Tonight,I am feeling hopeful and optimistic.I had a pretty decent day today.I went to several garage sales in my area today and found quite a few good record albums at one of them.I also ran an errand for my mother today.I even found the time to get something for my mom for tomorrow.It is Mother's Day tomorrow.I could not forget my mother.Overall,as stated,a pretty decent day.
Tonight,I am going to entertaining the crowd as I usually do every Saturday night.I am hoping that the night goes well.I am simply going to reaquaint myself with a few songs that I have not done in a long time.I have not had the chance to really practice anything new is a while because I have not had the time due to my busy schedule.But I am just glad to be doing what I am doing and there is really no demand for me to do anything new.Though I rarly,if ever,have an off night,I always still hope for things to go well.But I have the feeling that it's going to be a great night.I do not why I feel this way.I just have the feeling that I am going to have a wonderful night.But still,I hope that things do indeed go well.You never know what might happen.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres are playing the Ottawa Senators in Game 2 of their playoff series.The game starts at 8:00p.m.I am hoping for a Buffalo Sabres victory to even the series at 1 game apiece.After that disappointing loss on Thursday night,a win would be IT.I really hated it when the Sabres lost on Thursday night.They really played pathetically that night.It was embarrassing.But I am hoping tonight for a win to even the series.A win would really make me happy.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am again feeling mixed emotions.After a very good work day,I had to deal with a frustrating thing that I wasn't expecting.When I got home,I got a rude awakening from my mom.She asked to borrow money from me.I know that I do have to help her out with a little extra because I still with her but I am trying to save up for something and this is not helping me.I know that she is going to pay me back but it is still frustrating when you are trying to save up and when you get a little bit ahead,this happens.I really don't like it.She doesn't do it often but it is still frustrating when you try to get ahead and you are asked to loan out money.I am hoping that she doesn't do it again for a while.I was hoping to replace the money that I had to spend on the radiator that my new car needs so I can put it on the road.Again,I am hoping that she doesn't ask me again for a while.
The only really good thing that I received was a DVD set that I was waiting on.It is the Mission:Magic DVD set.This was a short lived 1970's Saturday morning cartoon show that starred Rick Springfield way before he became a big name star in the 1980's.The series,though it was a funny show,only lasted 16 episodes.I remember watching this when it used to come on after Big Blue Marble on a syndicated station in my area.It was a very fun show where a bunch of kids,led by a magical school teacher named Miss Tickle,would go on adventures to imaginary lands through a magical door drawn on a chalkboard by a cat named Tut-Tut who is brought back to life after the teacher says the magic words.At first,it's a statue but it turns into a real cat.Rick Springfield would always join them on their adventures and would also sing a song or two.It was a great show that never got the chance it truly deserved.I watched a couple of episodes after receiving it and it was still FUN to watch after all these years.It really brought back some great memories of the time before my father took me to live with him and the harsh abuse that I had to endure.Still,I enjoyed seeing it again after all this time.The picture was crystal clear and it felt like that it was Saturday morning from years ago all over again.
I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.I am going to be singing tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes well.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night and again,I am hoping that it goes well.Tomorrow afternoon is also a Buffalo Sabres game at 8:00 p.m.I am hoping that the Sabres can defeat the Ottawa Senators tomorrow night.After that disappointing loss last night,a win would really make me happy alongside other Buffalo Sabres fans in the area.Again,I hope that the Sabres win tomorrow afternoon.
That was my day today and my hoped for day and night tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a very good work day today.The work day went by smoothly.I simply did my job and the day went by pretty fast.I also had to do an errand for my mom on the way home from work.Overall,a pretty good start to the day.
But things started changing when I arrived home.I turned on my computer to do my personal computer work and it was starting to have issues.At first,there were no problems.I managed to turn on my firewall and and that was no problem.After I opened up Internet Explorer,I tried to read a bit of my e-mail but it was slow going.I had to close off the internet and even that was a problem because I got a "Not Responding" message and even when I tried to push "End Now",the problems remained.I had to restart my computer three times to get the kinks out so I could do my computer work and get it over with.After the third time,there were no problems for a while.I managed to get through the day doing my work.While it made me feel better,I was still feeling at edge because the issues regarding the computer were the start of some negative things to come,such as a disappointment that I am now feeling at the moment as well as the issues that I was having tonight trying to sign in to here to post my day here.But now,I am hoping that these issues are now resolved.I really hate it when my computer does not want to do it's duties and give me a hard time when I am trying to get things done.I know that the computer is a man made machine and it will fail to do it's duties at times but I still really disliked it.
The worst thing to happen tonight,which is the cause of my disappointment,is that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Ottawa Senators tonight by a score of 5-2.What a way to start the Conference Finals series.It was disappointing.On top of my computer issues that plagued me for most of the day when I got home,this loss really drained me of some energy.It was also an embarrassing loss because the Sabres were playing in front of a sold out crowd in Buffalo.Their next game is Saturday at 8:00p.m.and this time,it will be televised.After that disappointing loss tonight,I am hoping for a Sabres win.It will make me feel better after this disappointing night.That loss was also mortifying.I know that the series is not over yet.I know that it just started but I still feel sad about it.Again,I am hoping for a Buffalo Sabres win on Saturday afternoon.
Tomorrow is another work day for me.I am hoping that the shift goes well for me.After that,it's the weekend and I am hoping for a wonderful Saturday night.
I am still feeling at edge for what happened today regarding my computer and the issues that it had today.I am hoping that it's better tomorrow.I really can't stand it when things don't work out like they should.Again,I am hoping that everythings works better tomorrow.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The only disappointment was that there was no laundry to pick up.There have been some new check ins at the drug and alcohol help center and there was no laundry.Though disappointed,I did pick up an awful lot on Tuesday morning so there was still plenty to do for the afternoon guy.I even helped out somebody today and they appreciated it.That made me feel good.After I had my lunch at work,I went home.I also had to run an errand for my mother today and that was great to get accomplished.Again,a pretty good day.
Tonight,I went to my support group meeting at the church and that meeting went great.It was wonderful to share my stuff with the group of guys that I meet with.It was wonderful that they listened and thanked me for sharing.I am looking forward to the next meeting next Wednesday night.I am enjoying these meetings and I am really feeling the acceptance in the group.It is a wonderful feeling to feel acceptance after feeling and being subjected to continuous rejection.I am glad to have found out about thi sgroup.I know that I have said that lots of times but I am always feeling great about going and feeling the positive energy that is being spread.I am looking forward to the next meeting.I hope that it is as wonderful as the last one.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that it goes by smoothly.Tomorrow night is the start of the Buffalo Sabres-Ottaw Senators series.The game starts at 7.p.m.tomorrow night in Buffalo.After some of the negative things that the Senators have said about the Sabres in the press,I am hoping that the Sabres can defeat them and I hope that the defeat is an ugly one for the Senators.I want the Senators to really feel what the Sabres are really all about.I hope that the Sabres defeat the Senators.
That was my day today and my night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work day today.Nothing negative to write home about.I am just taking it easy at home at the moment.The night is pretty cool but a little bit warm.Again,I had a pretty smooth work day and everything worked out for the best today.
The schedule for the Buffalo Sabres series with the Ottawa Senators will be starting Thursday night at 7:00p.m.in Buffalo.It is going to be an interesting series.Both teams are matched for speed,toughness and agility.It is going to be interesting to see what will happen in this series.Both teams seem to have some of the same things in common.
Though I am feeling okay,I am also feeling a little at edge.I am again constantly muttering angry things to myself pretending that there are people there.This was a little bit of a problem with me today.I did not do it in front of other people but I did it when I was alone.The thing is that I want to stop doing this but I do not know how to do it.The reason why I want to STOP doing this is because I do not want to do it while I am out in the community and I do not want to risk hurting someone else or even myself.I want to stop doing that for those reasons.I do not want people to be afraid of me or even afraid to approach me.I want people to approach me and accept me and not reject me.I also do not want them to be afraid of me in general.If anybody has any ideas on how I can STOP doing this,I want you to share them.I will try to apply them the best way that I know how.I am open to any advice that is given.Thanks.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day for me.I did have an appointment tomorrow with my sexual abuse support counselor but she cancelled it and I have to call her tomorrow to reschedule.Tomorrow night is my weekly support group meeting at the church and I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good today.I did not do too much.I had the day off from work today and I thought that I would catch up on some stuff that I needed to do.These were personal things that I had put off for a while and I thought that today was a good day to catch up.
The first thing that I had to do was to mail an important personal business letter.After that,I paid a little visit to a friend to give him something that I had been meaning to give him for a long time.I even visited another friend to give him something that I had been meaning to give him.I also paid a visit to my auto mechanic to see when he was going to put the much needed repair work on the car that I had just bought.After these things,I finished the day by running an errand for my mother that was much needed by her.After that,I took it easy for a bit and had dinner.
I am now relaxing at home.I am feeling a bit better after the stress of the previous weekend.I am just glad that nothing happened on Saturday night.My attitude is that I have come too far in my recovery and healing processes to even think of heading back to the Gay lifestyle and indulging in the sinful degrading pleasures that it offers.I know too much about what lead me to having a Homosexual identity to even think of regressing.I have made a commitment never to act out with another man.I have also made a commitment never to even think about having anything sexual with another man.I know that I have to stay on guard.I can not revert back to the old sinful thought patterns or even the same old sinful activities that lead to nowhere because the Gay sexual lifestyle is a road to nowhere where the only thing that men in that lifestyle can have is never ending sexual promoscuity that can lead to AIDS or other diseases with the former being the worst of them all.Promoscuity is the only option for any man in that lifestyle and I do not want no part of it nor do I ever want any part of it at all.I am trying to save myself much heartache down the road and from catching AIDS,which is a disease I do not even want.I am just thankful that I am no longer ensnared by the lure of the Gay lifestyle and not being enslaved to an image of a nude man with an erect penis.I am happier that I am not indulging in that terrible sexual cycle anymore.I am also happier that I know the truth about Homosexuality and that truth was what set me free.Though I do weaken at times when I masturbate,I never let the failure discourage me.I just ask the creator in Heaven to forgive me and then I forgive myself.After that,the slate is clean.Again,I am determined to do whatever it takes to continue my personal journey of healing and recovery from unwanted SSA.I want to be the Heterosexual man that I want to be.This is my journey.I am going to continue on it even if it takes me the rest of my life.
While out today,I did manage to buy a couple of my favorite movies on DVD,I bought Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club.I am glad to have these favorites on DVD so I can preserve my VHS tapes of these.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very exciting day today as I was going about my business.Today was a Buffalo Sabres game against the New York Rangers at Madison Square Garden.It was Game 6 in the conference semi-finals and with the Sabres leading 3 games to 2 in the series,they had the controlling lead.A lot was riding on this game because one team could win and eliminate the other or one team could win to force a Game 7.The odds were 1,000,000 to 1 against the Sabres going into today's game.Why?Because in this series,the Rangers won two consecutive games at Madison Square Garden.But today,those odds faded into obscurity as the Sabres emerged victorious to win the series by a score 0f 5-4.The Sabres really played their second best in this series this year against the Rangers even though the Rangers were really pouring on the pressure.But again,the Sabres emerged victorious today to eliminate the New York Rangers and advance to the conference finals against another tough team,the Ottawa Senators.This match-up is a rematch against the two teams from last season with the only difference being that it was the conference semi-finals last season and this season,it's the conference finals.But again,I am hoping that the Sabres can also eliminate the Senators.I do not how many games it will take but I hope that the Sabres can do it again against the Senators.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd was another big success.I tried out a new song and it went over pretty well.I even reaquainted myself with a few songs that I had not done in a while.Again,the night was a success.It made me happy to entertain the crowd and it also made me feel good that the enjoyed every minute of it.
But the night was also a real challenge to my healing of unwanted SSA.An old school mate of mine who I had not seen in a long time and whom that I graduated with,came into the place last night.At first,I did not recognize her but when she came over to where I was sitting and she said Hello,I then recognized her.The challenge came when a male friend of her's who was with her came over to the table and on an invitation by another friend of mine,sat with us.She had told me that he was an openly Homosexual/Gay man.It made me feel very uncomfortable because here I am,a guy who is determined to heal from unwanted SSA desires towards members of my own gender and will do whatever it takes to do so,has an openly Gay man sitting next to me.Don't get me wrong,I have no hatred towards any man who has embraced Homosexuality nor do I condemn him for doing so.I use Jesus Christ's attitude of "Hate The Sin.Not The Sinner" regarding this.Still,it made me feel uncomfortable because he was open about who he was and I was a guy yearning to heal from these unwanted and inappropriate desires.At least,that is how I feel about the matter.But when he did sit next to me,I went into the men's restroom,locked the door and said a little prayer to God and asked for guidance and strength to deal with this situation and to help deliver me from any possible temptations that could happen.After doing so,I felt better and when I returned to sit down,the uncomfortableness was a lot easier to deal with.The best thing about it was that nothing happend.The guy did not lay a hand on me nor did he make a pass at me.While that did not happen and I was glad and relieved that nothing did,I had to keep on guard that anything can happen in a situation like this and it can be a real test to my strength,endurance and determination to overcome SSA and emerge as the Heterosexual man that I truly want to be.I have left the Gay lifestyle behind and I am no longer into that.It is not what I am all about as a man nor as a person.Nor is it who I am all about as a man nor as a person.I am still determined to heal from these unwanted desires towards other men and want to feel total sexual attraction towards women.Right now,my attraction towards the opposite is slowly developing and that is good.The worst part of it was that I had to be careful in what I had said in conversation because anything I might have said could have had an impact on the night and I did not want to think about it.So,I kept my mind focused and used caution in my words.Again,the night was a success but it also was a challenge to my determination to heal from and overcome unwanted SSA.I am not going to let nothing stand in my way of that goal.
Tomorrow is my day off from work.I do have to do a few personal things tomorrow for myself to make the day seem wonderful.Again,I am overjoyed that the Sabres are advancing into the conference finals and I am hoping that the Sabres can do it again.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ