Tonight,my road to recovery continues to press on,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the early morning and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed to proceed with the rest of the morning as I had an important meeting that I needed to attend,which was my monthly Men's Network meeting.
The meeting was a wonderful one indeed.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a Salvation Army thrift store in the area and I managed to find some great stuff.After I was done shopping there,I headed over to a library in the area and registered some dollar bills at the Where's George site and after I was done with much of my PC work,I headed back into my hometown and headed over to the local Salvation Army thrift store in my hometown to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those items.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a couple of movies in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some reading from the Holy Bible and also,a study book that is connected with the church that I worship in.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
In my recovery,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression and it is very difficult to deal with them.One minute I can be up while the next minute I can be down.It is a constant emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from the bipolar depression symptoms,I am also struggling with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is never an easy road to be on.It is always going to be a very difficult one indeed.I will just have to continue with my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am just hoping that my recovery starts improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate an erection away when I was awakened by one.It was also another throbbing one as well.I really had to fight temptation to masturbate this erection away.I really tossed and turned repeatedly until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I know that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to have sexual activity with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to hang in there and keep fighting the urges when they come.I don't want to give in because masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and disown.I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore and I don't want to act out in any way,shape or form.I am trying to put some advice to heart that a follower gave me,but I am still open to any other ideas or suggestions.Anything is always appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow morning,I am hoping to attend the morning's church service and it's accompanying Holy Bible study class before the service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on,though still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have to much to do today.I simply went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home and after I paid for them,I simply headed back home.
When I got back home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
On my road to recovery,I am learning that it is never easy to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression.I never know if I am going to be up one day or down the next.It is simply an emotional roller coaster ride where anyone who struggles with this doesn't know what the days affects are going to be.Aside from dealing with bipolar depression,I also have to deal with schizophrenic tendencies as well.With these tendencies,I hear things that other people can't hear,which includes sounds,voices or anything else connected with hearing things that nobody else hears.It is a rough road and a very difficult experience dealing with one mental illness and also,to deal with tendencies from another disorder and all.It is extremely difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.This also was another throbbing one and I really had to fight to resist this temptation.It wasn't easy,but I managed to get through this episode when the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I know that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep fighting these urges whenever they come up,though the fight is always a difficult one.I will just have to keep up the fight to resist this temptation every time that it comes around.Though I did get a suggestion from another follower and it is a good one and i am trying to put it into practice,I am still open to any other suggestions from others as to what worked for them.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with he remainder of the day as I had a few things on my agenda.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group.I was looking forward to this with a lot positive anticipation and enthusiasm as I usually do.I headed over there and went right into it.
The group was wonderful.After the meeting,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that were needed for dinner.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
In my recovery,I am learning day in and day out that it is never easy.The struggle with bipolar depression is never an easy one.Anyone that has this mental disorder has to put up with up and down periods emotionally and it is always unpredictable.One day a person can be up and the next day,the person can be down.Like a lot of those who have this,I have to put up with this emotional roller coaster ride.What makes it even harder is that I have schizophrenic tendencies alongside bipolar depression.I also have to try and stay in the right frame of mind and try to keep a firm grasp on reality,though it is also never easy.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to take my medication as directed.I hope that my recovery starts improving in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I had to really fight this temptation as I didn't want to give into it like I did twice over the last two days.I had to really hold my own as it was a really overwhelming urge to simply grab my genitals and masturbate until climax.But again,I fought it until the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to have sex with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep on fighting the urges and start finding out what leads me to masturbate and see if I can stop it before it grows.I hope that I can contain this habit for good.I did get some advice from a follower and I am going to give it a try.I am still open to other ideas or suggestions.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things on my agenda today.
I first had to go to the garage to see why the fan in my car wasn't working the way that it should.My fan will only work if it is on the number 4 and won't work on numbers 1-3.I had to get this checked out and see what had to be done.I wanted the fan to work properly again.
It was only a minor thing and after it was finished,I paid for the work and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery in the process of struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies is not a very easy one.I have to deal with an emotional roller coaster ride where one minute I am up and the next minute I am down.It is very difficult and when you also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression,it makes it even more difficult.I will just have to keep holding on and hoping that my recovery improves in the near and distant future.I also have to continue my therapy sessions and also continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that someday soon,my recovery will start to improve again and I will feel better about myself.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I gave into temptation late last night and early this morning when I masturbated.Yes,I masturbated twice.I gave in late last night and wee early this morning.I really felt bad after these current falls and it made me feel miserable.I was doing pretty good for a while until late last night and early this morning.I don't know what led me to fall two times.In the near future,I have to keep working harder on resisting the temptation to masturbate in any way,shape or form as well as resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.It is just that masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and will keep me even further away from getting what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to act out with will also never give me what I want,either.Again,I am still open to any suggestions or ideas as to how I can do so.Thanks in advance for any encouragement.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery is still going,though it isn't an easy road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of small things planned for today.
The first thing on my agenda was that I had to drop something off at one of my mom's friends houses.After that was finished,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
On my road to recovery from the mental illness that I struggle with and deal with on a daily basis,I am still learning that it is a very difficult road to be on.People with bipolar depression,like myself,don't know what their mood will be up or down.The moods keep changing or at times,they stay the way they are for a period of time.It is unpredictable,though I wish at times that I can pinpoint when it might and/or will happen.Aside from bipolar depression,I do have schizophrenic tendencies alongside it,which makes it even more difficult.I just hang in there and I hope for the best.The only other thing that I can do is still attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I hope that one day or someday soon,my recovery will start to improve and I can feel better about myself.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep.It was a really hard one this time and I really had to fight aggressively to resist the temptation to masturbate it away.I had to really toss and turn until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I have to continue to keep fighting to resist the temptation to masturbate erections away when I get one.In the past,I used to masturbate any erection that I received as that was,I felt at the time,the only way to rid myself of an unwanted erection.Now that my priorities have changed,I am now seeking more healthy and constructive ways to fight unwanted erections when they occur and to resist any temptation to masturbate them away.I only resist the temptation because I know that masturbation will never get me what I truly need and want.Masturbation,in no way,will ever connect me with my lost maleness no more that having anything sexual with another man will connect me to my lost maleness.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which I am trying to overcome and cast away from me because it is NOT what I am all about as a man or a human being.I have to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to have anything sexual with.Again,I am still open to any suggestions as to how I can resist and how I can stay strong whenever temptation rears it's ugly head.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with a garage to have them check out my fan as to see why it isn't working at the lower speeds.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee to drink.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a group that I needed to attend and I was looking forward to it.
I headed over to the place where the group was and I attended the meeting.It was an internet resources recovery group and I was looking to get a lot out of what they were using the internet to look for certain websites that help in the recovery of individuals struggles with many mental illnesses.
The meeting was wonderful.After leaving the place,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up several things that were needed for the home.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues,I do have to admit that when a person,like myself,has bipolar depression,it isn't always easy.Nobody who suffers and struggles with this doesn't know when they will be up or when they will be down.On certain days,I can feel happy and full of life while on other days,I feel down and don't want to do much of anything nor even want anything to do with life.My other problem is that I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression and even that can get rough.You always hear things that nobody else hears and that can get you feeling like there is nothing right at all with anything around.The struggle is never easy at all.It is usually rough and rocky.The only thing that I can continue to do is to attend my therapy sessions when they come up and also,continue to take my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was tempted twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals in the morning.This is the first double whammy that I have had in a long time.On both these occasions,I had to really toss and turn until my genitals softened and I was able to go back to sleep.Whenever I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,I get tempted to masturbate them away as this was the old way that I used to get rid of them.With my priorities changed and since I am in the healing process,I have to resist the temptation to masturbate when this happens.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from as the sexual lifestyle connected with it is sinful in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I don't want to masturbate and I don't want to have the Homosexual identity reinforced by masturbation or by acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,which I also don't want to do because acting out in any way will never give me what I really need and want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.I will just have to keep fighting the temptation day in and day out.I am still open to any more suggestions or advice.Please share anything that you may feel is useful.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Easter or Resurrection Sunday.
Tonight,my road to recovery presses onward,though the road is still rough and rocky.I had a very good and eventful Easter holiday today.
Today,I woke up in the wee early morning hours and I bathed.After my bath,I got dressed up to go to church.It was Easter morning and there was a lot at the church that was going on and I wanted to have a share in the festivities.
The first thing today was an Easter breakfast and the breakfast was wonderful.There was some wonderful fellowship with everyone and we had some laughs and some wonderful feelings of love in the air.After the breakfast was over,I hung out at the church to wait for the worship service to begin.There was still some time to have a lot more fellowship as I had some wonderful talks with some of the members as we waited for the time that the worship service was to begin.Once the time came,we all started to enter the chapel for the service and as usual,I was looking forward to the worship service with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The Easter Sunday worship service was wonderful.I got quite a bit out of it.I had some more wonderful fellowship with the members again and after all of that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that were needed for the home for the dinner we were going to have.After paying for those,I headed over to a gas station to get some gas into my gas tank.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes and I did my personal PC work before anything else.After that was over,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.I also registered a whole bunch of bills at the Where's George site.Overall,a very good and very eventful Easter holiday.
As someone in recovery,I know that the recovery from anything,including mental illness,is going to be very difficult.I know that all too well.I have been struggling with bipolar depression all of my life and I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside the bipolar depression.It is a real tough and rough struggle when I have to put with my emotions going up one day and them going going down the next.The only thing that I continue to do is that I am still attending my therapy session when I have them and that I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am still feeling hopeful and optimistic that my recovery will start improving soon.I do want to feel better and I am determined to feel better.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I was tempted to masturbate it away,but instead of giving into the temptation,I fought and resisted the temptation by tossing and turning aggressively until the erection died down and my genitals were soft again.Though I escaped this episode,I know that I will be tempted again.It is not that I am waiting for it to happen,which I am not.I am just keeping in mind that it will happen again when least expected.I still have to keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I really need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation of my gender identity.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from.I don't want to act out by masturbating nor do I want to act out in other ways.I am still open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to resist the temptations when they come.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ