Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I had some stuff that needed to get done.I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had to go out and do some running.
Originally,I was planning to stay home and hang out as a result of getting some snow and a Lake Effect Snow Advisory for my area.Since we didn't the snow that we were supposed to get overnight and today,I headed out to do some errand running.
I first went to my niece's house to drop off a couple of things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things.I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up another thing.After paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up two more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bot of TV and after that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia,which is each and every day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day today,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.The struggle of this psychiatric double whammy is very complicated in and of itself.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to endure the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia,which consists mostly of hearing things,such as voices and sounds,that other people can't hear,but only I can.At times,the voices call my name or I hear footsteps and when I turn around,there is nobody there.It does make me feel perplexed and confused.The struggle can also be draining emotionally and energy-wise.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with and endure the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA struggle.I know that the sexual desires are symbolic of the deeper emotional needs that I have as a male as every male has the same emotional needs.The thing is that I need to get them fulfilled authentically because sexual activity is not the answer to getting them fulfilled.The thing with the "Homosexual/Gay" persuasion is that those needs are sexual and that it is only love that you're getting with the sexual aspect of it.This happens to be a lie as all other statements that they make as excuses to justify their actions are lies.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I just want to get my needs fulfilled authentically and work to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father through his sacred word the Holy Bible.Today,in regards to temptations,I escaped today as I kept busy by staying out and about and keeping my mind on other things.Still,as usual,I am asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both of these things daily and weekly.They both help in a lot of ways.It shows that I am not alone in the SSA struggle and also,they also help keep me going.They also help to keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and was about to start cleaning up around the house when my next door neighbor called saying she wanted me to come along with her to the local animal hospital because her cat was hurting again and it was the same thing that was last week.I went with her to the animal hospital and they put a bandage on her cats paw and leg and we headed straight home.
When we got home,I relaxed for a bit and I went upstairs to get that cleaning work done.I only got some of it done as I need more garbage bags to put some more garbage in as I do have a lot of garbage to throw away.I am hoping to get some more by next week after the Thanksgiving holiday.It will take me some time,but I will get the place cleaned and it will be worth sleeping in when it is.After that,I went to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I watched an episode of a classic TV show on DVD.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia.It is a very difficult struggle in itself and it never gets any easier.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate from time to time.I never know how they will be.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I have is nothing to sneeze at.It is very tough to struggle with.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.My therapy for this psychiatric double whammy is ongoing and I will be seeing the nurse practitioner on Monday afternoon.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.Today,I actually gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.Fortunately,I was able to stop before it went too far and asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard as I was sorry for what I did.I did feel better after praying and I moved on with the rest of the day.Fortunately,that was the only occurrence today in regards to temptations linked to my struggles with SSA.The SSA struggle is also a very difficult one in itself.The battle to fight and resist the temptations to act out on the unnatural desires that I have that are connected to SSA is a really tough battle.I am always fighting these desires that I have.It isn't easy,but I know that the battle can be won with the right stuff.I am gradually starting to make frequent prayers a part of my daily life.I need to if I want to overcome this terrible SSA.Little by little,I am starting to do this.The thing is that I don't want these unnatural desires that I have own me.I have to tell these desires that I own them and not the other way around.I now know that I do have to get my Heavenly Father involved more.I am going to continue working on making prayer a part of my life.While I am working on that,I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave some words of positive encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed quickly and I headed over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished eating,I headed over to my case-worker's office to sign some papers.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get a little bit of gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a warm sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.When that was done,I got dressed to prepare for my evening Holy Bible study group,which also was wonderful.I headed for a local supermarket to pick something up.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into some night clothes to get ready for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and that,in itself,is a very difficult struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.At times,I can be up and feeling good.Other times,I can be down and feeling not so good.That is how it is when one has BPD.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have Schizophrenia and with that,I have hallucinatory affects.I hear things that other people can't hear and at times,people get the wrong idea of people who suffer and struggle with this.They always accuse you of being on drugs,such as marijuana,cocaine or worse than those,LSD/Acid or that you are a heavy drinker of alcoholic beverages.One minute,I can hear a voice call my name and there is nobody there.Another minute,I hear footsteps and when I look around,there is nobody there.When I continue on,these things come back and I am back at square one by turning around again and seeing nobody.It makes me feel confused and baffled at times.This psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.At times,I get tempted to act out on the unnatural desires that I have and those temptations can be very overwhelming at times.I am in therapy for the psychiatric double whammy that I have,but when in that particular therapy,I leave out my SSA struggles as mental health therapy is so one sided when it comes to the struggle with SSA.Those in the mental health profession preach that everyone who has unnatural sexual desires and feelings for members of their own gender should simply act out on them and not feel guilty about doing so.The thing is that my Heavenly Father,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of thing.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,including those who live in the world,and the universe,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.The Holy Bible states that such activity is unclean,impure,unnatural,inappropriate,obscene and just plain wrong.The Holy Bible also says that those who indulge in that type of practice will not inherit his kingdom.I was tempted to act out today,but I was out of the house pretty much today and being out of the house took my mind off of the unnatural sexual desires that I have.It also helped lessen the temptations.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me.I also ask that y'all please leave me some encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.I need them both each and every day.They both help keep me going.They also help keep me strong in my determination and motivation.Thanks to y'all in advance for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is going to rain all day,I am thinking of simply staying home and catching up on some much needed house cleaning.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.I first went to the local hospital to pick up another application.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with is difficult in itself.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.This morning,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and I wound up ejaculating.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.I really felt miserable for giving into this temptation.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I was tempted throughout the day to do it again,but I stayed outside and kept busy.I keep planning on making frequent prayer a part of my day,but I keep forgetting.I have to really buckle down and make frequent prayer throughout the day a habit.Lately,I have been praying mostly for forgiveness of my sins when I fall short in my efforts to overcome SSA and everything connected with it.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are terrible and disgusting.I know that they represent the deeper emotional needs that I have,which are the same needs as every guy has.The thing is that I am trying,but so far,I am still all alone.I am going to groups,such as Holy Bible study groups and I have also hooked up with an addictions group,though the group is on hold since two weeks ago as a result of the group leader being sick and under the weather.I am hoping that he gets better soon and the groups will start again.Again,I need to buckle down and make frequent prayer a part of my day and my life.I have been neglecting to do that and I am going to have to start doing that.Again,I have been neglecting that and I have to really be tough on myself and start doing that.While I am working on that,I am again asking that you all continue to pray for me and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section as I need both prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help in many ways.Yes,they do.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two study groups and picking up another job application,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Before I did what I had to do,I had a talk with my job placement counselor and we are to meet next week and the Dept. of Labor in my hometown to see about looking up other jobs and see if at least one job or more interests me.After we talked on the phone,I set about my day and I also had a visit with my case worker and the session with her went well.After she left,I left the house to run a few errands that I had to run.
I went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed and after that,I headed over to the local Salvation Army thrift store to look around and when I was done with that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my medication.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I started to prepare my evening meal.While that was being done,I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and I watched a little TV.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate pretty much daily,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I never know how I will be emotionally or mood-wise.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still in therapy,for which I have a session next Monday and not next Tuesday like I initially thought.I am also still taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that I struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.My SSA struggles are more difficult as a result of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.I am always tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations can be very overwhelming.They can be anything from being tempted to look at porn or manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind or the worst temptation,which is going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.Whenever temptation does come,I pray to my Heavenly Father and I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations.I ask for strength constantly.I do feel much stronger after that.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that all of you please continue praying for me.I also ask for some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help me keep going and to keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for those things.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and as a result of the area that I live in being under a high wind warning and advisory,I stayed home and decided to catch up on some much needed work around the house.
It took me several hours,but I managed to get the work that needed to get done accomplished.After that,I relaxed and did a little bit of reading.
After eating,I decided to pop a movie into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,i am feeling a little down due to the weather that we were having today.It was windy,cold and rainy.There is nothing to do in my hometown when the weather pattern is like that.It is boring and the only thing to do is to simply stay home and just try to get through the day the best that I can.Today,I simply decided to do some much needed work around the house and I feel a little bit better that I did that.Still,it would have been well if the weather wasn't the way that it was today.Right now,the addictions group that I go to weekly is now on hold while the group leader is sick and is hoping to get well soon so the group meetings will resume soon.I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner next Tuesday at the local hospital and that will take care of my therapy for this year alongside the session that I have with my therapist soon after.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and that struggle is difficult in itself.My BPD/Schizophrenia struggle makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.Today,though I gave the struggle to my Heavenly Father and let him handle it,I was still tempted to indulge in sinful sexual stuff,such as looking at pornography,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect to sexual images of men and also,I was tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I stayed home today rather than go out and feed that particular temptation.The temptations get even more overwhelming each time they come around.When you get through a day without giving into these temptations,there is always the next day and the more resistance that I put up,the more stronger and overwhelming the temptations get.I understand that being tempted and enduring temptation isn't sinful,but it is a sin to give into temptation.I asked my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible and overwhelming urges.I asked him for that strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ because I really needed and wanted to be strong to fight these terrible temptations.I did feel better and much stronger after that.I am again asking that y'all who repeatedly follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time at the moment.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They can do a lot more than you think.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to pick my father up for church.He called me as I was getting out of bed and left a message on the voice-mail and before I jumped into the shower,he called again and I said that I would be on my way soon.I picked him up and we headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,my father and I headed straight home.
After dropping off my father,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I quickly got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.I fixed myself a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.After eating them,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed into casual clothes and I went to see a movie at the local bargain cinema.
I enjoyed the movie and after picking up a couple of things at a local supermarket,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I put the stuff that I bought away.I also heated up a light dinner in the microwave and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.While I am still doing those latter things,which do help,I still go through the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster ride.I also still go through hallucinations where I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name or hearing footsteps and other sorts of sounds.It is a very difficult struggle that I go through in regards to the psychiatric double whammy that I have.Last night,while sitting in a chair,I prayed to my Heavenly Father.I prayed by handing my SSA struggle over to him.In the name of his son Jesus Christ,I asked him to help me feel whole and to make me whole.I also asked him to help me in my healing from this terrible emotional condition.I also asked him to help me become the man that he intended and wants me to be.I prayed to my Heavenly Father concerning these things for a little over ten minutes and after I was finished,I felt really good.It also made me feel better.Before I turned in for the evening,I did ask my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Today,though I was tempted to masturbate an erection during the wee early morning hours,it wasn't that bad.I simply started to get out of bed and that made the erection soften.I spent most of the day outside of home and that was great.I am again asking that my fellow blog followers please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.I still need both prayerful and positive verbal support.I need both of these things.Please do both of these things for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ