Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After doing that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I only had a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that were needed for the house.After that,I headed over to another local store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player to watch.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted early this morning when I had another morning erection.It also was a throbbing one.I simply tosses and turned to resist the temptation to masturbate it away and my penis softened.I slept for a little bit longer.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have any more temptation to act out nor masturbate.While that was good,I still need to keep on guard and be watchful because temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I know that it isn't a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into the temptation.I just have to stay strong and hope for the best to happen and I hope that it does continue to work out in the long run.
Tomorrow morning,I am planning to attend the morning's church service,alongside the Holy Bible study class that is an hour and a half before the service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things that I needed to do.I first went to see the therapist at the local hospital to talk with her about some things that I couldn't talk about in the group that I attended during the first Monday of this month.I was looking forward to this session as I hadn't had a talk with a therapist in quite a while since the last talk I had with my last therapist.
The session went well.I talked with her for almost half an hour and after the session was over,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to mail out a couple of important letters that my mom wanted me to mail out.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my mom's prescription.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted again early this morning.I had yet another enormous erection and it woke me up out of a deep sleep.The erection was also one of those throbbing ones and it throbbed like it might have exploded at any minute.I simply did what I had to do to fight the temptation to masturbate it away.I tossed and I turned until the erection died down.After my penis softened,I went back to sleep for another few hours.I know that it isn't a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into that temptation.The only good thing was that for the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.I did escape one temptation that was early this morning,but I know that there will be more in the near and distant future.Not that I am waiting for them to happen,I am just trying to be on guard and be watchful as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Still,I know that temptation in itself isn't sinful as each and every one of us does get tempted.But I have to keep in mind that giving into temptation,especially when it is giving into sinful sexual activity,is sinful.It is a sin to act out on sexual activity that is sinful.I have to continually keep all of that in mind and I know that I will be okay.I just have to stay strong and ask for strength when I need it.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I wanted to,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the spirituality group that I needed to attend today.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.I did get a lot out of it and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to have my lunch.After lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,before relaxing,I decided to give the bathtub in the bathroom a thorough cleaning job as it really needed it.After cleaning the tub,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I watched a movie while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out was really strong early this morning as I had a morning erection that also throbbed.I simply resisted the temptation the way that I always do by tossing and turning until the erection died down.I slept for a little while longer until I got up to do what I had to do.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I had really no temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.Still,I need to keep on guard and be watchful because the temptation to act out can strengthen again in the near future.I will just have to learn new ways of dealing with the temptation when it comes around.The temptation to act out can reemerge when least expected.While I did escape it this time,I have to be prepared for when it happens again.I am hoping to stay strong and I am hoping that I can still continue to battle this dreaded demon known as SSA.I know that I can do it and I will continue fighting that demon.I am determined to win and I won't ever surrender to that demon.I will keep resisting that demon and I will continue to stay strong.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the therapist over at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
After the last two days of stressful stuff,such as the grueling medical tests that I had to endure,I was glad to finally take it easy and do some essential things without worry.I only did a few things today.I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I headed over to a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed over to a local video store to pick up a DVD.After all of that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I am still being tempted,but today,they were minimal if nil at best.I really had no temptation to act out on my desires nor any urges to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.While that was good,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out will get strong again when least expected.I still have to be on guard and watchful.One day I may not be tempted,but the next day might be different.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on my desires in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I have disowned and I am trying to change about myself.The only thing that I have accepted about myself,though it wasn't an easy thing to do,is that I am a male and that I am a member of the male sex.I am also a man.That is all that I am accepting about myself as I will accept nothing else other than that.I also have to keep reminding myself of that each and every day,especially when the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form rears it's ugly head.I also have to keep reminding myself that I am biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female and that sexuality was meant by God to be the way that he intended to be as God created man and woman for a reason.God never intended sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us is using and abusing it.Again,I still need to continuously keep these things in mind each and every day as I know that sexual relationships and sexual activity with members of my own gender is not only sinful,wrong and inappropriate in the eyes of God,but will never give me what I really yearn for,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Each and every day is it's own struggle and I need to keep reminding myself daily on what is right and what is wrong in the eyes of God.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I am looking forward to attending.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good,but a little bit stressful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed as usual.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had a big day planned and though I really wasn't looking forward to the events of the day,I still had to do these all for my own personal health.
I had two appointments today.There were both very important medical ones.As a result of that,I couldn't have anything to eat for lunch for four hours as I was preparing for my cat scan of my head to see what could be causing the headaches that I get on occasion.I also had an EKG planned a half an hour before the cat scan.Fortunately,they were both in the same building as I really didn't have to go very far to get them both done.I simply arrived at the area of the local hospital where I had to get them done ten minutes early and I waited.
Both the EKG and cat scan went smoothly.Since I requested that I get the info about it via regular postal mail,they said that I should receive the results in a few weeks.I headed for home the minute that both were done.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby fast food restaurant to get a small burger and a small fries to eat to tie me over until dinner.This was my late lunch as I was very hungry due to the four hour fasting that I had to do to get the cat scan on my head done.After eating that quick lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.I also watched a few classic TV show reruns on TV.Overall,a pretty good,though a little stressful,day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving again in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had only a minor urge to act out this morning.I was still tired after finally getting up.I had an urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes and though I succeeded in getting my genitals hard,I had to stop when I was almost on the verge of a climax.As stated,I was still feeling tired after finally getting up and that is what caused to urge.Though minor,it was still an urge.But I managed to stop myself from doing that,though I was tired.I simply took my bath and after that,my temptation and urge to act out was minimal if nil at best.I guess that I have so much energy in me and I know that I need to use that energy for constructive purposes rather than destructive.I also need to learn how to use the energy constructively.I am going to do an online search to see if I can find any articles on how to use my energy constructively.I am hoping that I will succeed in finding some articles.If I do,I will print them when I get the chance and read them during my spare time.I need to learn how to use my energy constructively and how I can also use it to benefit myself and others in a positive and constructive sense.I know that it will be a while,but something tells me that I can find them and I won't stop until I do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good and eventful,though a little stressful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was later than usual,and bathed.After my bath,I got dressed as I couldn't eat early this morning as I had to go to the local hospital for some blood work and other medical tests.
When I arrived at the hospital,I took a number and I sat down,but was called immediately.After signing in,I went to another office to make a couple of necessary appointments to get a cat scan done on my head to check out my brain to see what could be causing headaches that I get when least expected.I also have to have a EKG done to test out my heart rhythm and all.The appointments will be tomorrow and after that,I headed over to the waiting room to get the blood work and other tests done.
It only took a few minutes,but once it was all completed,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got ready to go to my Monday afternoon groups.
The group meetings went well.I did get a lot out of them.After the meetings were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the public library to do some printing and after that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple o things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the say.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful,though a little stressful,day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues onward in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I really didn't have any temptations,nor cravings or urges,to act out.My temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have any temptation to do anything related to Homosexuality.I had no urge to masturbate nor urge to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.Though I had none of that today,I still need to keep on guard and be watchful as temptation can rear it's ugly little head at me when least expected.I am not waiting for it.I am just saying that it will happen and I have to be on guard and be watchful.I know that we all get tempted,but when the temptation happens,I have to fight that and stay clean.I also still have to keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I want either.I also have to keep in mind that pornography will also never give me what I want.I just have to stay on guard and be watchful as temptation can hit when least expected.
Tomorrow,I have the aforementioned appointments at the local hospital tomorrow.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I have a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.I really hurried as I was planning to go to the morning's church and attend the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the service.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up and after a few minutes of warming up my car,I headed over to the church.
The service was once again wonderful.The pastor gave a sermon about human relationships and their place in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ and also,in regards to the membership of the church.It was yet again another worship service and also,the Holy Bible study class was also a great thing today as well.After the service,I had some wonderful fellowship after the service and even before it,there was some wonderful fellowship.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up some stuff that was needed for the home.After paying for all that stuff,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I did my personal PC work afterwards and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After the movie,I headed back out to get some coffee as I had remembered when I got home that I forgot to buy it at the Dollar Tree store.After paying for the coffee,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped another DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues onward and I am hoping that it does indeed go back to being positive really soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I once again had the temptation to masturbate early this morning as I had another morning erection that woke me up out of a deep sleep and was also throbbing.I simply did what I always do when that happens.I simply tossed and turned repeatedly until my penis softened.After that,I slept a little while longer until it was time for me to wake up.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I escaped a painful temptation early this morning,but I know that it can happen again.It wasn't easy resisting that temptation to act out by masturbating that erection away.But I had to keep fighting it until it died.I know that masturbation will never connect me to my lost maleness nor will it connect me to anything having to do with men and masculinity.I just have to keep fighting the urge every time that it comes around.Again,I am happier knowing that I do have a choice whether or not to act out.I can choose not to act out,though the resistance to the temptation to act out can be difficult to resist and I may have to put up with pain and tension in that resistance.But again,I know that I am pleasing God by my resistance.I will just have to keep fighting that urge every time that it comes around.I know that it won't be an easy thing to fight,but I am determined not to weaken.I have to stay strong and hang in there.Thanks to all for your support.
As for tomorrow,I have a recovery group and a work skills group and I need to attend both of them.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ