Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up and bathed early this morning.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work and after getting dressed,I proceeded to get on with my day.
I had only a few things planned for today.I had a spirituality group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I went there and was looking forward to a wonderful meeting.
The meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to grab a lunch.After eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out in the early morning hours while still in bed.This time,the temptation wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days.I had a near morning erection and it was just a tad stiff,but stiff enough to wake me up.I once again fought the temptation by tossing and turning until my penis started to soften and I drifted back into sleep.I slept for a little over an hour before having to get up.Today,in the early morning,I was fortunate that the temptation to act out by masturbating wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days,but that temptation to act out in that way can be strong tomorrow and the day after that and so on.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one.It is a very difficult struggle.When anyone,like myself,struggles with SSA,the temptation to act out on the desires are stronger than the strength to resist the aforementioned temptation.To put it succinctly,it is easier to act out than it is to resist.But I still need to keep myself together and to continue fighting these unnatural desires and responses.Today,the temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.But I have to keep on guard and watch myself in the near and distant future.Why?Because the temptation to act can really get stronger tomorrow or any other day and I do need to stay on guard and watch out for any cravings or desires to act out by either watching Homosexual themed porn or by masturbating whenever an early morning erection is really making the temptation strong.Regarding myself when it comes to masturbation,most of the time it's emotional,but there are times when it can be sexual and there are also times when it is both emotional and sexual.Still,masturbation in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and that is affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that comes with that gender identity affirmation.Masturbation in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and the sexual activity related to it as masturbation,in itself,is a form of acting out no matter if it's emotional,sexual or both.Again,I am still looking for any advice or suggestion on how I can continue the resistance to the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires because the way that I am currently using could fail me.I am always looking for new suggestions or advice.If anyone that reads my blog regularly can help,please share anything that you may have.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ