Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive note.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,as usual,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I did have quite a bit to do.I first went to a local garage for an emergency repair.My driver side headlight was out and I needed to replace the bulb.After that was done,which took a few minutes,I headed out to a local restaurant to have lunch.After my lunch,I dropped some newspapers off at certain peoples houses and after that was done,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the most of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go until the early evening.
When I got home,I simply helped my mom out with some small things and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after running one more errand,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to progress,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,so far,I am not being tempted to do anything.But last night,I did give into temptation by masturbating to more images of naked men with erect penises.I was at edge as a result of a couple of things that happened yesterday.While having lunch at a local community kitchen,a man all of a sudden started angrily wailing at another man there and it was scaring the daylights out of everybody,including me.After that,while on my way to groups,I was driving down a one way street to get there in the left lane,when all of a sudden,a driver in the right lane had the nerve to make a left turn from the right lane and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid crashing into him.Luckily,there was no crash and I continued on,but it was scary and I was really angry at this whole thing happening to me.I was still feeling at edge and that is what contributed to me giving in.This is the third consecutive relapse that I have had.I am just hoping that I don't give into the urge again as I do want to overcome this dreaded SSA and heal from it.I also want the desires to diminish as I continue in my healing as I know that acting out with another man won't give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that go with the affirmation of my gender identity.I am not giving up on this and I am going to continue marching forward.I just have to be careful in the long run.Again,any advice or ideas on how I can overcome this would be appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ