Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the bank to get some change from a twenty dollar bill that I had.After getting the change,I headed back home to register all of the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed over to the post office to send out a money order for an item that I am purchasing on layaway through the mail.After sending out that money order,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a light lunch and afterwards,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to move forward,I am still putting up and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is always a very difficult thing to deal with.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I never know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult and also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medications as directed.I am just hoping that someday soon,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection that was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight the overwhelming urge to masturbate the erection away.I tried tossing and turning,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and walk around for a while and I had to use the bathroom.As I was doing all of that,the erection died down and after I was finished in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my strength as a result of these temptations.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say again,I willfully choose to stay home rather than satisfy or feed that temptation.I also get tempted to watch pornography on a daily basis as well and that is a very difficult temptation to resist as pornography is now everywhere as a result of the internet.Again,if anyone out there is reading these posts that I am submitting and checking out my blog regularly,I encourage you to please post an encouraging word to me and also,please share whatever advice and/or suggestions that you may have to offer.I am open to anything.Please share what has worked for you and how it worked for you.I am really desperate here as I really want to resist these temptations that I have and I don't want to act out on the unnatural desires that I have,which are what the temptations are all about.Please help me.I would greatly and lovingly appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and also,I will have lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ