Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go as positive as ever.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up earlier than usual and bathed.After my bath,I quickly did some personal PC work and got dressed.I had an important Men's Network meeting that I needed to attend as there was going to be an important presentation and I couldn't bare to miss it.
The meeting was wonderful.I gained more than I expected from it.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to drop a couple of important letters in the mail for my mom.After that,I stopped at an auto parts store to pick up some windshield washer fluid as I had run out of it in my washer fluid reservoir.After buying it and filling it up,I headed for the gas station next door to get some gas.Last but not least,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a bowl of soup for lunch and I relaxed for a spell.I also did some more personal PC work that I couldn't do this morning as a result of the meeting that I needed to attend.After my work was done,I did the dishes and popped a DVD is the DVD player when I was done with that and I relaxed and enjoyed the DVD.
After a while,I went back out to pick up something that a friend of the family was holding for my mom.After picking that up,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I once again took it easy and I watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I actually gave into temptation early this morning.Yes I did.I admit it.I actually masturbated early this morning.I was simply manipulating my genitals to near hardness and until the orgasmic feeling approached.Yes,my mind was also flooded with images of naked men with erections asking me for to perform oral sex on them and me agreeing while talking to myself.I really felt miserable as a result of that relapse.I was working on never doing this again,but wound up giving into temptation anyway.As all of you can see,I am still always tempted to act out in some capacity one way or another,other than finding an actual male partner to act out my desires with.The latter is what I really don't want to do because acting out in that way isn't going to get me the fulfillment that I so desperately need in the same manner that pornography,fantasy and masturbation also won't get the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am still seeking advice from any man out there who has been a success in overcoming Homosexuality/SSA and what has worked for them and share that with me.I don't want to act out anymore on these unnatural desires as it is unnatural to find members of one's own gender more sexually attractive rather than members of the opposite gender.I want to be the man that God wants me to be and I am still determined to be that.I know that God doesn't want me to be Homosexual.God wants me to be Heterosexual all the way as God had intended us humans on Earth to be,which is Heterosexual.I want that so bad.I will try anything to be that.Yes I will.Again,any advice would be helpful.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service.After that,I have no other plans set.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and planes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go positively.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up an hour earlier than usual and bathed.I had a lot on my agenda today.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work quickly as I had an appointment with a local garage to get the emissions hose replaced to quiet my car down as it was sounding like a lawnmower.After getting dressed,I headed over to the garage.
I got there with only 10 minutes to spare and they took the car in right away to get fixed.I waited almost over an hour for my car to get fixed and also,it was a little bit more expensive than I had expected.But I still needed my car and I had to get it fixed as I was getting fed up with feeling like that I was driving a riding lawnmower down the street rather than a car as the sounds that it was making were like a lawnmower.After paying the bill,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to put some gas in my tank.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did some more personal PC work as I needed to finish everything that I couldn't do as a result of my car maintenance appointment.After that,I proceeded to get ready for my other appointment with a sexual abuse support counselor that I was renewing myself with after 2 years.
The meeting with the counselor went as smoothly as expected.After meeting with her for about 1/2 an hour,I headed for home.
On the way home,I decided to stop by a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money for myself.After the bank,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy.I also watched some TV while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with depression and it's symptoms.I am dealing with them one day at a time as it is the only way to do so.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted.I am feeling temptation to act out each and every day.This morning,while preparing for my car repair appointment,I had a close call as I was manipulating my genitals to achieve near hardness or total hardness for the purpose of masturbation.After I got home,I again had another close call.I was this time in front of my computer and yes,I was looking at pictures of nude men online.I again was manipulating my genitals to achieve near or total hardness for the purpose of masturbation while looking at those nude men pics.But I stopped myself on both close calls and washed my hands.The struggle to heal from SSA is not an easy struggle as I am learning this day in and day out.But I won't surrender to the desires.I won't go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of acting out on these unnatural desires,which is what Satan the Devil wants me to do.I won't seek a male partner nor will I have sex with any man,as I already know that acting out in this way,or in the forms of masturbation and pornography,won't get me what I want.I want gender identity affirmation by other men and I also want the feelings of authenticity that go along with that gender affirmation by other men.I want to be affirmed as a man,because it is what I am,and I want to feel like a man inside and outside.I want to be the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be,which is a happy Heterosexual man that finds women sexually attractive as men are naturally supposed to be.I also want the sexual feelings that go along with that attraction to members of the opposite gender.I want to desire,crave and be with a woman as God intended us humans that he created to be.He wants us all to be happy Heterosexuals because that is what God intended us humans to be and also,it is the way that God intended sexuality to be.as he did create man and woman for that one reason alone.Regarding the problems,if anyone has any more ideas or advice on how I can overcome them,please share.Thanks.
Tomorrow morning,I have a Men's Network meeting that I will be attending.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I bathed as usual when I woke up this morning.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and managed to finish it despite issues with Yahoo mail.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend and I was looking forward to it with a lot of enthusiasm.After the holiday last week,I was looking forward to it this week.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a local community kitchen for lunch and after that was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Big Lots to look around,but didn't really buy anything.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my prescriptions.After paying for those,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,temptation still comes around.Each and every day,I am tempted to act out on my desires.I had a close call this morning when I was manipulating my genitals to achieve hardness or near hardness while visions of naked med danced in front of my eyes without even watching any pornography.I really need some support and encouragement here during this really rough period.If anyone out there can offer some words of encouragement and advice,please do so.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have to take my car into the shop to get my emissions hose on my engine replaced.In the afternoon,I have an appointment with a sexual abuse support counselor.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and afterwards,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first had lunch at a community kitchen and after that,I headed over to the organizational building to type up something that I needed to type up.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped over at a local convenience store to pick up a few small things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on a daily basis.I had a couple of close calls.One was last night while the other was this morning.The temptation to act out is really getting strong and I really don't know how long that I will be able to hold on or be strong in my resistance to the temptation.I could use some support and encouragement right now.If anyone can help,please do so the best way that you know how.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I will be attending.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive note.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,as usual,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I did have quite a bit to do.I first went to a local garage for an emergency repair.My driver side headlight was out and I needed to replace the bulb.After that was done,which took a few minutes,I headed out to a local restaurant to have lunch.After my lunch,I dropped some newspapers off at certain peoples houses and after that was done,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the most of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go until the early evening.
When I got home,I simply helped my mom out with some small things and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after running one more errand,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to progress,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,so far,I am not being tempted to do anything.But last night,I did give into temptation by masturbating to more images of naked men with erect penises.I was at edge as a result of a couple of things that happened yesterday.While having lunch at a local community kitchen,a man all of a sudden started angrily wailing at another man there and it was scaring the daylights out of everybody,including me.After that,while on my way to groups,I was driving down a one way street to get there in the left lane,when all of a sudden,a driver in the right lane had the nerve to make a left turn from the right lane and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid crashing into him.Luckily,there was no crash and I continued on,but it was scary and I was really angry at this whole thing happening to me.I was still feeling at edge and that is what contributed to me giving in.This is the third consecutive relapse that I have had.I am just hoping that I don't give into the urge again as I do want to overcome this dreaded SSA and heal from it.I also want the desires to diminish as I continue in my healing as I know that acting out with another man won't give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that go with the affirmation of my gender identity.I am not giving up on this and I am going to continue marching forward.I just have to be careful in the long run.Again,any advice or ideas on how I can overcome this would be appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go well.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.I had a lot planned for today.I had to attend 2 groups in the early afternoon and I also had some small stuff that needed to get done.
But before I attended the groups,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I did attend both groups.The first was a recovery group and the next was a work skills group.Both of the groups went as well as expected.I did get a lot out of the groups and I also got a lot out of positive output from them.After they were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up some stuff that was needed for the home.After paying for those things,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still having to deal with depression and it's symptoms.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my unnatural desires on a day to day basis.Late last night,I actually gave into temptation and I masturbated to images of naked men and them yearning for me to perform a sexual act of my fancy on them.It really made me feel miserable.I felt that there was 20,000 ton weight on me as a result of my giving in and acting out by masturbating to those images.The only thing that I can do is simply pick myself up and start all over again.I just have to be on guard the next time when that temptation rolls around.I am still open to ideas and suggestions on how I can resist the temptation and to completely blot out these images of naked men that keep creeping up in my mentality constantly.Anything is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did some or my personal PC work and I got dressed up in a suit to go to this morning's church service.I had a lot of anticipation this morning as I was looking forward to this morning's service with a lot of enthusiasm.
The service was wonderful.This service marked the beginning of advent,in which we celebrate the first coming of Jesus Christ,God's own son,and looking forward to his second coming.It was a really wonderful service and I really got quite a bit out of that.After having some wonderful fellowship with some of the people there,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my usual casual clothes.Before I ate lunch,I had a couple of things that needed to get done.I first went to a local Dollar General store to pick up a bottle of dish detergent and after paying for that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things for myself.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I ate lunch and when my mom laid down,I watched a DVD while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still dealing and struggling with depression and it's symptoms.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am still hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I am still being tempted to act out on my desires.Earlier this morning,I was in the midst of manipulating my genitals for the purpose of masturbation.But fortunately,I stopped myself before it could really develop.I took my bath and that was it.Still,I am once again being tempted to act out in other ways other than finding a male partner to act out with.I just have to keep strong and keep seeking the strength that I desperately need to resist all this temptation and hopefully,come out winning over this demon called SSA.It isn't an easy fight,but I know that I can win it if I continue trying hard enough.I am determined to be victorious over this demon and gain control of not only my emotions,which motivate me to continue masturbating,alongside the images of naked men that keep clouding my mind and to nip it in the bud.I can still use some advice.If anyone can share what worked for them,please do so.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have 2 group meetings that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ