Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to get ready for the day.I had a lot planned and I wanted to get everything accomplished.
I first went to the public library to do some printing.After that was done,I headed over to a friends place in another part of the county to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery,though it is rocky,continues onward.It isn't easy trying to cope with bipolar depression and it's symptoms.It is just that it is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that doesn't want to end.On certain days,I am up and feeling good.But on other days,I am feeling down and not so good.I just don't know what mood I will be in as the days continue.Aside from dealing and struggling with bipolar depression,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes it all even tougher.Somehow,I am managing and that is good.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.As with the erection that I had yesterday morning,I had to really fight this one,though the tossing and turning that I was doing wasn't helping.I simply got up and sat up for a while and since I had to use the bathroom,I headed over to it and the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in other ways,aside from seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will never give me what I need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that are a part of that affirmation.I want to be and feel like A MAN.I want to be the man that God intended me to be.I know that God never intended for me to be Homosexual as many of those ignorant so called "Homosexual/Gay" activists claim.I also have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness as it will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Masturbation is a very unclean and dirty habit.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower and I have been applying it,I am still open to any other suggestions.Please share with me what has worked for you.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual and the usual Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff that I needed to do and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.After that,I headed straight home to drop off the stuff and I relaxed for a while before going to the next thing on my agenda,which was a meeting with the pastor of the church in the late afternoon.I wanted to be ready for that as I did have lots to talk with him about.
The meeting with the pastor was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I watched some TV and relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
My road to recovery still continues to move forward,but it is a very rocky road at that.I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of bipolar depression.I don't know when I will be up and feeling good or when I will be down and feeling bad.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know what my mood will be like as I am continuing to deal and struggle with all of this.Plus,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is never an easy thing to deal with.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I am just hoping that my recovery will start improving soon and that I will have some days when I will be feeling good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.This time around,tossing and turning wasn't working.So,I decided to get up and walk to the bathroom since I had to use it.The erection died down while walking there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on my desires in other ways aside from seeking a male partner to act out with can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on keeping myself stronger and to continue to work on resisting the temptation to act out by masturbating because masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity and keeps me father away from what I am truly seeking,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and and what God intended me to be.I know that God didn't make me Homosexual as God condemns the sexual activity associated with Homosexuality.The Holy Bible says that it is sinful and that it's also inappropriate as God made man and woman and not the way that the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture portrays it.Though I have been applying the advice of one of my followers,I am still open to other suggestions or advice on how I Can continue to resist the temptation to act out in other ways aside from seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.Thanks in advance for any help.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there and arrived there half an hour ahead of time.
The group was wonderful as I got a lot out of it.After the group,I headed over to a local community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed for a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward despite the road being rocky.I am still having to deal with the symptoms and the continuous emotional roller coaster ride of bipolar depression(BPD).It is always a rough road.I have to put up with all of this on a one day at a time basis.I don't know what my mood will be day after day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have,which makes it even rougher.Plus,it also doesn't make my struggle with SSA any easier.The only things that I can continue doing is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this one.I aggressively tossed and turned until the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful.I never know when the temptation to act out in any way,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to muster all the strength that I have to resist the temptation to masturbate any erection away or to simply do it for the sake of doing it.Though I did get some good advice from a follower and I am using it,I am still open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to resist.I would like to know what has worked for any or all of those who have been reading.Thanks in advance for anything shared.
Tomorrow,I have another meeting with the pastor and I am hoping that it goes well.As for the rest and most of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned for today and I needed to get them done.
I first headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom needed for the home.After paying for those items,I dropped them off at home and I headed over to the eye doctor's office as I had an appointment with him today.I arrived and I waited for a short time.
The examination went well.After getting a good report,I headed straight home as I wanted to make sure that my eyes felt better before doing anything else.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had to rest my eyes after all of that examination.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but I am still encountering a rocky road.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression(BPD).I am still dealing with the emotional roller coaster that I am always on.One day,I can up and feeling good.The next day,down and not so good.This happens on a daily basis and I have to deal and struggle with this day after day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that can make my struggles with BPD really difficult as I also have to put up with hearing sounds that nobody else hears around me.It is,at times,unbearable.I still hang in there and I try to live day to day.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also still take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I got a double whammy in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by two morning erections at two separate intervals.The first one was a really hard one and was also a throbber.I had to really toss and turn aggressively until it died down.The second one,which happened not to long after,was another really hard one and this time,tossing and turning didn't help to soften my genitals.I had to go to the bathroom and when I got up to walk to the bathroom,my genitals softened.After that,I slept for a little while longer.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter how I do it,will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Acting out by masturbation or any other ways,aside from seeking male partners to act out with,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from attaining that lost maleness that I really need to attain and to feel like A MAN and also,a man among men.Plus,my struggles with BPD make the struggle with SSA even more difficult as well,alongside the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well.Again,though I did get some good advice from a follower,I am still open to any more.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual breakfast and 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things planned today.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and afterwards,I went home to register the bills.After that,I headed downtown to the hospital for my appointment with the nurse practitioner.
The session went well.After that was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
Later on,I went back out to get dinner for me and my mom.My mom and I had a submarine sandwich each from Subway.The sandwich was delicious.After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward though the road is still a rocky one.I am still having to put up with bipolar depression and it's symptoms.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having bipolar depression.It is never an easy thing to deal with.Aside from this,I also have to put up with schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression and that even makes it more difficult.It also makes the healing process from SSA also more difficult.The only things that I can do is continue to attend my therapy sessions and to continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope continually that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I was tempted to grab my genitals and masturbate the erection away as that was my old way of dealing with this.But now,my priorities have changed as I don't want to masturbate anymore.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity as masturbation is a form of acting out on my desires whether it is emotional,sexual or both.Masturbation will also never give me what I want and need,such as the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.It is really becoming difficult to resist the temptation to masturbate because an erection,especially one that you get in the wee early morning hours that wakes anyone out of a deep sleep.Plus,sexual thoughts of men can sometimes cloud my mind as a result of me having that erection.I have been applying the advice given to me by a follower,but I am still open to anymore suggestions or ideas as to how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my eye doctor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed for the day as I had a group meeting that I needed to attend and I also had to do a couple of other things.
The group meeting was wonderful.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those,I headed over to the bank to make a deposit.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward despite a rough road.It is just the struggle that one must go through when they are suffering from bipolar depression and they have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with this.One day,my emotional state could be up and good while the next day,it could be down and bad.I have to put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I always have to put up with me hearing things that nobody else hears and always looking over my shoulder when I hear these things.It is really a difficult thing to put up with each and every day.The only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope that my recovery improves soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating.I really felt miserable afterwards as I felt that I failed my creator as a result of me giving into this temptation.Then,in the wee early morning hours,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by another erection.This was also another throbbing one and I didn't want to give into this temptation so I simply tossed and turned and simply tried to keep my hands to my sides to resist,though it wasn't an easy one.I have been really tempted this time around many times and I really don't know why.I don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore as acting out won't give me what I want.I want affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and want to feel like A MAN.These terrible desires are really overwhelming at times and I at times really don't know if I am coming or going.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower,I am still open to anything else.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have to see the nurse practitioner over at the local hospital.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rocky.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my breakfast and had three cups of coffee to wake me up as I was still feeling sleepy.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service went wonderfully.After some fellowship with everyone afterwards,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas in my tank.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I did my personal PC work after that.After that was done,I had a light lunch and decided to relax for a while.
While relaxing,I popped a DVD in and I continued relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues onward despite the road being rocky.It all shows that the struggle to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression is really a very difficult one indeed.I never know how my mood will be one day or the other.I don't know if I will be up one day or if I will be down the other day.It is simply an emotional roller coaster ride that keeps going on a continuous cycle.Aside from the bipolar depression,I also have to deal and even struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside.It is really a struggle to stay focused on reality and also,to stay focused on what is around you.I do at times hear things that nobody else hears like footsteps,my name being called by others who aren't there or just trying to say something negative or when it wants to engage you in conversation.It is really a tough thing.The only thing that I can continue to do is continue attending my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I had to really and aggressively fight this temptation as it was really a very difficult one to resist.I had to really and aggressively toss and turn around until the erection died down.An few hours later,I had to get up to bathe anyway to get ready to go to church,so I just slept soundly until then.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking male partners to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to keep fighting the temptation and to continue to stay strong when the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form comes around.Though I have gotten a very good suggestion from a follower,I am still open to any other suggestions,advice and/or ideas on how I can continue to resist.Thanks to all who help.
Tomorrow,I have a group meeting that I must attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ