Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed real quickly to head over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and after that,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance bill.After that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.I also listened to some music while doing so.After that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I got dressed again and I headed over to my usual Thursday evening Holy Bible study group,which also went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into bed clothes and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some more recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.The SSA struggle is difficult in itself,but the psychiatric double whammy that I have makes this particular struggle even more difficult.It is also difficult that I am trying to establish relationships with other men,but I am failing miserably.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong?" in regards to this and I can never get an answer.I know that my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are there to help me and that I should continue working on seeking the kingdom first and my Heavenly Father's righteousness,but I also need to have positive,healthy and authentic relationships with other men that lead to friendships,bonding and healthy authentic connections,but I am not getting anywhere in this endeavor.I want to be a whole man and also,the man that my Heavenly Father intends me to be.I do want to be whole and I want to feel like a man should feel.The thing is that I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.I also don't know what it feels like to be a man.I was never taught these things and also,my father while I was growing up never educated me in this regard.When I was a boy,the only things that I got from my father was his legalism and his physical and emotional abuse of me.I also never heard my father tell me once that he loved me.He never said it nor did he ever show it.This is the main cause of my SSA issues.This is why I am trying to establish relationships with other men so I can start learning how to be a man and also,to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.Right now.with my SSA struggles,I don't feel like a man at all.I feel only the opposite.I want to feel like a man and be the man the my Heavenly Father intended me to be and wants me to be.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.I feel all alone here where I am at as I have nobody in my hometown to confide in.Please pray for me and also,please leave me something positive and encouraging to me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of continuing to put in more job applications,I have nothing else planned.But I do hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ