Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out in the world everywhere.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to march forward,though the road is still rough.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as I got a lot out of both of them.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.After dropping something off at the neighbor's house,I had myself some lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.
Since today was Mother's Day and there wasn't anything for me to do,I simply relaxed for a while and popped a DVD in.My sister was over for much of the day and I just relaxed and watched the movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,my mom and I watched a special TV program on that we had been waiting all week to see.I did watch the evening news a little later.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues marching forward,but the road is still rough and rocky all around.Then again,when someone,like myself,suffers and struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one,as it is always difficult.I am continually putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I can be up and feeling good one day and I could be down and not so good the next.Sometimes,it happens on the same day when I can be feeling good and up one minute and down and not so good the next.It is never easy.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only thing that I can continue doing is to still continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I had to really fight this temptation as each and every temptation to masturbate gets even stronger whenever I get an erection during the wee early morning hours.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work as the erection continued to throb.I simply got up and headed for the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and when I reached the bathroom,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished in the bathroom.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural SSA desires that I have can rear it's ugly head before I even realize that it's there.I will just have to keep fighting these urges when they do try to overtake me.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need.It will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor will it give me any feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Aside from the temptation to masturbate any erections away,I still get tempted to act out in other ways.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out to act out sexually with them,but I don't fulfill nor feed that temptation.Whenever that temptation starts to rare it's ugly head,I choose to stay home instead of going out as I know that it will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what type of that it is,will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more until it becomes and addiction as well as an obsession.Acting out will never connect me with my lost maleness in any way.I still have to continually seek out real male friends and simply learn from them.Regarding the male friends,I simply want to relate,identify and connect in a healthy authentic way with other men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.Plus,God never intended for men to be Homosexual as he intended each and every man to be Heterosexual as that what he intended sexuality to be and he also created woman for a reason.Though I am still applying the advice that one follower of my blog did share and I am putting the advice to good use,I am still open to any suggestions or any advice on how I can continue to resist these temptations.Anything said and shared is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Monday afternoon recovery group.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ