Tonight,my road to recovery is still going,though it isn't an easy road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of small things planned for today.
The first thing on my agenda was that I had to drop something off at one of my mom's friends houses.After that was finished,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
On my road to recovery from the mental illness that I struggle with and deal with on a daily basis,I am still learning that it is a very difficult road to be on.People with bipolar depression,like myself,don't know what their mood will be up or down.The moods keep changing or at times,they stay the way they are for a period of time.It is unpredictable,though I wish at times that I can pinpoint when it might and/or will happen.Aside from bipolar depression,I do have schizophrenic tendencies alongside it,which makes it even more difficult.I just hang in there and I hope for the best.The only other thing that I can do is still attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I hope that one day or someday soon,my recovery will start to improve and I can feel better about myself.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep.It was a really hard one this time and I really had to fight aggressively to resist the temptation to masturbate it away.I had to really toss and turn until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I have to continue to keep fighting to resist the temptation to masturbate erections away when I get one.In the past,I used to masturbate any erection that I received as that was,I felt at the time,the only way to rid myself of an unwanted erection.Now that my priorities have changed,I am now seeking more healthy and constructive ways to fight unwanted erections when they occur and to resist any temptation to masturbate them away.I only resist the temptation because I know that masturbation will never get me what I truly need and want.Masturbation,in no way,will ever connect me with my lost maleness no more that having anything sexual with another man will connect me to my lost maleness.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which I am trying to overcome and cast away from me because it is NOT what I am all about as a man or a human being.I have to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to have anything sexual with.Again,I am still open to any suggestions as to how I can resist and how I can stay strong whenever temptation rears it's ugly head.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with a garage to have them check out my fan as to see why it isn't working at the lower speeds.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ