Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up to head over to the church for the morning Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with everyone before and after the worship service.After it was all finished,I headed straight home and stayed there because there was really nothing more to do as a result of the rainy weather we were having.For me,going to church every Sunday morning makes the whole day eventful.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after putting on some casual clothes,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch and watched a DVD while relaxing afterwards.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues forward although it is still rocky.Then again,when you have bipolar depression,like myself,the road to recovery will usually be rocky.I have to continually tolerate all the emotional ups and downs like I am on a roller coaster that just can't seem to make up it's mind as if it wants to go either up or even down.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside it.I still hear things and sounds that nobody else hears.It is really a difficult thing to go through.I am always looking over my shoulder while I am walking anywhere and whenever I do,I usually hear things like footsteps or somebody calling my name,but when I turn around,there is nobody there.I have to continually put up with all of this difficulty.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away,but chose to fight it instead.I tossed and turned repeatedly and very aggressively until the erection died down.The fight to resist temptation is never an easy one at all.I only resist because in my case,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from.I don't want to act out in any way as acting out will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I want to feel like a whole man as that is what I am and that I was born to be.I want to feel like a whole man and be a man among men.Though I escaped this temptation,I still keep in mind that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Though I did receive some wonderful advice from a follower,I am still open to any other ideas or suggestions.Thanks for sharing them.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ