Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I only had a few things planned.I first went to Best Buy to pay on my credit card and after that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,is battling the symptoms of BPD,the road is never an easy one.I have to put up with being on a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know if I will be up or down on certain days or if it will be on the same day where I am feeling up and good one minute and down and not so good the next.At times,it can be and feel unbearable.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult to endure.The only things that I can do is continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one day,I will feel good and continue to feel good for a while rather than this dreaded continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection that was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I had to really toss and turn to get rid of this erection and when that didn't work,I had to get up and walk to the bathroom to use it and while I did that,the erection died down.I went back to sleep shortly afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I am still having to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out,no matter what form of it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to put up with the temptations to act out as they come and believe me,the struggle to fight and resist these temptations is a very difficult one.I still get tempted to watch porn and also,I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual relations with them.When that latter temptations starts to occur,I simply choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that particular temptation as acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I so desperately need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I seek to have healthy affirming relationships with my fellow men in the forms of close friendships that can lead to closeness,bonding and connecting with them in a healthy and authentic way.The only love that a man can give another man is brotherly love and that love is non-sexual and very real and affirming.As I have stated before,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue resisting these temptations that I keep getting.I know that being tempted isn't sinful,but giving into the temptations are sinful.If anyone is reading these posts and has any ideas on how I can continue to stay strong,please share them.I am open to anything that is encouraging and supportive.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow morning,it is church as usual and the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it give me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things to do today.I simply stayed close to home so I could be near my mom whenever she would need me.She hasn't been feeling well as of late and I just wanted to be near her whenever she would need me for anything.I simply ran a few errands close to home and just stayed local just in case she would need me for anything.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that we needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Sears to pick up something for myself.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,the road is still a very rough and rocky one.Then again,when one,like myself,struggles with BPD,it is never an easy one.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or down as I go on my day to day life.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day where I am up one minute and I am down the next minute.It is always a very difficult struggle and it never gets easier.Aside from the BPD,I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.Despite that,I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will feel good for a long while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another morning erection.This also was another throbbing erection.My temptation to masturbate are strongest when I have an erection in the wee early morning hours.I had to really fight his overwhelming temptation.The erection was also painful as I was breathing heavily to try and resist that temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.I had to get up and walk about and head for the bathroom because I had to use it.As I was walking there,the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped that episode this morning,I still have to put up with the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have whenever the temptation comes.The temptation does vary as it can be to masturbate,watch porn or going out to seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.The third temptation is the most common for me as it happens on a daily basis.When that temptation occurs,I simply choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.The other two are my main problem areas as they are the most difficult to resist for me.The temptation to act out,regardless of what type of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually endure these temptations as these unnatural desires that I have can get really strong.In the past,I used to indulge in sinful sexual activity when the opportunity presented itself to me as that was way of coping with the unnatural desires during that time.But now,my priorities have changed and since I know the truth about Homosexuality and it's root cause and contributors,I no longer want to be a part of that sinful sexual lifestyle that a lot of men with these desires have chosen to live rather than search with themselves to find out what was the root cause and what possible contributors had led them to acquire this identity.I have read the books and I am a member of many online support groups that help many men,such as myself,overcome these unnatural desires.Though I have those resources,I am always wanting more.If anyone out there can offer any encouraging words that will support me in my endeavors to overcome these things,please share and I will try to the best of my strength to put these to work for me.I no longer want to reinforce the Homosexual identity because that is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I only want to reinforce my true identity,which is male and because I am a man and a member of the male sex,that is the only identity that I want to reinforce.I will never accept no other identity other than the male identity,which is what I am and I am nothing else other than a human being.Again,any encouraging words in the forms of advice and/or suggestions are truly welcomed.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things to do today.I simply stayed close to home so I could be near my mom whenever she would need me.She hasn't been feeling well as of late and I just wanted to be near her whenever she would need me for anything.I simply ran a few errands close to home and just stayed local just in case she would need me for anything.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that we needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Sears to pick up something for myself.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,the road is still a very rough and rocky one.Then again,when one,like myself,struggles with BPD,it is never an easy one.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or down as I go on my day to day life.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day where I am up one minute and I am down the next minute.It is always a very difficult struggle and it never gets easier.Aside from the BPD,I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.Despite that,I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will feel good for a long while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another morning erection.This also was another throbbing erection.My temptation to masturbate are strongest when I have an erection in the wee early morning hours.I had to really fight his overwhelming temptation.The erection was also painful as I was breathing heavily to try and resist that temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.I had to get up and walk about and head for the bathroom because I had to use it.As I was walking there,the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped that episode this morning,I still have to put up with the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have whenever the temptation comes.The temptation does vary as it can be to masturbate,watch porn or going out to seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.The third temptation is the most common for me as it happens on a daily basis.When that temptation occurs,I simply choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.The other two are my main problem areas as they are the most difficult to resist for me.The temptation to act out,regardless of what type of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually endure these temptations as these unnatural desires that I have can get really strong.In the past,I used to indulge in sinful sexual activity when the opportunity presented itself to me as that was way of coping with the unnatural desires during that time.But now,my priorities have changed and since I know the truth about Homosexuality and it's root cause and contributors,I no longer want to be a part of that sinful sexual lifestyle that a lot of men with these desires have chosen to live rather than search with themselves to find out what was the root cause and what possible contributors had led them to acquire this identity.I have read the books and I am a member of many online support groups that help many men,such as myself,overcome these unnatural desires.Though I have those resources,I am always wanting more.If anyone out there can offer any encouraging words that will support me in my endeavors to overcome these things,please share and I will try to the best of my strength to put these to work for me.I no longer want to reinforce the Homosexual identity because that is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I only want to reinforce my true identity,which is male and because I am a man and a member of the male sex,that is the only identity that I want to reinforce.I will never accept no other identity other than the male identity,which is what I am and I am nothing else other than a human being.Again,any encouraging words in the forms of advice and/or suggestions are truly welcomed.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though the road is a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did part of my personal PC work as I had to rush to get ready for my Thursday morning spirituality group as I was looking forward to that.After I was done with that partial PC work,I got dressed and headed over to the group.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch.After eating,I headed for a nearby post office to mail out something important.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed back out again to pick up something that my mom needed.After that was paid for,I headed over to a local bargain outlet store to pick up a couple of things for myself.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally finished all of my personal PC work.I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.Day after day,I am struggling with BPD and its symptoms.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.It sometimes also happens within the same day.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at the same time.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I really had to fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning and it didn't work.The temptation was so overwhelming that I was breathing heavily as the erection was painful and was also a throbbing one.I started to get up and walk around briefly and as I was doing this,the erection started to soften.After it softened,I simply went back to sleep and I slept for several more hours.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation has been really overwhelming me as of late.I have been in the fight to resist these temptations for quite some time now and they have been wearing me out.I am trying to stay strong and using all of what I have got to stay strong in the face of temptation,but it has been extremely difficult.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.Aside from that,I even get tempted to watch pornography and that is another extremely difficult temptation to resist.I know that being tempted isn't a sin,but giving into the temptation is a sin.I am still seeking help and support from everyone who reads this blog of mine.I am really desperate.To all of those who visit this blog,please leave some encouraging words and helpful advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong as I want to know what has worked for you and how it worked for you.Please share.Don't just read the posts and leave.Please share something that will encourage me and will help me to stay strong.Thanks in advance for anything left.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did part of my personal PC work as I had to rush to get ready for my Thursday morning spirituality group as I was looking forward to that.After I was done with that partial PC work,I got dressed and headed over to the group.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch.After eating,I headed for a nearby post office to mail out something important.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed back out again to pick up something that my mom needed.After that was paid for,I headed over to a local bargain outlet store to pick up a couple of things for myself.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally finished all of my personal PC work.I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.Day after day,I am struggling with BPD and its symptoms.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.It sometimes also happens within the same day.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at the same time.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I really had to fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning and it didn't work.The temptation was so overwhelming that I was breathing heavily as the erection was painful and was also a throbbing one.I started to get up and walk around briefly and as I was doing this,the erection started to soften.After it softened,I simply went back to sleep and I slept for several more hours.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation has been really overwhelming me as of late.I have been in the fight to resist these temptations for quite some time now and they have been wearing me out.I am trying to stay strong and using all of what I have got to stay strong in the face of temptation,but it has been extremely difficult.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.Aside from that,I even get tempted to watch pornography and that is another extremely difficult temptation to resist.I know that being tempted isn't a sin,but giving into the temptation is a sin.I am still seeking help and support from everyone who reads this blog of mine.I am really desperate.To all of those who visit this blog,please leave some encouraging words and helpful advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong as I want to know what has worked for you and how it worked for you.Please share.Don't just read the posts and leave.Please share something that will encourage me and will help me to stay strong.Thanks in advance for anything left.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the bank to get some change from a twenty dollar bill that I had.After getting the change,I headed back home to register all of the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed over to the post office to send out a money order for an item that I am purchasing on layaway through the mail.After sending out that money order,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a light lunch and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to move forward,I am still putting up and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is always a very difficult thing to deal with.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I never know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult and also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medications as directed.I am just hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection that was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight the overwhelming urge to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and walk around for a while and I had to use the bathroom.As I was doing all of that,the erection died down and after I was finished in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my strength as a result of these temptations.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say again,I willfully choose to stay home rather than satisfy or feed that temptation.I also get tempted to watch pornography on a daily basis as well and that is a very difficult temptation to resist as pornography is now everywhere as a result of the internet.Again,if anyone out there is reading these posts that I am submitting and checking out my blog regularly,I encourage you to please post an encouraging word to me and also,please share whatever advice and/or suggestions that you may have to offer.I am open to anything.Please share what has worked for you and how it worked for you.I am really desperate here as I really want to resist these temptations that I have and I don't want to act out on the unnatural desires that I have,which are what the temptations are all about.Please help me.I would greatly and lovingly appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and also,I will have lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the bank to get some change from a twenty dollar bill that I had.After getting the change,I headed back home to register all of the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed over to the post office to send out a money order for an item that I am purchasing on layaway through the mail.After sending out that money order,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a light lunch and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to move forward,I am still putting up and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is always a very difficult thing to deal with.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I never know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult and also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medications as directed.I am just hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection that was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight the overwhelming urge to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and walk around for a while and I had to use the bathroom.As I was doing all of that,the erection died down and after I was finished in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my strength as a result of these temptations.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say again,I willfully choose to stay home rather than satisfy or feed that temptation.I also get tempted to watch pornography on a daily basis as well and that is a very difficult temptation to resist as pornography is now everywhere as a result of the internet.Again,if anyone out there is reading these posts that I am submitting and checking out my blog regularly,I encourage you to please post an encouraging word to me and also,please share whatever advice and/or suggestions that you may have to offer.I am open to anything.Please share what has worked for you and how it worked for you.I am really desperate here as I really want to resist these temptations that I have and I don't want to act out on the unnatural desires that I have,which are what the temptations are all about.Please help me.I would greatly and lovingly appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and also,I will have lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to a friend of mom's house to pick up something for my mom and after that was done,I headed to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things for my mom.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,although the road is still a rough and rocky one at times.It goes with the territory of having BPD.I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride where one day I might be up and feeling good while the next day,down and feeling not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well and that makes my struggles with BPD and SSA even more difficult.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel better for quite a while rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened yet again by another erection.It was also another throbbing erection.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate this erection away.I simply got up and walked for a bit and used the bathroom and while doing that,the erection died down.I simply went back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can come in any form.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them,but as I have said previously,I choose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.Acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need and want.It also won't affirm my gender identity nor make me feel authentic.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.Again,I am appealing to those who do stop by my blog to read what I have posted.Please post some words of encouragement to me and also,anything that can help give me strength to continually resist the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have.I would really appreciate anything given.Thanks in advance.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to a friend of mom's house to pick up something for my mom and after that was done,I headed to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things for my mom.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,although the road is still a rough and rocky one at times.It goes with the territory of having BPD.I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride where one day I might be up and feeling good while the next day,down and feeling not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well and that makes my struggles with BPD and SSA even more difficult.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel better for quite a while rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened yet again by another erection.It was also another throbbing erection.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate this erection away.I simply got up and walked for a bit and used the bathroom and while doing that,the erection died down.I simply went back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can come in any form.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them,but as I have said previously,I choose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.Acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter form of acting out it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need and want.It also won't affirm my gender identity nor make me feel authentic.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.Again,I am appealing to those who do stop by my blog to read what I have posted.Please post some words of encouragement to me and also,anything that can help give me strength to continually resist the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have.I would really appreciate anything given.Thanks in advance.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, June 11, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,despite the road being rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I got up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first attended my usual Monday online recovery resources group and since I missed it last week due to battling the common cold,I was looking forward to this meeting with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping to get quite a bit out of it.
The meeting went great.After the meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local convenience store to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still on that rough and rocky road.Then again,I have BPD and the road to recovery is never easy.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and it really is a tough one.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.It sometimes happens all in the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult and even makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving and I will start feeling good for quite a while instead of always being on this emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.While it wasn't as stiff as the previous ones nor did it throb as much,it was still a very overwhelming temptation.I had to fight this temptation as it was really tough as I was still feeling sleepy and tired.I started to get up and when I did,that is when the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I really need some help here everyone.I am still continuing to be tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I don't want to.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful and unnatural sexual with them,but as I have said previously,I choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that particular temptation as it will never give me what I want or so desperately need.The temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can be very powerful and overwhelming.I am stil desperately seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue to stay strong when the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires rears it's ugly head.Please help me everyone as I am really desperate here.Many of you visit and read the posts,but nobody comments or leaves anything encouraging.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I got up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first attended my usual Monday online recovery resources group and since I missed it last week due to battling the common cold,I was looking forward to this meeting with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping to get quite a bit out of it.
The meeting went great.After the meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local convenience store to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still on that rough and rocky road.Then again,I have BPD and the road to recovery is never easy.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and it really is a tough one.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.It sometimes happens all in the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult and even makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving and I will start feeling good for quite a while instead of always being on this emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.While it wasn't as stiff as the previous ones nor did it throb as much,it was still a very overwhelming temptation.I had to fight this temptation as it was really tough as I was still feeling sleepy and tired.I started to get up and when I did,that is when the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I really need some help here everyone.I am still continuing to be tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I don't want to.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful and unnatural sexual with them,but as I have said previously,I choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that particular temptation as it will never give me what I want or so desperately need.The temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can be very powerful and overwhelming.I am stil desperately seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue to stay strong when the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires rears it's ugly head.Please help me everyone as I am really desperate here.Many of you visit and read the posts,but nobody comments or leaves anything encouraging.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I has my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.I headed there looking forward to attending as I always do.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into casual clothes.I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to get my mom something that she needed.After paying for that,I went to a local pizzeria to have a quick lunch.After lunch,I stopped at a nearby 7-Eleven to have a sugar free Super Mango slurpee.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when one,like myself,has BPD,it is a very difficult road to be on.I have to continually put up with being on a constant emotional roller coaster ride and I really don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult to deal with.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will feel pretty good for a long while instead of this blasted emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to get up and walk to the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection died down.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually put up with temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I still get tempted on a daily basis to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that sort of temptation.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want and so desperately need,like affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also want to have healthy relationships with my fellow men in the forms of real friendships and male bonding and not anything sexual with them as that is not only unnatural and sinful,but it is also inappropriate.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I know that he never intended me to be anything but a man as I am a member of the male sex and my gender identity is male.I know that he never intended me to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such activity.I am still desperately seeking any words of encouragement,advice and/or suggestions on how I can keep fighting temptation.I know that there are plenty of readers of my blog,but nobody ever leaves anything encouraging or anything that can help benefit me in the long run.Please don't be shy.If anyone out there has anything that they would like to share in teh form of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to stay strong in the face of temptation,please share.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope it give me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I has my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.I headed there looking forward to attending as I always do.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into casual clothes.I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to get my mom something that she needed.After paying for that,I went to a local pizzeria to have a quick lunch.After lunch,I stopped at a nearby 7-Eleven to have a sugar free Super Mango slurpee.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when one,like myself,has BPD,it is a very difficult road to be on.I have to continually put up with being on a constant emotional roller coaster ride and I really don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult to deal with.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will feel pretty good for a long while instead of this blasted emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to get up and walk to the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection died down.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually put up with temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I still get tempted on a daily basis to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that sort of temptation.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want and so desperately need,like affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also want to have healthy relationships with my fellow men in the forms of real friendships and male bonding and not anything sexual with them as that is not only unnatural and sinful,but it is also inappropriate.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I know that he never intended me to be anything but a man as I am a member of the male sex and my gender identity is male.I know that he never intended me to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such activity.I am still desperately seeking any words of encouragement,advice and/or suggestions on how I can keep fighting temptation.I know that there are plenty of readers of my blog,but nobody ever leaves anything encouraging or anything that can help benefit me in the long run.Please don't be shy.If anyone out there has anything that they would like to share in teh form of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to stay strong in the face of temptation,please share.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope it give me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)