Tonight,my road to recovery pushes forward amidst a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things planned and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to return a DVD that was sent to me that I didn't order.Well,it was a particular one,but it was the wrong edition.After working out some stuff with the people over at the store,where hopefully,I will get the edition that I really want,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for the home.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work and watched a DVD as well.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a very rocky road,as I am still having to put up with the symptoms of bipolar depression.As I stated previously,I never know when my mood will be up or when my mood will be down.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I just wish that my mood could be up daily rather than down much of the time.I really hate that I am struggling with this and also,I have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is really a struggle putting up with all of this stuff.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections.This is the first time in quite a long time that I had more than two erections in the wee early morning hours.I really had to fight these temptations really hard.An erection really makes it tough to resist the temptation to masturbate,especially when it was my old way of getting rid of the erection in the first place.I am trying to show my body that I own it and not it owning me.I simply had to toss and turn on all three occasions to resist the temptations to masturbate and all three times,I was successful,though it wasn't easy.Though I escaped these episodes,I know that the temptation to act out by masturbation or in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.It's bad enough that I am putting up with the emotional roller coaster of bipolar depression and with the struggles that I have regarding SSA,it really makes it difficult for me to resist any temptation to act out in other ways aside from searching for male partners to act out sexually with.I will just have to work on staying strong and work on staying strong when the temptation hits again.It won't be easy,but I know that I can do it.Again,advice or suggestions are welcomed.
Tomorrow morning,it will be church as usual.After that,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery still continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I first headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that my mom had a coupon for.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions that my mom really needed.After paying the co-pay on these,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had a meeting with the pastor planned and I wanted to be ready for it.When the time was nearly there,I headed over to the church to meet with the pastor as I had a lot of things that I needed to talk about.
The meeting with him was wonderful.I did get a lot out of that.After the meeting,I eagerly awaited the charity spaghetti dinner that the church was having.I was looking forward to this all week.
The dinner was also wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with the people who were also at the dinner.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed as I was there to stay for the rest of the night.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though it is still rocky,but I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression as I never know what to expect next.I can be up and feeling good one day,while the next day,I could be down and feeling not so good.Again,I can never anticipate nor predict how my mood will be as it is an emotional roller coaster ride that is unpredictable.Today,I am right in the middle as one side of me feels good but the other feels bad.I wish that I could feel good most of the time rather than feel good one day and bad the next day.Aside from that,I am also dealing with the schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression.I am still having to contend with hearing things that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and there is nobody around as well as hearing other sounds that I can't even decipher.The only thing that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I just hope and will continue to hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating an erection away.I really felt miserable after it happened as I am trying to resist the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with.I don't want to act out anymore as acting out will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.This is the second consecutive time that I have given into this terrible,disgusting,dirty and unclean habit.I don't want to masturbate or act out in other ways anymore as I want to be A MAN and be a whole man.I don't want to reinforce the Homosexual identity anymore as masturbation will only do that.I also no longer want to find men sexually attractive as men are supposed to find women sexually attractive.I want to be a whole man and I want to be a masculine man as sexual relations with other men will never get me the affirmation of my gender identity that I am truly seeking and not reinforcement of the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to disown and overcome as God never intended for men to have sexual relations or activity with each other.God made man and woman for a reason.Though I did get a suggestion from a fellow follower,I am still open to any more ideas or suggestions.Thanks in advance for sharing them.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I immediately got dressed.I had a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I needed to get a lot more out of this as I did the previous week.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I left to go to a local community kitchen to get a light lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that was needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a movie while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while.I also did some more personal PC work and did some recommended readings of the Holy Bible and some stuff that I have also been studying.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,but it is still a very difficult road.I am still having to put up with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.I don't know which days that I will be up or which days that I will be down.Aside from that,I also have to endure the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.I have to put up with hearing things that nobody else hears.The worst part is not really putting up with the symptoms of each of these disorders.The worst part is putting up with the ignorance of the public who have a lot of nasty things to say about those who have to endure and suffer mental illness.The public continually calls us names like freak,freakazoid,crazy,stupid,airhead and lots of other nsaty names.I wish that the public wouldn't be so ignorant when it comes to us mentally ill people.It isn't our faults why we have these things.You all need to understand that though we have these mental illnesses,we are still people like the rest of you are and we are also still human like the rest of you are.I still continue to attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I really had to fight this as I did give in yesterday in the wee early morning hours.I didn't want to give in a second consecutive time.I am always continuing to keep in mind that masturbation will never give me what I want and need nor will it fulfill my needs in any way,shape or form as masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity.I will just have to stay strong and use all the strength that I have to continue to resist.Thanks in advance for any ideas or suggestions.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the pastor of the church and I will also be attending a charity spaghetti dinner tomorrow at the church.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,despite some minor issue with the browser's inability to connect with Yahoo,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the post office to purchase a money order and I sent it out as payment on a bill that needed to be sent out.After that was done,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my Best Buy credit card bill in person.After that was paid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after that,I did some required Holy Bible readings and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward despite a rocky road.I have bipolar depression and I never know how my mood will be one day or the next.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride and I never know when it will stall.I am always putting up with the up and down emotional ride and it is always a difficult one.If having bipolar depression wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.The only thing that I can continue to do is continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that somewhere down the line,my recovery will start improving and I will feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.I just grabbed myself and I started to masturbate until I ejaculated.After it was all over,I felt really miserable and I had to get up and clean myself after it all.I really felt terrible after giving into this latest episode.It was in the wee early morning hours and I was still feeling tired.I just gave in and after it was over,I felt lousy.In the past,I admit,I used to feel better after masturbating as it did feel good to do it.But now,since my priorities have changed,I now feel miserable as I now know that masturbation will never give me what I want.Masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness nor will it affirm my gender identity and it won't give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and distance myself from.I no longer want to be a Homosexual and I don't want to find members of my own gender sexually attractive any longer.I want to start feeling like A MAN because that is what I am.I want to act,react and think like a man does in the proper way.Again,though I have gotten a suggestion from a follower and I am applying that,I am still open to anything from anyone else who reads and/or follows.Thanks in advance for anything.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and now,I have changed my routine to having three cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I only had a small thing planned today and I wanted to get it done.
I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still moves on,but it is still a rocky road indeed.I have bipolar depression and you can never tell when you are going to feel up and good or when you are going to feel down and bad.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride where nobody can predict how they are going to feel one day or the next.On certain days,I feel good and on other days,no so good.I just have to hold on and just do what I can to endure this stuff and stay living.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.I have to contend with hearing things like voices,sounds and other things that nobody else can hear or try to comprehend.It isn't easy dealing with this double whammy of problems,as well as trying to hold onto reality and try to be as realistic as possible.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I will continue to hold onto the hope that my recovery will start improving in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened again by another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really and aggressively toss and turn until the erection died down.This erection was really a hard one and resistance was really difficult.But I managed to resist and I didn't give in.Though I escaped this one,I know that I will be tempted again as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to stay strong and continue to use all the strength that I can muster to resist the temptation to masturbate or to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to have sexual activity with.I did receive one suggestion from one of my blog followers and I have been using this suggestion.I am still open to any more and if anyone out there can help,I would appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have not made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and this time,I had three cups of coffee because I really needed to wake up.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I had a group that I needed to attend today and I was looking forward to that.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that were needed for the house.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward.But I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the emotional roller coaster ride that it gives me.I really don't know how I am going to feel day in or day out or even day by day.One day,I can be feeling good.But the next day,I can feel down.If dealing with the symptoms of bipolar depression weren't bad enough,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.Still,the only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I can only hope that my recovery will start to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I was really tempted to masturbate the erection away as I have done in the past when I did get an erection.I had to really aggressively toss and turn around until the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I need to keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating or other ways,other than seeking a male partner out,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep fighting all the temptations when they come and use all the strength that I can muster to continually resist the temptation.Though I have been using a suggestion that was given to me by a follower,I am still open to any other suggestions.Thanks in advance for sharing.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up to head over to the church for the morning Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with everyone before and after the worship service.After it was all finished,I headed straight home and stayed there because there was really nothing more to do as a result of the rainy weather we were having.For me,going to church every Sunday morning makes the whole day eventful.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after putting on some casual clothes,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch and watched a DVD while relaxing afterwards.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues forward although it is still rocky.Then again,when you have bipolar depression,like myself,the road to recovery will usually be rocky.I have to continually tolerate all the emotional ups and downs like I am on a roller coaster that just can't seem to make up it's mind as if it wants to go either up or even down.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside it.I still hear things and sounds that nobody else hears.It is really a difficult thing to go through.I am always looking over my shoulder while I am walking anywhere and whenever I do,I usually hear things like footsteps or somebody calling my name,but when I turn around,there is nobody there.I have to continually put up with all of this difficulty.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away,but chose to fight it instead.I tossed and turned repeatedly and very aggressively until the erection died down.The fight to resist temptation is never an easy one at all.I only resist because in my case,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from.I don't want to act out in any way as acting out will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I want to feel like a whole man as that is what I am and that I was born to be.I want to feel like a whole man and be a man among men.Though I escaped this temptation,I still keep in mind that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Though I did receive some wonderful advice from a follower,I am still open to any other ideas or suggestions.Thanks for sharing them.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ