Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff that I needed to do and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.After that,I headed straight home to drop off the stuff and I relaxed for a while before going to the next thing on my agenda,which was a meeting with the pastor of the church in the late afternoon.I wanted to be ready for that as I did have lots to talk with him about.
The meeting with the pastor was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I watched some TV and relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
My road to recovery still continues to move forward,but it is a very rocky road at that.I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of bipolar depression.I don't know when I will be up and feeling good or when I will be down and feeling bad.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know what my mood will be like as I am continuing to deal and struggle with all of this.Plus,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is never an easy thing to deal with.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I am just hoping that my recovery will start improving soon and that I will have some days when I will be feeling good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.This time around,tossing and turning wasn't working.So,I decided to get up and walk to the bathroom since I had to use it.The erection died down while walking there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on my desires in other ways aside from seeking a male partner to act out with can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on keeping myself stronger and to continue to work on resisting the temptation to act out by masturbating because masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity and keeps me father away from what I am truly seeking,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and and what God intended me to be.I know that God didn't make me Homosexual as God condemns the sexual activity associated with Homosexuality.The Holy Bible says that it is sinful and that it's also inappropriate as God made man and woman and not the way that the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture portrays it.Though I have been applying the advice of one of my followers,I am still open to other suggestions or advice on how I Can continue to resist the temptation to act out in other ways aside from seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.Thanks in advance for any help.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ