Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.I first went to the local hospital to pick up another application.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with is difficult in itself.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.This morning,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and I wound up ejaculating.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.I really felt miserable for giving into this temptation.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I was tempted throughout the day to do it again,but I stayed outside and kept busy.I keep planning on making frequent prayer a part of my day,but I keep forgetting.I have to really buckle down and make frequent prayer throughout the day a habit.Lately,I have been praying mostly for forgiveness of my sins when I fall short in my efforts to overcome SSA and everything connected with it.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are terrible and disgusting.I know that they represent the deeper emotional needs that I have,which are the same needs as every guy has.The thing is that I am trying,but so far,I am still all alone.I am going to groups,such as Holy Bible study groups and I have also hooked up with an addictions group,though the group is on hold since two weeks ago as a result of the group leader being sick and under the weather.I am hoping that he gets better soon and the groups will start again.Again,I need to buckle down and make frequent prayer a part of my day and my life.I have been neglecting to do that and I am going to have to start doing that.Again,I have been neglecting that and I have to really be tough on myself and start doing that.While I am working on that,I am again asking that you all continue to pray for me and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section as I need both prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help in many ways.Yes,they do.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two study groups and picking up another job application,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ