Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed for the day as I had a group meeting that I needed to attend and I also had to do a couple of other things.
The group meeting was wonderful.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those,I headed over to the bank to make a deposit.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward despite a rough road.It is just the struggle that one must go through when they are suffering from bipolar depression and they have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with this.One day,my emotional state could be up and good while the next day,it could be down and bad.I have to put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I always have to put up with me hearing things that nobody else hears and always looking over my shoulder when I hear these things.It is really a difficult thing to put up with each and every day.The only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope that my recovery improves soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating.I really felt miserable afterwards as I felt that I failed my creator as a result of me giving into this temptation.Then,in the wee early morning hours,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by another erection.This was also another throbbing one and I didn't want to give into this temptation so I simply tossed and turned and simply tried to keep my hands to my sides to resist,though it wasn't an easy one.I have been really tempted this time around many times and I really don't know why.I don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore as acting out won't give me what I want.I want affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and want to feel like A MAN.These terrible desires are really overwhelming at times and I at times really don't know if I am coming or going.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower,I am still open to anything else.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have to see the nurse practitioner over at the local hospital.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ