Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned for today and I needed to get them done.
I first headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom needed for the home.After paying for those items,I dropped them off at home and I headed over to the eye doctor's office as I had an appointment with him today.I arrived and I waited for a short time.
The examination went well.After getting a good report,I headed straight home as I wanted to make sure that my eyes felt better before doing anything else.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had to rest my eyes after all of that examination.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but I am still encountering a rocky road.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression(BPD).I am still dealing with the emotional roller coaster that I am always on.One day,I can up and feeling good.The next day,down and not so good.This happens on a daily basis and I have to deal and struggle with this day after day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that can make my struggles with BPD really difficult as I also have to put up with hearing sounds that nobody else hears around me.It is,at times,unbearable.I still hang in there and I try to live day to day.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also still take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I got a double whammy in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by two morning erections at two separate intervals.The first one was a really hard one and was also a throbber.I had to really toss and turn aggressively until it died down.The second one,which happened not to long after,was another really hard one and this time,tossing and turning didn't help to soften my genitals.I had to go to the bathroom and when I got up to walk to the bathroom,my genitals softened.After that,I slept for a little while longer.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter how I do it,will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Acting out by masturbation or any other ways,aside from seeking male partners to act out with,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from attaining that lost maleness that I really need to attain and to feel like A MAN and also,a man among men.Plus,my struggles with BPD make the struggle with SSA even more difficult as well,alongside the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well.Again,though I did get some good advice from a follower,I am still open to any more.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ