Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I has my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.I headed there looking forward to attending as I always do.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into casual clothes.I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to get my mom something that she needed.After paying for that,I went to a local pizzeria to have a quick lunch.After lunch,I stopped at a nearby 7-Eleven to have a sugar free Super Mango slurpee.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when one,like myself,has BPD,it is a very difficult road to be on.I have to continually put up with being on a constant emotional roller coaster ride and I really don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult to deal with.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will feel pretty good for a long while instead of this blasted emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to get up and walk to the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection died down.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually put up with temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I still get tempted on a daily basis to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that sort of temptation.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want and so desperately need,like affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also want to have healthy relationships with my fellow men in the forms of real friendships and male bonding and not anything sexual with them as that is not only unnatural and sinful,but it is also inappropriate.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I know that he never intended me to be anything but a man as I am a member of the male sex and my gender identity is male.I know that he never intended me to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such activity.I am still desperately seeking any words of encouragement,advice and/or suggestions on how I can keep fighting temptation.I know that there are plenty of readers of my blog,but nobody ever leaves anything encouraging or anything that can help benefit me in the long run.Please don't be shy.If anyone out there has anything that they would like to share in teh form of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to stay strong in the face of temptation,please share.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope it give me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ