,I hung the phone up and proceeded to get out of my suit and into my casual clothes.My mom laid down and I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to go too my niece's house alone with the sweet potato casserole that my mom made for the occasion.
When I got to my nieces house,we ate dinner and had some pretty good conversations after we ate.They all understood that I couldn't stay too long as my responsibilities were at home to watch over mom and see that she was looked after.I left the house with some food and I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day because it was the holiday and there was nothing else to do.
When I got home,I put the food given me in the fridge and I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
I did some more personal PC work as the day went on.Overall,a very good and eventful day despite the negative setback of my mom falling ill and not able to make it to the dinner.Still,it was a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing with the symptoms of what I struggle with mentally and emotionally.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,though I am still feeling pretty down because of that confrontation with a former aquaintance of mine that I had yesterday as to him asking me where I am at as per leaving the "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle quite a while ago,my temptation is nil at the moment.I have no cravings to act out in any way.I have no cravings to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for masturbation.I also have no urge to look at pictures of nude men or even at pornography.I guess that the feelings that I am receiving from all the positive fellowship from church is playing a role in that.I have no feelings at all at the moment and I am enjoying that.Still,despite this positive,I need to remain on guard because the temptation can come back when least expected.I need to be watchful and I need to learn to identify any triggers that may happen when least expected.Though it is nil at the moment,it can come back and I need to be watchful.If anyone out there is reading this and has anything in the form of advice or suggestions,feel free to share.I am always open to anything.Please help me fellow men out there who are reading this and who are also struggling like myself.I could use some of that right now.Please help me.Thanks to all who do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and after that was done,I headed over to a local store to pick up a couple of things for the home.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After finishing that,I left to do a few more things that needed to get done.
I simply stopped at a few of the stores to pick up several items that were needed for the home.After paying for those,I also headed for the drug store to pick up my mother's prescription and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating an early light dinner,I got dressed up and I headed over to the church for the Christmas program that they were putting on.I wanted to see this for myself.I haven't attended any Christmas programs in many years and this was to be my first one in a very long time.
The Christmas program was wonderful.I really enjoyed the program very much and had so much wonderful fellowship with those who came to watch it and there were quite a bit more people there than there ever were on Sunday's.I left and headed straight home after all of that was over and stayed home for the rest of the evening.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.After that,I got ready for bed.Overall,a very good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,struggling and dealing with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,though my temptation to act out is nil at best,I am continuing to learn that there are those who will still continue to refuse to believe in the truth about Homosexuality.They still keep saying that Homosexuals are born Homosexual and that there is nothing that can be done about it.I already know that the "born that way" theory that many try to connect with Homosexuality is a lie and that it has no scientific proof to prove the point at all.Despite the persecution and what they world is trying to do,I am still going to continue to persevere in my journey out of Homosexuality and ignore the unbelief of the rest of the world as I won't back down.I know that the rest of the world wants me to stay Homosexual,but I am going down this road and I am going to continue going down this road.This is my journey and not the worlds.I know the truth about Homosexuality and that truth has set me free.I am no longer ensnared by the trap of Homosexuality and I am happier that I don't have to act out if I really want to.I am still going to pursue this road to being the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be.I don't know when I will reach that plateau,but I know that I will be even more joyful when I do reach it.Still,I am seeking any advice or suggestions to avoid giving in to temptation in the near future.Any help would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,which will be the holiday,I will be attending the morning's church service and I am expecting to be there for a little longer than usual.As for the rest of the day when I get home,my mom and I will be going over to my nieces house for dinner.After that,I will just take it easy and relax for a while while watching a DVD or two.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive note.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did a little cleaning up around the house after breakfast.When I was done with cleaning up,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had some important stuff that I needed to get done.I first went to the post office to mail out a few things that needed to be mailed out.After that,I did some last minute shopping at one of the local stores because my mom and I forgot someone in the family and we felt guilty about forgetting this.After I was done doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local convenience store to buy something for myself.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did a little bit more personal PC work.For much of the time left,I watched a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early last night and again early this morning.I gave in by masturbating on both occasions and it was both emotional and sexual.I really felt terrible after both of these and it was a tremendous weight on me.The temptation to act out is really strong with me at this moment and I really don't know what I will do if it temptation rears it's ugliness again.I only felt bad because I know that masturbation will never get me what I really want.Masturbation will really never connect me with my lost maleness as this is the main reason why men who struggle with SSA masturbate.I know that it will never be that way at all as masturbation only creates feelings of emptyness in the same manner as acting out on these desires with another man also creates feelings of emptyness.I am really seeking help,suggestions and/or advice.If anyone can help,please do so the best way that you can.I am really desperate here and I don't know whether I am coming or going.Again,any help is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am hoping to attend the Christmas program at the church and I am hoping that it is a wonderful program indeed.I do have to do some stuff early in the day,but still,I am hoping to attend the program.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I managed to wake up in the early morning,though it was a little later than usual as a result my late taking of my medication last night as a result of the complications from last night,and bathed.After cleaning up,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee,but I did have a third later in the morning as I still felt tired,and after breakfast,I did my personal PC work.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had to attend a spirituality group this morning and I was looking forward to that.I always look forward to this group each and every week in the same manner as I always look forward to attending church on Sunday morning.I arrived there with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation.
The group was terrific.I got a lot out of it and after it was over,I headed for a local community kitchen for lunch.
After lunch,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.I ended the evening watching some holiday themed DVD's,which I wanted to do last night,but couldn't due to the "Spur of the Moment" stuff that altered my plans.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies,which I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of on a daily basis,continues to be positive.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out.I felt the temptation this morning as I was waking up from sleep.I had a hard time getting up and started to manipulate my genitals,but stopped myself from doing so.I got up and walked around tiredly in hopes of getting rid of the temptation,which I did.The temptation this morning was really strong and I almost gave in to that temptation.But after that brief walk around the house,I settled into my normal routine and it was okay.Still,I am seeking advice and suggestions from anyone out there who is reading my blog because I need to know of any new ways to resist the temptation to act out.I am open to any suggestions or advice.Thanks to anyone who shares.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I bathed as usual and after my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work after breakfast and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I stayed at home for much of the day as I was getting ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.My appointment with her was in the mid afternoon and I just wanted to be ready for it.I simply did some stuff at home while awaiting the time for me to leave for my appointment.When the time did come,I headed for the office.
While on the way there,my cell phone rang and it was my sexual abuse support counselor calling me to let me know that she had to cancel our meeting today as a result of an emergency that had just happened.We rescheduled our appointment and after I hung up,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local bargain outlet closeout store to pick up something that my mom needed for Christmas.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I was hoping to simply take it easy for a while and watch some holiday themed DVD's that I have,but one of those "spur of the moment" things happened.My oldest sister was coming in for the holiday and asked my locally living sister if she could pick her up,but she said that she couldn't because she had to get up in the morning,but insisted that I do it,which really caught me off guard.As a result of this,I had to hold off on taking my medication for a while until I had heard from my oldest sister.I waited for a little 2 and 1/2 hours when she finally rang.I went and picked her up and the traffic into getting there wasn't that bad.
When I got there,I had a hard time finding the pick up place where she was located at,but I managed to find it and after she had her stuff in the car,we headed back home and it was a pretty difficult ride as I always wanted to make sure that I was taking the right ways to get back to the home city.When we finally made it back,I dropped my oldest sister off at my other sister's house and after that,I headed straight home as I was feeling tired as my medication was starting to kick in as I took it later than I was supposed to as a result of this unexpected happening.
Overall,it was still a pretty good day despite the complications and my being forced to alter my plans.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,still dealing and struggling with that and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my unnatural desires.Today,my temptation to act out on them was really strong.I really had the urge to manipulate my genitals for the sake of getting them erect or near erect so I could masturbate until I climax.That temptation was just as strong as all the other days that they were strong.I know that acting out in any way,shape or form will never get me what I want,which is gender affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.I also know that acting out will only affirm the so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity and that is the type of affirmation that I don't want at all.I want to be affirmed as A MAN because that is what I am.I am A MAN and that is all that I am and that is the affirmation that I need and also want.Again,fellow readers,if any of you can give me any words of advice or suggestions of any sort,please share.I am open to anything positive.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be positive.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,after my early morning bath and my usual quick breakfast alongside my usual 2 cups of coffee,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I had several things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done before the holiday comes.
I first headed over to the post office as I had to mail out a couple of important things that needed to be mailed out.After doing that,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill.After doing that,I headed back to the home city to go to a local supermarket to pick up a few things for the holiday.After paying for those articles,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I unpacked all the groceries and I put them in their proper places.After doing that,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also ran one more errand before calling it a night.I also did some more personal PC work when I came home to stay for the rest of the night.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I really wasn't tempted at all.I really didn't know why.I am usually feeling tempted in the early morning hours when I wake up from my nights sleep.But today,the temptation was nil at best.I simply went through the day doing what I had set out to do and today,no feelings of temptation.Though nothing today,I have to keep in mind that tomorrow is another day and the temptation could arise again and I have to be on guard when that happens.Again,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions of any sort and if anyone who regularly reads my blog regularly wants to give that,I am open to all of it.Thanks in advance to anyone who offers.
As for tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed.I had a busy day planned for today and I wanted to make sure that everything was working out.
Before going to my groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where they had the groups.I had two of them to attend today and I was looking forward to them.
The groups went well.They went better than I expected them to.After they were finished,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did a little bit more personal PC work and after that,watched a holiday DVD or two.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with them.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am ashamed to admit that I gave into temptation early this morning.I actually masturbated and it was both sexual and emotional.I just can't seem to get the images of naked men flooding my mind off of my mind.I am wondering what am I doing wrong.This is the third consecutive time that I have given into temptation by masturbating.My desires are really getting strong.My temptation to act out on them is also strong.I don't really want to act out on my desires because I know that acting out won't get me what I want and I know that I will never really be satisfied with just one man as I will want to have it with other men as well,because that is what the so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" is all about.It is a life of never ending sexual promoscuity where the real man for any man in that life will never ever find.He will always have sex with a different man every time he turns around.That is something that I don't nor ever would want.I have had enough hurt feelings from that life and I don't want to go back to that.With the knowledge of the Homosexual condition that I have now,why would I want to go back to that life.That would be like as Proverbs 26:11 says about "a dog returning to it's own vomit. so a fool repeats his foolishness" and 2nd Peter 2:22 says repeating not only about the dog but also of "a sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud". What I am trying to say is that once a person knows the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and chooses to take in more of that truth by continuing to gain knowledge of the condition and also by reading the Holy Bible alongside it and doing what it takes to be free and no longer be enslaved by that immoral and sinful lifestyle,why would they want to go back and repeat the same old sexual thrills that led them nowhere in the first place.If a person now knowing the truth returns to that lifestyle,despite the fact that they know the truth,it would be just like it says in both those scriptures.Why would anyone want to return to that sexually immoral life that they once lived now knowing the truth?It wouldn't make sense.It would be as those scriptures pointed out.Again,I am really being tempted as of late and I really need some help.If anyone out there reads my blog regularly and can offer some suggestions,advice or anything that can be vital for my survival from the immoral and unnatural desires of the Homosexual/SSA condition,please share.I am desperate here and I really could use some advice and much needed help right now.Thanks in advance for providing anything that could benefit me.
Tomorrow,I have mail out an important letter and I also have to pay one of my credit card bills at a store out of the city.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues very positively.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
This morning,when I woke up,I bathed and I really hurried with it.I wanted to make sure that I was cleaned,dressed and ready for this morning's church service.I was looking forward to this morning's service with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
After my bath,before I got dressed,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hastily did 3/4 of my personal PC work and after that was done,I hastily got dressed up and when the time came to leave,I headed over to the church for the service.
The service was wonderful.The church is really getting ready for the arrival of Christmas and it looks like that it will be a wonderful season.These particular services are the very the first Advent and Christmas styled services that I have attended in many years and this morning,it was yet another wonderful service and the fellowship with the people before and after the service was terrific.I even met some people that I hadn't met before until this morning.I was smiling today at all of this and was once again really overwhelmed by it all.I even had a wonderful talk with the pastor and after all of the fellowship,I headed straight home.
It also felt strange going to church and helping to ring in the season of Christmas and this being the fourth Sunday of Advent,with Christmas actually being next Sunday.The last religious group that I was involved with didn't even celebrate Christmas nor observed anything having to do with the holiday season as a whole.Though it still felt strange for me,I still enjoyed this service as much as I have been enjoying every service and I will be attending next Sunday as next Sunday will be Christmas.I will be looking forward to next Sunday's service for sure.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes because I had some errands that I needed to run.Before running them,I finished my personal PC work.
When I went out to run them,I had to stop at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local restaurant to have a light lunch.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while and I also watched a couple of DVD's while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
Though my recovery from the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to be positive,I am still dealing and struggling with that on a daily basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I really felt lousy afterwards when I gave into that meaningless temptation as I know that masturbating will never give me what I want as far as needs go.I need to be affirmed by my fellow man and I need to feel the authenticity that goes with that affirmation.I want to feel like A MAN and not the opposite.I want to be A MAN that finds the opposite sex more sexually attractive as I no longer want to find men more sexually attractive.With the knowledge that I have now,why would I want to go back to that sinful sexual lifestyle that God abhors in his word the Holy Bible?God condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender in both the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible.The Holy Bible is God's own word and what it says about this type of thing is that it is wrong to engage in sexual activity between two or more members of the same gender.I want to do the right thing by resisting the temptation to engage in that sort of sexual activity,but my desires want me to do the opposite.Again,as I stated yesterday,I hate finding men more sexually attractive than women.I want to be a normal guy that finds women more attractive and really want to love a woman like a man is supposed to do in the same manner that a woman wants to love a man as God intended us humans and sexuality to be.God never intended sexuality to be used and abused the way that it is being used and abused by the vast majority of the world.He gave sexuality as a gift to be enjoyed in a healthy manner between a man and woman who really love each other and they use it as an expression of that love between the two of them.I asked before and I will ask again;If anyone out there who reads my blog regularly can give me any advice and/or suggestions on how I can resist the temptation to act by masturbation,pornography with masturbation,manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes and all the emotional stuff that goes with it,I am open to anything.Thanks in advance.
Regarding today,my temptation to act out is nil at best.I have no cravings to act out at the moment.I guess going to church this morning had a lot to do with it.I am hoping that my temptation to act out remains nil for the rest of the day.I know that I still have to be on guard because temptation can rear it's ugly head at me and really get me going again.So,I need to be on guard and watchful.Again,any advice and/or suggestions are always appreciated.Thanks again in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I need to attend.After them,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
I really didn't have too much on my agenda today.It was Saturday and it also snowed a little very early this morning as I saw that there was yet another light dusting of snow on the ground when I looked out this morning.I looked out to see if the latest free paper was delivered,which it wasn't,and so I went back to work.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I went to a local store to pick up a few things and after that,I headed straight home as I had an assignment that I had to complete for my sexual abuse support counselor,which I have an appointment with on Thursday in the mid afternoon.I wanted to get that assignment ready for her and when I was finished,I relaxed again for a while and watched a DVD.There is really nothing much to do on a Saturday in my hometown,especially when it is on the verge of winter and the weather is really cold.Then again,the politicians don't do much to ensure that there are fun things to do at all during any time of the year.Again,I just relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also watched some holiday themed DVD's after the news was over.I then did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery process from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go as positively as it can,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with the symptoms of that.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I will say that my temptation to act out on my desires is minimal at best at the moment.Last night,I wrote another fantasy story using the word program that I have and I didn't save it.I simply closed off the program and chose not to save the story for future reference.I even kept it really short,which wasn't easy for me to do.I did feel better and I do feel much better than yesterday after I fell short early in the morning and felt miserable afterwards.But today,the feelings are now different.The only other thing that happened to me was that I ran into somebody I know who is still very active in that so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" and since he knows that I left that lifestyle behind several years ago and he asked me a question that really caught me off guard when he asked me "Where is your life now since you left the "Gay" lifestyle behind?" When he asked that,I really didn't know what to say since that question has never been asked to me before by anyone.I simply told him that I couldn't talk about that at the moment as I wasn't in the mood to talk about it at all and I just didn't have the time to do so.He simply said that it was okay and we could talk about it another time when we met.We went our own ways and I went home and I really couldn't get the question off of my mind.I really can't tell him about all of the overwhelming temptation that I have been having to act out and I really can't tell him about all the masturbatory stuff that I have had been doing.The thing is that this guy is still active in that sinful lifestyle and he still believes the lie that "Homosexuals/Gays" are simply born that way and that there is nothing that can be changed about that.Again,I really don't know what I could say to him.I am also hoping that I don't run into him next week or anytime in the near and distant future.Still,despite that experience,my temptation to act out is still minimal at best and I am hoping that it stays that way.I have no craving to watch pornography nor do I have any craving to visit a website dedicated to this sinful lifestyle,which usually consists of looking at pictures of men without their clothes on and drooling over them and later,use those images as masturbatory fuel.Again,I am hoping that my temptation to act out on these unnatural and sinful desires continues to be minimal.I really like where I am at at the moment and I hope that the temptation to act out stays minimal.I know that this is also a one day at a time thing,but I am just hoping that the temptation to act out stays minimal in the near and distant future.
Tomorrow morning,I am planning to attend the morning's church service and I am looking forward to that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I dried up and shaved and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had some stuff on my agenda.
I mailed out a couple more Christmas cards today.After mailing those,I headed over to a friends house to help him unload some stuff that he needed to unload by donating them to the Salvation Army.After we did that,I dropped him off at home and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those articles,I headed over to one of mom's friend's houses to pick up something for her.After picking them up,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,continue to deal and struggle with it and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better from that in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.This time,it was both emotional and sexual.Images of naked men continued to cloud my mind and it was all feeling unbearable for me to handle.Plus,my genitals were about hard and I simply continued manipulating them.I gave into the temptation and I went all the way until I climaxed.I felt miserable and lousy after the whole thing happened.The reason why is because masturbation to any sexual fantasies with men or even for emotional reasons isn't going to get me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.There is also another reason why I do masturbate.It is because I am trying to connect with my lost maleness,which though is senseless and will never give me anything like that at all,because when I finally became an adult man,I really didn't have the sense that I was A MAN as I didn't really feel like a man.I still don't feel like A MAN as I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.After that masturbatory episode,I knew that I had to do some work.I ended my memberships with online groups that catered to such things as they were the ones that really triggered the fantasy stuff.It took me five minutes,but as of now,I am unsubscribed.It will take several days for the images to diminish,but I will be relieved when they do.Still,any form of advice or suggestions on what worked for any of you out there who regularly read my blog posts would be appreciated.I am always open to learning new positive coping skills.Thanks in advance for anything shared and/or provided.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some personal stuff planned for today and I wanted to be sure and ready for them all.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and anticipation.
The group was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local community kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished with that.I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else planned nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning.I masturbated,but this time,it was more of an emotional craving rather than sexual.I was just feeling something early in the morning and I really can't describe the feeling in words.I simply gave in to the temptation to masturbate and after it was over,I really didn't feel much better.I mean,the initial feelings were positive,but within a split second,they turned into negative feelings of regret and remorse.I will just have to stay on guard and try to watch out the next time.Masturbation will never give me what I want as the feelings afterwards are not pretty once the reality sets in.But I still need to stay on guard and try to be stronger the next time.The craving might have been emotional this time around,but next time,it could be sexual and I need to be careful what I think about and whatever comes into my mind.If anyone is reading out there,I could still use some advice.If anyone can help,please do so.Thanks.It is just that I am so sick and tired of finding men more sexually attractive than women because I no longer want to find men more sexually attractive than women.Please,nobody try to talk me into accepting this and embracing it as I don't want to because it is not what God intended for me to be as a man.God wants me to be Heterosexual and not Homosexual.God made man and woman for a reason and that alone shows that he only approves of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and not Homosexuality as far as sexual activity goes.God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world is using it and abusing it.I am really desperate here.I don't want to have anything sexual with a man,but my desires want me to.I am sick of having visions of naked men with impressive sized penises flooding my head.Again,if anyone can be of help and give me advice in this,I would very much appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.I want my fellow men to accept me as I am and I also want that gender affirmation from them and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation that I so desperately need and so desperately searching for.Again,any help,advice or suggestions are appreciated.Thanks.Only women are supposed to find men more sexually attractive in the same manner that only men are supposed to find women more sexually attractive,as we are all biologically hard-wired for male-female compatibility.It is not the other way around as sexual relations with two members of the same gender is NOT an alternative to healthy and happy sexual relations between a man and a woman as that is the way that God intended all of us humans to be and also the way he intended sexuality to be as well.He never meant for us humans to find members of our own gender more sexually attractive.The Holy Bible repeatedly states in both the Old and New Testaments that this sort of sexual activity is sinful,wrong and unacceptable.Once again,if anyone out there,especially any really true Christians who read my blog regularly,can give me any helpful advice,suggestions and anything of that sort,please share by commenting on in the comments section.Again,Thanks so much in advance for doing so.I really hate finding men more sexually attractive as this is so wrong for me to be in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I want to find women more sexually attractive.Please give any helpful advice or comments in the comments section.Thanks.
Last night,I wrote another fantasy story that was on my mind for a long time and I did feel better.For now,I am putting this type of thing on hold for a while as I don't want to use it too much as it might backfire on me later on.But again,after it was written,the fantasy was out and after closing off the program without saving it,I felt better that it was no longer a part of me anymore.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to prepare to do what I had to do for the rest of the day.
After getting dressed,I started writing out some more Christmas cards for the people that I knew around the town and a few out of town.After they were done,I put stamps on them and I mailed them out when I went out.After that,I had a few more things that I needed to do.
I had to pick up some clothes of mine from the same place where I do my laundry as a result that it is also a dry cleaning and professional cleaning place.After doing that,I headed over to a couple of other stores to pick up things that my mom wanted me to pick up.After doing that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with it.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out.But at the moment,my temptation is minimal at best.Ever since I started writing my fantasies down as short stories and then closing off the word program without saving them for future reference,my temptation to act out has been reduced.For a while,my temptation to act out was really strong,but now,it has been reduced.I even wrote out another fantasy yesterday and afterwards,read from my copy of the Holy Bible.I am now trying to keep my thoughts spiritual and hopefully,this will continue to work for me.I also have to continue to keep in mind that pornography is garbage and that in itself,which is also a form of acting out,will also never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go along with it.Still,I am looking for any advice oh how I can continue to resist temptation whenever the temptation to act out comes around.If anyone can give any ideas,suggestions or advice as to how I can resist the temptation to act out,please feel free to share.I would really appreciate anything.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things that needed to be done.
Before setting out to do those things,I had lunch of a bowl of soup and a sandwich.After lunch,I headed out to do my duties.
I first went to the post office to get some stamps and mail out some Christmas cards.After that,I proceeded to go to two local stores to pick up a few things.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after that,I went across the street to the nearby supermarket to pick one more thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,my temptation to act out is minimal.It has been since I started writing the fantasies that I have as short stories and then willfully choosing not to save them so I can simply forget them.It has done some good.I am not feeling much of the feelings anymore.I am hoping that I don't have to worry about being afraid of the temptation once it comes around.Temptation still scares me most of the time as I really hate being tempted.I am hoping that my temptation to act out does disappear someday.I guess that I have to just keep right on writing everything down and bot saving it and maybe,my cravings to act out will continue to be minimal or nil.Still,I would like any form of advice.If anyone can suggest something else that I can try,please share any suggestions.They are always appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans made.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After bathing,I dried up and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
On my way to my scheduled groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where the groups were.
Both of the groups that I attended today went great.I got a lot out of them and I really felt better after attending them.When the last group was over,I headed straight home as that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out on the unnatural desires associated with the condition are minimal at the moment.Since deciding to write down every fantasy that I have on a word program and closing it off without saving the story for anything has been reducing my temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of reaching hardness or near hardness for masturbating to fantasies as a result of my writing all of what I have fantasy-wise and then afterwards forgetting all about them.I even wrote another one last night and I did feel better as I had no desire to even think of acting out.As usual,I read a few chapters in my copy of the Holy Bible as per the recommendation of the daily devotions that I receive courtesy of the radio ministry of the church that I attend.Since this is working,I am going to keep writing these fantasies as stories and then continue closing them off without saving them until I have none.Still,any other advice and suggestions are always welcome.Thanks in advance to anyone who offers such things.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only half of my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed up to go to the morning's church service.I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.
The service was very wonderful and after the service,I had quite a bit of wonderful fellowship with the others and even had the chance to talk with people that I hadn't spoken with before.After all of this,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had myself a quick lunch of a bowl of soup with a sandwich and after eating lunch,I finished my personal PC work.After finishing,I decided to get my laundry together to go to the laundromat and get my laundry done.
On the way to the laundromat,I stopped at the local Big Lots to check out a few things.After that,I headed over to two more stores to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After picking those up,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got there,I managed to find a machine that wasn't being used and I started to do my laundry immediately.I waited for over half an hour for it to get done and after it was,I put them in the dryer to dry them.
After yet another half an hour,I took my clothes out of the dryer and folded them all.After bagging them,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor anything else to do.
When I got home,I put all my laundry away and I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to act out on these desires is minimal.Ever since that I started typing up short stories of fantasies that I have had in the past that have continued to overwhelm me negatively making the healing process difficult at the same time,I have been feeling better.It is simply a process of getting it out of your system and after that,forgetting it.I have been using an office starter program to do that and after I am finished writing it,I close off the program and I don't save the stories for printing or onto disc.After writing them,I close off the program and then forget them.Getting these fantasies out in this way has been really relieving and I am now feeling less temptation to act out.I haven't been manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting hard or near hard for masturbation nor have any images of nude men have come to cloud out my mind.I am feeling better.I am hoping that one day,I will be all fantasied out and I won't have to write anymore short stories about any of them.I know that I will still get the temptation to act out each and every day and I must work through the temptations one day at a time at best.But since this has been minimal,I can now relax and not worry.I even wrote a short story last night and it was the most sick,twisted and perverted fantasy story that I have written so far.I am feeling better now and that is good.Still,if anyone else can help with any more suggestions or advice,that would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending groups that I must attend and after that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I dried up and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.I also read a daily devotion sent to me through the church's radio ministry website and also,the scriptures from the Holy Bible they recommended that I read.
After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much to do today.It was still cold and even thought it wasn't snowing like yesterday,I only ran one errand.I simply went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things that were needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day as I had nothing else planned for the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and also watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that are accompanying it.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue on my positive road to recovery and improving in it in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,temptation is still with me.Each and every day,I am always tempted to act out on my desires.But today,the temptation to act out isn't as strong as it was yesterday.The craving to indulge in any fantasy styled stuff themed to the so called Homosexual/Gay culture was very overwhelming yesterday.Since I do have a word starter program on my computer,I decided to use it to put the fantasy to a story.Last night,I spent much of the evening typing up the fantasy story and it really took a long time to finish.It was a really long one.It included everything from the culture in the story and after I finished typing it,I simply closed off the word starter program and I didn't save the story at all.After it was closed,it was now out of my system and immediately forgotten.I read some scriptures from the Holy Bible afterwards and the temptation to act out was practically nil at best.Today,my temptation to act out is very slim and not as strong as it was yesterday.Regarding the fantasy story that I wrote and didn't save,I looked at it the same way as when someone writes an imaginary letter to forgive someone that hurt them before,but after it was written,it was crumpled up,ripped or burned so it was all forgotten.With the word starter program,I simply closed off the program after writing the story and rather than save it for printing or to a disc,I simply closed the program and didn't save it for anything.It's almost the same thing.I felt better afterwards and today,the temptation to act out is only minimal at best.I guess that I will have to do that again in the near future whenever the temptation to indulge in fantasy themed to the so called Homosexual/Gay culture gets really strong.Still,I am always open to new suggestions,ideas and advice on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out on my desires.Thanks in advance to anyone who wants to help.
Tomorrow,I am planning to attend the morning's church service.In the afternoon,I am hoping to get around to doing my laundry.I will probably simply relax for the rest of the day onward.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed as usual.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
Today was a pretty good,if hectic,day.Overnight,we received a dusting of snow,when we were supposed to receive some lake effect styled snow in the form of a storm.But again,we only got a light dusting.I still had some stuff to do and I couldn't let the weather stop me.
I had only one place to go.I went over to a local supermarket to pick up several things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home as a result of the snow and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good,if hectic,day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside it.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I am still being tempted to act out day after day.I had a close call this morning when I was manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard so I could masturbate.Images of naked men with erections were also clouding my mind and that gave me the motivation to do that.But I managed to stop myself.Still,the temptation is as fresh as it was this morning when I woke up.I really need to take sexual activity with other men off of my mind.I don't want to think about it anymore nor do I want to search for a male partner for the purpose of acting out physically.None of that will get me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity as well as the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Sexual activity with another men and masturbating to nude men images,alongside the viewing of pornography while masturbating,will only make me feel empty inside as the temporary fulfillment of these will only fade away after a while.If anyone can give me any ideas,advice or suggestions on how I can rid my mind of sex with other men,I am open to any of that.Thanks.
As for the weekend,I haven't really made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be positive.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend and I just wanted to get to that and be done with it.
The group went better than expected.After the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make a couple of stops.I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick a couple boxes of Christmas cards.After that,I headed over to the nearby local supermarket within the plaza to pick up yet one more thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put everything away and after that,I had myself a quick lunch before taking it easy for the rest of the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with bipolar depression and it's accompanying symptoms alongside the schizophrenic tendencies that I have with this.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my desires.I know that I do have a choice whether to act out or not.I have chosen to not act out as it is the right thing to do in the eyes of God through his son Jesus Christ.The only problem is that my desires want me to do what is wrong,which is to indulge in sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am not going to do that,even though it isn't easy to make that choice or endure while the desires are at their strongest.Though I did give in 2 nights ago,I didn't give in last night,though the temptation is still strong.I do have the urge to try and manipulate my genitals into hardness or near hardness,but right now,I have chosen not to do that,though it isn't easy putting up with all of that.Still,I am looking for some help and encouragement.If anyone can give me any advice in how I can resist any temptation to act out,I would like any advice or suggestions as they are always welcomed.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I had quite a bit on my agenda today and I wanted to get everything done.
Firstly,I paid my DirecTV bill over the phone.After that,I headed over to the post office to buy money orders and to mail out the bill payments.After that was done,I headed over to my insurance agent to pay my car insurance.After that was done,I headed over to the local Sears to pay my credit card bill.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside it.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on a daily basis.Last night,I did masturbate to images of naked men flooding my mind.I did feel miserable as a result of that and the misery stuck with me for much of the day.I really don't want to masturbate and I really don't want these images of naked men flooding my mind anymore.I want to let them fade into a memory that I want to forget.I don't want to have these images flood my mind anymore and I no longer want to masturbate.I want to do the right thing by not acting out with another man and also,not to masturbate to these images nor even masturbating to pornography.I want to stop this stuff and again,if anyone has any ideas or advice on how I can do so,please share.Any advice or suggestions is always appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a few things on my agenda today.After eating lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for dinner.After paying for those items,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up another thing.After paying for that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some much needed money that my mom wanted me to withdraw for her.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I unpacked all the groceries and put them in their proper places.I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside it.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to act out is just as strong as it has been.I am still being tempted to act out on my desires on a day to day basis.I haven't sought any male partners to act out with,but I am still having visions of naked men cloud my mind and I am still manipulating my genitals to attain hardness or near hardness for the purpose of masturbating to those images.The images still continue to cloud my mind.The thing is that I don't want to act out,but my desires want me to.I want to do the right thing that God expects me to do,but my desires want me to do wrong in God's eyes.The temptation is really strong and I don't want to give in.Again,as I have asked before,if anyone can help me out with any helpful advice on how I can gain strength to resist the temptation to act out,please share.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a couple of groups that I needed to attend.The first was a recovery group where we all sit and talk about our goals and plans for recovery and after that,I had a work skills group that I also needed to attend,in which we talk about learning new skills,improving current skills and also,how to get along with others in the work place.
The groups both went well.I did get a lot out of them.After the groups,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to pay a bill and to withdraw some money for myself.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of Bipolar Depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my desires.This morning,I was also tempted to do so.I had the temptation to again manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard and to masturbate once that happened.But I managed to stop myself from that.There was also some fantasy involved as well.I do have to say that we men who struggle with SSA really have it tough.We are always tempted to act out on our unnatural desires and though we know that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is sinful and wrong,we are always in the middle of it all.We are tempted to act out but we also want to do the right thing by resisting the temptation.That is where we are stuck in the middle.By comparison,it is easier to give into the temptation than it is to resist.Resistance is very difficult and we always have to put up with the fact that when we choose to resist,the temptation to act out gets stronger.The best thing is that we all have a choice in this matter.We can choose to act out or we can choose not to act out.But fellow readers,I am still looking for helpful advice.If anyone out there can help me with any advice or suggestions,please do so.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have only thing on my agenda.I have to drop off something at the local city hall and after that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did only a fraction of my personal PC work because I was planning to go to this morning's church service.After I was done with the computer,I got dressed up and headed over to the church for the morning's service.
The service was wonderful.I got a lot out of it and the fellowship before and after the service was as wonderful as the service itself.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had a light lunch of a bowl of soup and after lunch,I finished up my personal PC work.
After the computer,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up several things that were needed for dinner tonight.After paying for all of those items,I headed straight home as that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the stuff away and after that,I simply watched a DVD while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues on a positive road,I am still dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies and the symptoms alongside it.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I fell short early this morning.I masturbated to images of nude men with erections.I simply manipulated my genitals to hardness and masturbated until orgasm and ejaculation.I felt miserable afterwards as I really didn't know what to make of this failure.I felt like that I had failed God and his son Jesus Christ.I so desperately want to heal from unwanted SSA and I do want to become the man that God wants me to be.I don't want to masturbate anymore and I am tired of those nude men images clouding my mind.If anyone out there can help me beat these habits,please do so.Any advice or suggestions are appreciated.I did feel a little bit better once I attended the morning's church service,but the failure until then was a big weight on me.If anyone out there can offer any helpful suggestions,I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I will be attending in the early afternoon.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go as positive as ever.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up earlier than usual and bathed.After my bath,I quickly did some personal PC work and got dressed.I had an important Men's Network meeting that I needed to attend as there was going to be an important presentation and I couldn't bare to miss it.
The meeting was wonderful.I gained more than I expected from it.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to drop a couple of important letters in the mail for my mom.After that,I stopped at an auto parts store to pick up some windshield washer fluid as I had run out of it in my washer fluid reservoir.After buying it and filling it up,I headed for the gas station next door to get some gas.Last but not least,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a bowl of soup for lunch and I relaxed for a spell.I also did some more personal PC work that I couldn't do this morning as a result of the meeting that I needed to attend.After my work was done,I did the dishes and popped a DVD is the DVD player when I was done with that and I relaxed and enjoyed the DVD.
After a while,I went back out to pick up something that a friend of the family was holding for my mom.After picking that up,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I once again took it easy and I watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I actually gave into temptation early this morning.Yes I did.I admit it.I actually masturbated early this morning.I was simply manipulating my genitals to near hardness and until the orgasmic feeling approached.Yes,my mind was also flooded with images of naked men with erections asking me for to perform oral sex on them and me agreeing while talking to myself.I really felt miserable as a result of that relapse.I was working on never doing this again,but wound up giving into temptation anyway.As all of you can see,I am still always tempted to act out in some capacity one way or another,other than finding an actual male partner to act out my desires with.The latter is what I really don't want to do because acting out in that way isn't going to get me the fulfillment that I so desperately need in the same manner that pornography,fantasy and masturbation also won't get the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am still seeking advice from any man out there who has been a success in overcoming Homosexuality/SSA and what has worked for them and share that with me.I don't want to act out anymore on these unnatural desires as it is unnatural to find members of one's own gender more sexually attractive rather than members of the opposite gender.I want to be the man that God wants me to be and I am still determined to be that.I know that God doesn't want me to be Homosexual.God wants me to be Heterosexual all the way as God had intended us humans on Earth to be,which is Heterosexual.I want that so bad.I will try anything to be that.Yes I will.Again,any advice would be helpful.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service.After that,I have no other plans set.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and planes for the day ahead.FJ