Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go as positive as ever.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up earlier than usual and bathed.After my bath,I quickly did some personal PC work and got dressed.I had an important Men's Network meeting that I needed to attend as there was going to be an important presentation and I couldn't bare to miss it.
The meeting was wonderful.I gained more than I expected from it.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to drop a couple of important letters in the mail for my mom.After that,I stopped at an auto parts store to pick up some windshield washer fluid as I had run out of it in my washer fluid reservoir.After buying it and filling it up,I headed for the gas station next door to get some gas.Last but not least,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a bowl of soup for lunch and I relaxed for a spell.I also did some more personal PC work that I couldn't do this morning as a result of the meeting that I needed to attend.After my work was done,I did the dishes and popped a DVD is the DVD player when I was done with that and I relaxed and enjoyed the DVD.
After a while,I went back out to pick up something that a friend of the family was holding for my mom.After picking that up,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I once again took it easy and I watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I actually gave into temptation early this morning.Yes I did.I admit it.I actually masturbated early this morning.I was simply manipulating my genitals to near hardness and until the orgasmic feeling approached.Yes,my mind was also flooded with images of naked men with erections asking me for to perform oral sex on them and me agreeing while talking to myself.I really felt miserable as a result of that relapse.I was working on never doing this again,but wound up giving into temptation anyway.As all of you can see,I am still always tempted to act out in some capacity one way or another,other than finding an actual male partner to act out my desires with.The latter is what I really don't want to do because acting out in that way isn't going to get me the fulfillment that I so desperately need in the same manner that pornography,fantasy and masturbation also won't get the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am still seeking advice from any man out there who has been a success in overcoming Homosexuality/SSA and what has worked for them and share that with me.I don't want to act out anymore on these unnatural desires as it is unnatural to find members of one's own gender more sexually attractive rather than members of the opposite gender.I want to be the man that God wants me to be and I am still determined to be that.I know that God doesn't want me to be Homosexual.God wants me to be Heterosexual all the way as God had intended us humans on Earth to be,which is Heterosexual.I want that so bad.I will try anything to be that.Yes I will.Again,any advice would be helpful.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service.After that,I have no other plans set.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and planes for the day ahead.FJ