Tonight,my road to recovery,though rough and rocky,marches on.I have a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to my online recovery resources group and that went well.After that was over,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while,including some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward,but it is a rough and rocky road that I am on.It isn't easy struggling with BPD and it's symptoms.It is also not easy dealing and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I am going to be down and not so good.This is never a very easy road to recover from and it is never an easy thing to deal with.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have.Those tendencies make my struggles even more difficult to deal with,including my struggles with SSA.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping,and I am going to continue holding on to the hope,that my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a while instead of the emotional roller coaster that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating when I had an erection.It really brought me down.I felt so terrible about giving into this dirty and unclean habit.I fell and it made me miserable.I need to get my mind off anything sexual with men.I need to think of other things that are beneficial for my growth spiritually and my growth emotionally instead of sexual activity with other guys.This morning,the fall was emotional as I had an erection that awoke me out of a deep sleep and there was nothing sexual involved in thought or actuality.But my mind is still continuously preoccupied with sexual images of men and thoughts of acting out sexually with other men.I need as well as want to get these unnatural and sinful thoughts out of my mind.I want to think of pure thought about men by thinking of men as spiritual brothers and that each and every man is a mirrored image of each other.Men are incompatible as sexual partners as men created man and woman in regards to sexuality and never intended for sexuality to be the way that the rest of the world thinks it is,including Homosexual sexual activity and it's equivalents.God intended for all of us to be Heterosexual as he did create man and woman for a reason.Again,I still get the temptation to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before and I will say again,I don't give in nor do I feed or satisfy that temptation.Also again,I need and want to take my mind off of anything sexual with other men and need and want to think of men as brothers and that the only right manly love is brotherly love.Though I am putting into practice the advice that I got from a fellow follower,I still need even more advice or suggestions from others on how I can get my mind off of anything sexual and think only pure and natural thoughts of my fellow spiritual brothers.Thanks in advance for anything shared and given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ