Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first headed over to the repair garage as my check engine light in my car was now frozen on and wasn't going off.They simply checked it out to see what the problem is and how much it might cost and since no work was done,I headed for home.I have to bring the car in on Friday morning and they will do the work then.It is going to be a very expensive job and I will be glad to get it fixed.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward despite the road being rough and rocky.I still,on a daily basis,have to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD.I have to continually put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.As I have shared before and I will share again.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good,but on others down and not so good.There are times when this happens all in one day where I can be up and feeling good one minute,but down and not so good the next.It is always a difficult struggle indeed.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that also makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while and not be on this roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a throbbing erection.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one indeed.I tossed and turned,but it wasn't working.I discovered that I had to use the bathroom and so I walked to the bathroom and that is when the erection started to soften.I used the bathroom and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating,be it emotional or sexual,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful when these temptations roll around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape from.I don't want to reinforce nor do I want to be a Homosexual.The main reason is that God never intended men to be Homosexual as his word,the Holy Bible,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.He intended all of us,be they male or female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals as that what God intended sexuality to be and not what the world intended it for at all.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't give in to nor feed or satisfy that temptation as acting out will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I need to have real male friends where the friendships can lead to healthy bonding and positive friendship connections where I can relate,identify and connect with other men in a healthy and authentic way where I can feel like a man and put me on the road to attaining my lost maleness and to finally be the man that God intended me to be.Again,though I did get some helpful advice from a follower and I am putting it to good use,I am still seeking even more helpful advice and suggestions from anyone else who follows or reads my blog.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am hoping to get an awful lot out of it.As for the rest of the day,I Haven't made any other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ