Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.After doing that,I decided to do a complete scan for viruses or spyware on my computer and it took a little over an hour and a half to complete.While waiting for the scan to complete,I watched an episode of Friday The 13th: The Series from the second season DVD set that I have. It was a wonderful episode.While watching,I also periodically checked my computer to see if anything was found by the anti-virus software that I use for my computer.The best news was that there were no security risks on my computer and that was great.I did one last night but I had to abort it when it was discovered that there were two security risks in my database.When I saw this,I turned off my system recovery and restarted my computer and it got rid of the risks.Today,there was nothing in my database and that really made my day.After doing a little bit more work,I closed the internet off and went on with my day.
I had to run a couple of errands during two separate times during the day.The first errand was when I went to a local Dollar General store to get my mom something and later on,I went to a local supermarket to get some Klondike bars.In between these,I stopped at a couple of garage sales and I bought a few things at one.I bought a couple pairs of shorts and a few golden oldie 45's.
When I got home,I bathed to get ready for going out tonight.I am looking forward to singing up a stoirm tonight and I am also going to be helping to celebrate the place's 9th anniversary and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the night will be a blast.I am also hoping that my entertaining the crowd will also go well.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also e-mailed a friend who I have been meaning to e-mail for the past two weeks.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems with images nor cravings.Nothing creeped up into my mentality today and that is wonderful.I am hoping to get through th erest of the weekend unscathed.
I have really no plans for the rest of the weekend but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty easy going day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I did my job in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped some of my personal stuff off and I headed back out.I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done.While waiting,I registered all the bills that I had on Where's George.It was a lot of money to register and all that money now on there.It only took me about 20 minutes to do so.I also did some personal PC work and watched some of the evening news before sitting down to eat.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work,including posting here.I plan on doing some internet browsing,including visiting YouTube and watching some videos on there.
At the moment,I am relaxing and taking it easy.I have really no place to go.There is also nothing to do in my hometown.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Tomorrow night is also a party night.The place where I am entertaining is going to be celebrating 9 years of business and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the party will be a blast.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I didn't have anything creeping into my mentality.I am hoping that the weekend will go smoothly where I will not have to deal with any images or cravings.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly despite a shaky start.I did what I had to do in the limited time that I had.After I was finished,I dropped the clean laundry off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit.I had an appointmnet today with a skin doctor to have him examine me about a skin fungus that I have on my chest.He prescribed me a cream and a pill to take care of it and I will be seeing him again in four weeks.After the appointment,I walked around a mall that will be closing up soon and I wanted to walk through one last time before the closing.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also ran a couple more errands.Firstly,I went to a local drug store to pick up the prescriptions that I had dropped off earlier alongside a box of sleep tea.I also picked up a jar of tartar sauce for dinner tomorrow.I also visited with my sister for a while.After that,I headed straight home and I am here to stay.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images or cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up,which really relieved me.I wasn't in the mood to clean up after people again.I simply took the only bag that was there and I headed for the work site.
Before sorting out the laundry,I had a light lunch.It only took me a few minutes to sort everything after I ate.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit before going out again to send a few bills out for my mom and to withdraw some money for her.After doing these things,I headed back home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew over at the Where's George site and I also did some more personal PC work.
I had only one more errand to run.I went out to a local Wendy's to pick up a few chicken sandwiches and a couple of fries for me and my mom to eat for dinner.
After eating,I watched some of the local news before posting my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.I was having a terrible dream where I was surrounded by men with huge erections all begging me for sexual favors.I was also experiencing a craving to masturbate to these images.Fortunately,I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and when I went back to bed,I had no problems.Still,those images were quite scary and I almost masturbated to this.I slept for a little over an hour after getting back into bed.
At the moment,I am having no temptation to view pornography online.This is making me feel good.As stated,I still need to be on guard because the temptation can come when least expected.I want nothing to do with pornography because as I stated a few days ago,"pornography is garbage".Still,I am just feeling greatful because I have no cravings to look at that pointless eye candy.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am again feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty so-so day today.
The work day was fair.It started out pretty frustrating.When I went to the rehab center to pick up the laundry,I found that there was an unholy mess there.There was dirty laundry piled on top of more.This really set me off balance.The rehab center sent two people to help me pick it up but they were griping for much of the pick-up.I didn't say anything.I just did the clean up and didn't even bother complaining because complaining would not have done any good.I just wanted to get the laundry bagged and head over to the work site.
When I got to the work site,it took me 1/2 an hour to sort it.I started two loads and I headed over to the social club next door to hang out while waiting for the loads to get done.
During the wait for the second loads,I read another chapter in the book The Ragamuffin Gospel.This is a pretty fascinating book.It talks about the love of God through his son Jesus Christ and the grace that comes with it.I am enjoying this book immensely.After the second loads were done,I started another two loads and had lunch.
After I ate lunch,I decided to go and get some gas in my tank before finishing off the shift.It was pretty easy and the rest of the day went pretty fair.I was still feeling frustrated from that messy pick-up that I had to do and even hearing the negative complaints from the clients assigned to help me.I did tell the staff about it when I dropped off the clean laundry later in the day.Apparently,these people didn't like to be disciplined.
Oh Well!
Some people don't seem to realize that discipline is a part of life.Without it,where would we be?Even I get disciplined at times and even though the feeling isn't pretty,discipline helps mold you and it also helps make you a better person.It doesn't have to be liked.Just accept it and apply it to your life.
When I got home,I picked up a bag of my wet laundry after my mom did it early in the afternoon.I decided to take it to the laundromat and dry it and give my mom a break from hanging it up because she is feeling back pain at the moment.I was glad to do it.It only took 1/2 and hour to dry and after that was done,I headed over to the store to pick up a half gallon of ice cream.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also watched the evening news for a while after finishing it.Overall,a pretty so-so day that actually turned out fair.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had only a brief episode while my time on the job was winding down.The root cause of this was the frustration that I was feeling as a result of how the day started.When this happened,I hung out for a while at the social club next door and this helped alleviate the images that were clouding my head.The images disappeared and I was able to finish off the job today with no problems.
I still have to deal with the temptation to watch pornography while online.But I am handling that as it comes.At the moment,I am not tempted to do that but I know that the temptation can come when least expected and I have to be on guard.The minute that I am tempted,I simply close off the internet and I leave the computer alone for a while.This has been working,so far and I will find other ways to deal with the temptation in the near future.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes better than the pick-up today.I don't know what would happen if I encounter another mess.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a lot better than I did yesterday.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today was my day off.I really didn't have too much to do.When I got up out of bed,I had a quick breakfast and I also did my personal PC work.I also did some internet browsing for a while.
I had only a few errands to run.Firstly,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that my mom needed and I also went to a local post office to mail out a bill payment that is due in a few days.I shipped it out Priority Mail so it will be there pretty quickly.I also put delivery confirmation on it so I can check the shipment of the payment in a few days to see if it got there.I also paid the friend that I visited yesterday another visit.We talked for a while before I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make one more stop.I went to a local Dollar General store to pick up a roll of aluminum foil for my mom.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I decided to relax while waiting for dinner to be ready.I did some more internet browsing but closed off the internet when the temptation to visit a pornographic site was starting.That is one thing that I want to avoid.Pornography is garbage and that is all that it is.Garbage is one thing that I wouldn't want to put in my brain and pornography is mental garbage.I felt that closing off the internet was the best way to kill off the temptation to view pornography.
After eating,I eagerly awaited a phone call from a Christian counselor that I have occasional sessions with whenever I need to talk with him.
When he called,we talked for over 1/2 an hour.We did a little tapping exercise and I felt better.I had told him the story of the car accident that I was in back in late November and he guided me through the exercise and he continuously asked me about my anxiety levels at the time of the accident and the anxiety levels that I was feeling now when I was telling hom the story.He told me that I should say to myself "Despite what happened to me,I totally and completely accept myself." and to repeat it each and every time when something that is troubling me comes to mind.Aside from that,I told him about my depression yesterday and why I was feeling the depression that had enveloped me.He understood that those things can be depressing.Plus,the struggle to do the right thing amidst unnatural desires can also bring depression.I told the counselor everything and I left nothing out.When the session was over,I felt way better and much of the way I was feeling has been replaced with a better feeling of self worth.The counselor also advised me to call him when I really need to talk with him about something.I am glad that I can do that.Again,I feel better and I am hoping to carry this feeling into the rest of the week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I can say that I am having no thoughts or desires regarding sexual relations with other men.I am not having any images of men nor any cravings to indulge in anything sexual with other men.I am feeling good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week with no problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty so-so day today.
I got up this morning and had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It was a lot more than I have had in the past several days but I managed to get it done.I also decided to cancel my membership to some of the Yahoo forums that I was a member of.I am hoping to reduce my e-mail load.I am still working on canceling my membership to other ones.It is going to take several days but I will get that accomplished.I just need to reduce my e-mail load a tad.
Today,I only ran a small errand.While doing that,I stopped over to see the friend that was supposed to celebrate his birthday but he canceled when a member of his girlfriend's family got hurt while playing in a high school football game.He did call me over an hour before I was supposed to pick him up.I only visited him because he called me and I promised that I would.He is doing okay.I am glad that he is.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is because I am depressed.The main reason was last night's cancellation.I understand that what happened was crucial and it couldn't be helped.But I was hoping to have a good time with him and have a memorable night with a friend and his girlfriend celebrating.But this sudden turn of events really brought me down.Again,I understand that this couldn't be helped and I do sympathize and my heart goes out to him and his girlfriend.I am hoping that her relative gets over his injuries and that they are feeling better soon.It was great for me to talk with him today and see that he is alright.I do feel a little bit better as a result of talking with him,though I am still feeling the blues.I did explain to them how I am feeling and they said that it could also be a side effect of the psychiatric medication that I currently taking.I really don't know if that is contributing to this.Still,anything is possible.I am hoping that it isn't.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.Though I was feeling down as a result of my good friend canceling at the last minute.Again,I do sympathize and I don't hold it against him or even her.I had a good time but my depression really affected me and the good time didn't seem like a good time to me.I am hoping that I will be feeling better next week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I think that this is another reason why I am feeling depressed.I haven't acted out in a long time and I haven't watched any pornography nor have I visited any pornographic websites in a long time.I want to do the right thing and stay away from any situation that might tempt me into acting out on these desires.I know that these desires are emotional in nature and I also know that acting out will never get me the fulfillment that I really need to keep going.But these desires are really strong and my cravings to act out are also strong.Still,I am not going to act out.I am not going to have anything sexual with men.I want to continue leaving the Gay(i.e.Homosexual) lifestyle behind and I am not going to let these desires run my life.I also know that I was sexually abused by other guys for their pleasure,including the time that I was raped by that man in my neighborhood when I was 16.There were also the other times that I was used by other guys for their pleasure and I still keep that in mind.Not only that,the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father was also the main root cause of my desires.I know the right thing to do and I am going to do that.I won't act out and I won't let the desires I have make my choices for me.I have made a choice not to act out and I am sticking to that.The only thing that I need to do is to continue seeking healthy relationships with other men.I am going to continue doing that until I do indeed find what I am seeking.I hope that I get there soon.
Plus,it is all this stuff about "Same-Sex Marriage" that is always in the news and hearing about two members of the same gender "getting married" like if they were a man and a woman.This really makes me sick.The institution of marriage was never meant to be this way because it was Adam and Eve that were created and not Adam and Steve.I know that I shouldn't let it bother me and I really don't want it to.But it really sickens me when I hear about this constantly.It is truly sickening to see two members of the same gender doing something that is strictly meant for a man and woman.If anyone out there has any advice on how I can deal with this effectively,I would appreciate some.I don't want to feel sad and/or depressed.I want to feel happy because of the freedom that I have from Homosexuality.Again,any advice would be strongly appreciated.
You know something,just sharing these feelings and thoughts on here has made me feel a lot better.Still,I would appreciate some advice on how to deal with this stuff.
I am thinking of going out to have a drink or two with the guys at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for some great talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ