Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After the group was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rocky one indeed.It is never easy when you are someone struggling with BPD.It is always difficult dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.One day,I can be up and feeling good,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it can get monotonous.There are times that I feel like nothing at all and there are times when I feel like there is something there,but nothing comes of it.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.It also was another throbbing one.The temptation to masturbate the erection away was really overwhelming,but I fought it.I had to get up and use the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep for a while because a few hours later,it would have been time for me to get up anyway.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation is a very fickle thing.The more you try to resist and fight the temptation,the more stronger the temptation becomes.It just keeps getting stronger the more resistance that anyone puts up.I also get tempted to act out in other ways,especially in the one crucial area where I get the temptation to go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with him,but I simply stay home whenever that type of temptation comes around as I willfully refuse to feed it or satisfy it.I do get tempted into indulging in fantasy,but if I ever do get that,I try to change my frame of mind and try to think of other positive wholesome things,though it isn't easy.I still have to keep in mind that acting out will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more in regards to sexual activity and that type of thing can lead to AIDS,which is something that I don't want as AIDS is incurable and can kill.Plus,it will only keep me even further away from satisfying my same sex emotional needs,such as gender identity affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Again,I did get some great advice from a fellow follower of my blog here and I am putting it to good use to the best of my abilities,I am still open to any other forms of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to resist any temptation and continue to stay strong when it comes around.Thanks in advance for anything offered or shared.
Tomorrow,I have to get my car fixed in the early morning hours and in the late afternoon,I have an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church.Aside from those things,I have made no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ