Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,despite some minor issue with the browser's inability to connect with Yahoo,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the post office to purchase a money order and I sent it out as payment on a bill that needed to be sent out.After that was done,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my Best Buy credit card bill in person.After that was paid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after that,I did some required Holy Bible readings and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward despite a rocky road.I have bipolar depression and I never know how my mood will be one day or the next.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride and I never know when it will stall.I am always putting up with the up and down emotional ride and it is always a difficult one.If having bipolar depression wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.The only thing that I can continue to do is continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that somewhere down the line,my recovery will start improving and I will feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.I just grabbed myself and I started to masturbate until I ejaculated.After it was all over,I felt really miserable and I had to get up and clean myself after it all.I really felt terrible after giving into this latest episode.It was in the wee early morning hours and I was still feeling tired.I just gave in and after it was over,I felt lousy.In the past,I admit,I used to feel better after masturbating as it did feel good to do it.But now,since my priorities have changed,I now feel miserable as I now know that masturbation will never give me what I want.Masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness nor will it affirm my gender identity and it won't give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and distance myself from.I no longer want to be a Homosexual and I don't want to find members of my own gender sexually attractive any longer.I want to start feeling like A MAN because that is what I am.I want to act,react and think like a man does in the proper way.Again,though I have gotten a suggestion from a follower and I am applying that,I am still open to anything from anyone else who reads and/or follows.Thanks in advance for anything.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ