Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee to drink.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a group that I needed to attend and I was looking forward to it.
I headed over to the place where the group was and I attended the meeting.It was an internet resources recovery group and I was looking to get a lot out of what they were using the internet to look for certain websites that help in the recovery of individuals struggles with many mental illnesses.
The meeting was wonderful.After leaving the place,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up several things that were needed for the home.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues,I do have to admit that when a person,like myself,has bipolar depression,it isn't always easy.Nobody who suffers and struggles with this doesn't know when they will be up or when they will be down.On certain days,I can feel happy and full of life while on other days,I feel down and don't want to do much of anything nor even want anything to do with life.My other problem is that I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression and even that can get rough.You always hear things that nobody else hears and that can get you feeling like there is nothing right at all with anything around.The struggle is never easy at all.It is usually rough and rocky.The only thing that I can continue to do is to attend my therapy sessions when they come up and also,continue to take my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was tempted twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals in the morning.This is the first double whammy that I have had in a long time.On both these occasions,I had to really toss and turn until my genitals softened and I was able to go back to sleep.Whenever I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,I get tempted to masturbate them away as this was the old way that I used to get rid of them.With my priorities changed and since I am in the healing process,I have to resist the temptation to masturbate when this happens.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from as the sexual lifestyle connected with it is sinful in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I don't want to masturbate and I don't want to have the Homosexual identity reinforced by masturbation or by acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,which I also don't want to do because acting out in any way will never give me what I really need and want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.I will just have to keep fighting the temptation day in and day out.I am still open to any more suggestions or advice.Please share anything that you may feel is useful.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ