Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,since I overslept and it was too late to go to the Men's Network meeting,I simply went into my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had other things planned for today.
I first went to get my hair done and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few vital things and after that,I headed over to a local pizzeria for a few slices of pizza.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I ate the pizza slices as my late lunch.After that,I headed back upstairs to continue the cleaning process in my old room so I can use it to sleep up there once again.After nearly an hour,I headed back downstairs to do a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched some old TV reruns for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the SSA struggles that I have.Today,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did indeed cloud my mind.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I asked for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and left nothing out.I did feel better and I truly believed that I was forgiven.Since I live alone,I have no roommates living with me as a result of my limited income and having no job,though I am still working on searching for one.I wish that I could have a roommate so that I could have someone that I could relate,identify and connect with in a healthy and authentic Christian way.Until I do find a good job,I have to stay on my own and keep trying to work on making frequent prayer through the day a part of my life.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I wish that I didn't have to deal with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and I always wish that the SSA that I have would go away.I am tired of having SSA and I wish that I could find a way that I could resolve this.I keep praying to my Heavenly Father to point me in the direction of relationships with other men that are healthy and authentic that can lead to close friendships,bonding and the best of all,healthy and authentic Christian styled connections.That is all that I yearn and ask for.I have been praying to my Heavenly Father to lead me in the right direction,but so far,these prayers haven't been answered.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong in this?"If anyone who follows my blog and reads my posts,please share with me your viewpoint on what I am doing wrong and I will correct it.I need these types of relationships so I can learn and try to fill in all the emptiness that I have because I do want to be a whole man and also,to feel like a whole man.I want to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel and again,that is all that I yearn and ask for.Again,please keep up your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed up in dress clothes to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first dropped off a couple of job applications and I also paid my electric bill.I also bought a few things at a local Dollar Tree store.After that,I headed to a nursing facility to pick up another job application,which I will fill out over the weekend and turn it in on Monday.After that,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I did some personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and relax while watching it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,the struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia are still a part of my daily life.Still,I am currently in therapy and taking my medication as directed.I have an appointment with my therapist on the 11th next week.My struggles with SSA are also very difficult as I have to put up with constant temptations to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men and also,the temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting with other men,including to look at online porn and online pictures of men in the nude.Yes,I get tempted to look at these things all time and to indulge.At least,I have a choice whether I want to act out or not.I can now go to my Heavenly Father in prayer and ask him for strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask him for this strength and I know that I get it because I don't feel the overwhelming urges anymore once I have prayed for that strength.Today,since I was out for much of the day,I didn't really have any problems.I stayed busy by pursuing jobs and by placing applications in at a couple of local businesses.I also stayed busy by shopping and just keeping my eyes on the road while driving.Still,I need prayers and positive verbal encouragement from all my fellow blog followers.Please continue praying for me and keep up saying positive encouraging words in the comments section.They help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of tomorrow's monthly Men's Network meeting and church on Sunday morning,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed real quickly to head over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and after that,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance bill.After that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.I also listened to some music while doing so.After that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I got dressed again and I headed over to my usual Thursday evening Holy Bible study group,which also went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into bed clothes and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some more recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.The SSA struggle is difficult in itself,but the psychiatric double whammy that I have makes this particular struggle even more difficult.It is also difficult that I am trying to establish relationships with other men,but I am failing miserably.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong?" in regards to this and I can never get an answer.I know that my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are there to help me and that I should continue working on seeking the kingdom first and my Heavenly Father's righteousness,but I also need to have positive,healthy and authentic relationships with other men that lead to friendships,bonding and healthy authentic connections,but I am not getting anywhere in this endeavor.I want to be a whole man and also,the man that my Heavenly Father intends me to be.I do want to be whole and I want to feel like a man should feel.The thing is that I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.I also don't know what it feels like to be a man.I was never taught these things and also,my father while I was growing up never educated me in this regard.When I was a boy,the only things that I got from my father was his legalism and his physical and emotional abuse of me.I also never heard my father tell me once that he loved me.He never said it nor did he ever show it.This is the main cause of my SSA issues.This is why I am trying to establish relationships with other men so I can start learning how to be a man and also,to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.Right now.with my SSA struggles,I don't feel like a man at all.I feel only the opposite.I want to feel like a man and be the man the my Heavenly Father intended me to be and wants me to be.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.I feel all alone here where I am at as I have nobody in my hometown to confide in.Please pray for me and also,please leave me something positive and encouraging to me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of continuing to put in more job applications,I have nothing else planned.But I do hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had quite a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to mail out a bill that needed to be paid and after that,I went to the public library to print something that I needed to print from my e-mail and after that,I went over to a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and I bought quite a few vinyl albums and after paying for them,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to buy a few things that I needed and after that,I paid another bill that needed to be paid and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the really difficult struggle with SSA.Today,since I was out in the community for much of the day,this took my mind off of these struggles.I stayed busy by simply going places and doing what I felt needed to be done.I simply decided to stay busy by going places and having a pretty good time being out and about in the community.It was great that I didn't have to worry about temptation coming at me today as I was out.Still,just because I escaped today doesn't mean that I will escape tomorrow.Tomorrow is another day and I still need and have to stay on guard against these terrible temptations.I am again asking for my fellow blog followers to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I really need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday spirituality and evening study groups,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the garage to pick up my car and I set out to get what I had to get done accomplished.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed home to register some of the bills at the Where's George site.After that,I went back out to do what I had to do.
I first had lunch at a local pizzeria.After that,I went to the local K-Mart to buy something that I needed.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy some groceries and after that,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up a few other things.After that,I headed over to the place of business of a friend of mine to drop off the last payment that I owed him on something and after picking up a used vinyl album and paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the difficult SSA struggle that I am going through at the same time.I fell again today when I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals until I ejaculated and yes,I was fantasizing and lusting after other men while doing so.I really felt miserable after sinning and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and I asked in the name of his son Jesus Christ to be forgiven.I prayed real hard and after I was finished,I felt better.I really need to get tough with myself here.I can't keep falling into sin and asking my Heavenly Father to continue forgiving me.I have to work on not falling into habitual sin and habitual asking for forgiveness.I need to get tough with myself.I need to start praying when these urges come around and I need to pray really hard for strength to help me fight and resist these urges.I am serious that I want to heal from this terrible SSA.I am also serious about wanting to overcome it.Please pray for me as I really need some prayers right now.I need them desperately.I also need some words of positive encouragement right now.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning when I was awakened by a phone call.It was the garage that I left a message with on Saturday afternoon concerning the coolant leak and they simply advised me to bring it in and they would see if they could get to it today.After I hung up,I had my usual 2 cups of coffee and I got dressed to drop my car off at the garage and after that,I walked home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refills and after paying the co-pay on them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my prescriptions and took one of them.After that,I did my personal PC work and since I was experiencing a very painful headache,I took something for it and I laid down for a while.It took some time,but the headache slowly disappeared.After it was gone,I did a little bit more personal PC work.
I did hear from the garage and they told me that there was a leak in the coolant reservoir system and they would have it fixed before the end of the day,which they did and I told them that I would be by tomorrow to pick it up.I am glad that this is out of the way and I can move on with the rest of the week.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and the worst thing of all,IMHO,SSA.The SSA struggle is never an easy one at all.It gets tougher and tougher each and every day.My struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I hear things and sounds that nobody else hears,such as voices and footsteps.Whenever I hear these things,I turn around to see who might be there,but see nobody or anything.At times,the voices that I hear,which I think could be Satan and/or his minions,telling me to play with myself to anything sexual having to do with men coming to my mind.I hear them all the time and I do give into them at times,though I know that I should pray for strength to fight and resist these urges.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I know that it isn't easy,but I am working on it.I need prayers right now as I am really getting tempted to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional period.I need prayers right now.I also need some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of doing some shopping and picking up something from my nephew's house,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and phoned my sister so she could take me to church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I called my sister to pick me up,which she did and we headed straight home.
When I got into the house,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I had a light lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed upstairs to do some more cleaning up around my old room.I did get the hallway upstairs cleaned up of all the paper residue that was on the floor and that was all that I did.I relaxed and enjoyed some music and after that,I decided to head back downstairs and do some more personal PC work.I also prepared my evening meal while doing so.
After eating,I put a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my usual daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles difficult.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I need to work on habitually asking my Heavenly Father for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations that keep coming at me from all sides.I need to get tough on myself.I need to start doing this regularly.I need strength within my weakness.I have to start praying incessantly and I need to make it regular.While I am working on this,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me and also,don't be shy and leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of hoping to get my car looked at tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ