Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my usual personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things that I needed to get done.I first went to the local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things for my mom and after paying for them< I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply had a light lunch and after that,I headed back out again to do a couple more important things.
I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up a light snack and something to drink with it.After finishing the snack,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I even did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move on,though the road is still and rough and rocky one.Then again,it is never easy putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride and the other various symptoms of BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I can never predict that.It is just that the roller coaster ride that goes with the territory can get pretty monotonous and tiresome at times.As I have stated before,one day,I can be up and feeling good while on another day,down and feeling not so good.Sometimes,it happens in one day.Apart from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier at all,either.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I hope that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start to feel good for a while rather than this dreaded emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection twice.The first time,I had to get up and use the bathroom and while going there,the erection died down and after I was finished in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.The second time,I simply turned to my right side and the erection died down and again,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I know that the temptation to act out in every way can rear it's ugly head when least expected.When this happens,I have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape,flee and distance myself from.I don't want to have anything sexual with any man.I want to be accepted and affirmed by my fellow man.I also want to relate,identify and connect with my fellow man in a healthy authentic way.My needs are basically emotional needs that need to be fulfilled in healthy and authentic ways and sexual activity will only distance myself from fulfilling those needs in a healthy and authentic way.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires have really been overwhelming me as of late.I still get tempted to go out and seek other male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but again,I simply stay home and willfully refuse to feed or satisfy that temptation as that really isn't what I want to do.Though I did receive some helpful advice and I am trying my hardest to apply it,I am still open to any more advice and/or suggestion as to what has worked for others who have been in the same predicament that I am in.Thanks in advance for anything.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.Aside from this,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I managed to wake up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things planned.
I first had to go to the repair garage to get my electronic sensor replaced to turn off the Check Engine light.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things needed for dinner.After paying for those articles,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some personal items.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff away in their proper places and afterwards,I did my personal PC work.
After my PC work was done,I headed back out again to pick up a can of Spaghettios from a local Dollar Tree store.I headed straight home after paying for it.
After getting home,I heated up the can in the microwave and that was my lunch.After cleaning the dish,I headed back out again to get a light snack at another local supermarket and after that,I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up something to drink.After eating the snack and finishing the drink in the car,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got ready for my meeting with the church pastor and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as I usually do.
The meeting went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work,alongside some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move through,though the road is still a rocky one indeed.Then again,when one,like myself,struggles with the BPD and it's symptoms and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is usually a very difficult thing to deal and struggle with.One day,I could be up and feeling good,but the next day,down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens in one day where one minute I can be feeling good,but the next minute,feeling not so good.Aside from that emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for quite a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.The temptation to masturbate it away was really overwhelming and it was also stronger than yesterday's temptation.This time,I simply turned to my right and the erection died down and I fell back asleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continue to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I simply stay home and choose not to feed or even satisfy this temptation.The road to overcoming SSA is a very difficult one indeed.I am still seeking advice from people who follow my blog on what has worked for them and how and why it worked.I am still applying the advice that a fellow follower gave,but I am still open to any new suggestions or advice.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for the weekend,with the exception of attending church,which includes attending the Holy Bible study class before the worship service,I haven't really made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives me are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After the group was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rocky one indeed.It is never easy when you are someone struggling with BPD.It is always difficult dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.One day,I can be up and feeling good,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it can get monotonous.There are times that I feel like nothing at all and there are times when I feel like there is something there,but nothing comes of it.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.It also was another throbbing one.The temptation to masturbate the erection away was really overwhelming,but I fought it.I had to get up and use the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep for a while because a few hours later,it would have been time for me to get up anyway.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation is a very fickle thing.The more you try to resist and fight the temptation,the more stronger the temptation becomes.It just keeps getting stronger the more resistance that anyone puts up.I also get tempted to act out in other ways,especially in the one crucial area where I get the temptation to go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with him,but I simply stay home whenever that type of temptation comes around as I willfully refuse to feed it or satisfy it.I do get tempted into indulging in fantasy,but if I ever do get that,I try to change my frame of mind and try to think of other positive wholesome things,though it isn't easy.I still have to keep in mind that acting out will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more in regards to sexual activity and that type of thing can lead to AIDS,which is something that I don't want as AIDS is incurable and can kill.Plus,it will only keep me even further away from satisfying my same sex emotional needs,such as gender identity affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Again,I did get some great advice from a fellow follower of my blog here and I am putting it to good use to the best of my abilities,I am still open to any other forms of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to resist any temptation and continue to stay strong when it comes around.Thanks in advance for anything offered or shared.
Tomorrow,I have to get my car fixed in the early morning hours and in the late afternoon,I have an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church.Aside from those things,I have made no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first headed over to the repair garage as my check engine light in my car was now frozen on and wasn't going off.They simply checked it out to see what the problem is and how much it might cost and since no work was done,I headed for home.I have to bring the car in on Friday morning and they will do the work then.It is going to be a very expensive job and I will be glad to get it fixed.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward despite the road being rough and rocky.I still,on a daily basis,have to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD.I have to continually put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.As I have shared before and I will share again.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good,but on others down and not so good.There are times when this happens all in one day where I can be up and feeling good one minute,but down and not so good the next.It is always a difficult struggle indeed.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that also makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while and not be on this roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a throbbing erection.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one indeed.I tossed and turned,but it wasn't working.I discovered that I had to use the bathroom and so I walked to the bathroom and that is when the erection started to soften.I used the bathroom and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating,be it emotional or sexual,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful when these temptations roll around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape from.I don't want to reinforce nor do I want to be a Homosexual.The main reason is that God never intended men to be Homosexual as his word,the Holy Bible,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.He intended all of us,be they male or female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals as that what God intended sexuality to be and not what the world intended it for at all.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't give in to nor feed or satisfy that temptation as acting out will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I need to have real male friends where the friendships can lead to healthy bonding and positive friendship connections where I can relate,identify and connect with other men in a healthy and authentic way where I can feel like a man and put me on the road to attaining my lost maleness and to finally be the man that God intended me to be.Again,though I did get some helpful advice from a follower and I am putting it to good use,I am still seeking even more helpful advice and suggestions from anyone else who follows or reads my blog.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am hoping to get an awful lot out of it.As for the rest of the day,I Haven't made any other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first had to drop off something at one of my mom's friends houses.I also had to drop off some stuff at other people's houses as well.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward and the road is still a rocky one.Then again,when a person,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.On one day,I can be up and feeling good while the next day I can be down and feeling not so good.It is always a huge emotional put downer and also,a very stressful thing to go through.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It really makes the struggle even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel better for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for the second consecutive time by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I had another morning erection.I really felt miserable after this fall and I was just depressed and not feeling so good at all.I mean,I am trying to resist the temptation to act out on my unnatural desires and I wind up giving into them by masturbating an erection away.Again,I really felt miserable and I just felt like that I have gone too far.But I am still going to stay in the fight as I am not giving up.This was just a fall and I need to pick myself up and start all over again.A fall isn't the end of the world,though at times,it does feel like that.I need to get my mind on positive and spiritual things and get my mind off of sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am still.on a daily basis,getting tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out in a sexual manner with them,but I simply choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation.Acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and not fulfill any of my same sex emotional needs.I need to have positive reinforcement of my same sex emotional needs and not negative reinforcement.The only way that I can get this positive reinforcement is to simply have positive relationships with members of my own gender in the forms of friendships,male bonding,relating and identifying with my fellow men and connecting with them in a healthy authentic way to get my same sex emotional needs fulfilled.Acting out will only keep me as far away from fulfillment of those needs and again,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I am determined to be that man that God intended me to be.I don't want to be a Homosexual and I no longer want to have these desires.Though I am putting advice from a follower to heart and I am applying it to the best of my ability,I am still eager for even more advice or suggestions as they are all very much welcomed.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though rough and rocky,marches on.I have a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to my online recovery resources group and that went well.After that was over,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while,including some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward,but it is a rough and rocky road that I am on.It isn't easy struggling with BPD and it's symptoms.It is also not easy dealing and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I am going to be down and not so good.This is never a very easy road to recover from and it is never an easy thing to deal with.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have.Those tendencies make my struggles even more difficult to deal with,including my struggles with SSA.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping,and I am going to continue holding on to the hope,that my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a while instead of the emotional roller coaster that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating when I had an erection.It really brought me down.I felt so terrible about giving into this dirty and unclean habit.I fell and it made me miserable.I need to get my mind off anything sexual with men.I need to think of other things that are beneficial for my growth spiritually and my growth emotionally instead of sexual activity with other guys.This morning,the fall was emotional as I had an erection that awoke me out of a deep sleep and there was nothing sexual involved in thought or actuality.But my mind is still continuously preoccupied with sexual images of men and thoughts of acting out sexually with other men.I need as well as want to get these unnatural and sinful thoughts out of my mind.I want to think of pure thought about men by thinking of men as spiritual brothers and that each and every man is a mirrored image of each other.Men are incompatible as sexual partners as men created man and woman in regards to sexuality and never intended for sexuality to be the way that the rest of the world thinks it is,including Homosexual sexual activity and it's equivalents.God intended for all of us to be Heterosexual as he did create man and woman for a reason.Again,I still get the temptation to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before and I will say again,I don't give in nor do I feed or satisfy that temptation.Also again,I need and want to take my mind off of anything sexual with other men and need and want to think of men as brothers and that the only right manly love is brotherly love.Though I am putting into practice the advice that I got from a fellow follower,I still need even more advice or suggestions from others on how I can get my mind off of anything sexual and think only pure and natural thoughts of my fellow spiritual brothers.Thanks in advance for anything shared and given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out in the world everywhere.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to march forward,though the road is still rough.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as I got a lot out of both of them.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.After dropping something off at the neighbor's house,I had myself some lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.
Since today was Mother's Day and there wasn't anything for me to do,I simply relaxed for a while and popped a DVD in.My sister was over for much of the day and I just relaxed and watched the movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,my mom and I watched a special TV program on that we had been waiting all week to see.I did watch the evening news a little later.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues marching forward,but the road is still rough and rocky all around.Then again,when someone,like myself,suffers and struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one,as it is always difficult.I am continually putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I can be up and feeling good one day and I could be down and not so good the next.Sometimes,it happens on the same day when I can be feeling good and up one minute and down and not so good the next.It is never easy.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only thing that I can continue doing is to still continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I had to really fight this temptation as each and every temptation to masturbate gets even stronger whenever I get an erection during the wee early morning hours.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work as the erection continued to throb.I simply got up and headed for the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and when I reached the bathroom,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished in the bathroom.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural SSA desires that I have can rear it's ugly head before I even realize that it's there.I will just have to keep fighting these urges when they do try to overtake me.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need.It will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor will it give me any feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Aside from the temptation to masturbate any erections away,I still get tempted to act out in other ways.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out to act out sexually with them,but I don't fulfill nor feed that temptation.Whenever that temptation starts to rare it's ugly head,I choose to stay home instead of going out as I know that it will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what type of that it is,will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more until it becomes and addiction as well as an obsession.Acting out will never connect me with my lost maleness in any way.I still have to continually seek out real male friends and simply learn from them.Regarding the male friends,I simply want to relate,identify and connect in a healthy authentic way with other men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.Plus,God never intended for men to be Homosexual as he intended each and every man to be Heterosexual as that what he intended sexuality to be and he also created woman for a reason.Though I am still applying the advice that one follower of my blog did share and I am putting the advice to good use,I am still open to any suggestions or any advice on how I can continue to resist these temptations.Anything said and shared is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Monday afternoon recovery group.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ