Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first had to drop off something at one of my mom's friends houses.I also had to drop off some stuff at other people's houses as well.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward and the road is still a rocky one.Then again,when a person,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.On one day,I can be up and feeling good while the next day I can be down and feeling not so good.It is always a huge emotional put downer and also,a very stressful thing to go through.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It really makes the struggle even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel better for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for the second consecutive time by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I had another morning erection.I really felt miserable after this fall and I was just depressed and not feeling so good at all.I mean,I am trying to resist the temptation to act out on my unnatural desires and I wind up giving into them by masturbating an erection away.Again,I really felt miserable and I just felt like that I have gone too far.But I am still going to stay in the fight as I am not giving up.This was just a fall and I need to pick myself up and start all over again.A fall isn't the end of the world,though at times,it does feel like that.I need to get my mind on positive and spiritual things and get my mind off of sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am still.on a daily basis,getting tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out in a sexual manner with them,but I simply choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation.Acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and not fulfill any of my same sex emotional needs.I need to have positive reinforcement of my same sex emotional needs and not negative reinforcement.The only way that I can get this positive reinforcement is to simply have positive relationships with members of my own gender in the forms of friendships,male bonding,relating and identifying with my fellow men and connecting with them in a healthy authentic way to get my same sex emotional needs fulfilled.Acting out will only keep me as far away from fulfillment of those needs and again,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I am determined to be that man that God intended me to be.I don't want to be a Homosexual and I no longer want to have these desires.Though I am putting advice from a follower to heart and I am applying it to the best of my ability,I am still eager for even more advice or suggestions as they are all very much welcomed.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ