Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and after that was done,I headed over to a local store to pick up a couple of things for the home.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After finishing that,I left to do a few more things that needed to get done.
I simply stopped at a few of the stores to pick up several items that were needed for the home.After paying for those,I also headed for the drug store to pick up my mother's prescription and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating an early light dinner,I got dressed up and I headed over to the church for the Christmas program that they were putting on.I wanted to see this for myself.I haven't attended any Christmas programs in many years and this was to be my first one in a very long time.
The Christmas program was wonderful.I really enjoyed the program very much and had so much wonderful fellowship with those who came to watch it and there were quite a bit more people there than there ever were on Sunday's.I left and headed straight home after all of that was over and stayed home for the rest of the evening.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.After that,I got ready for bed.Overall,a very good day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,struggling and dealing with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues to go positively in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,though my temptation to act out is nil at best,I am continuing to learn that there are those who will still continue to refuse to believe in the truth about Homosexuality.They still keep saying that Homosexuals are born Homosexual and that there is nothing that can be done about it.I already know that the "born that way" theory that many try to connect with Homosexuality is a lie and that it has no scientific proof to prove the point at all.Despite the persecution and what they world is trying to do,I am still going to continue to persevere in my journey out of Homosexuality and ignore the unbelief of the rest of the world as I won't back down.I know that the rest of the world wants me to stay Homosexual,but I am going down this road and I am going to continue going down this road.This is my journey and not the worlds.I know the truth about Homosexuality and that truth has set me free.I am no longer ensnared by the trap of Homosexuality and I am happier that I don't have to act out if I really want to.I am still going to pursue this road to being the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be.I don't know when I will reach that plateau,but I know that I will be even more joyful when I do reach it.Still,I am seeking any advice or suggestions to avoid giving in to temptation in the near future.Any help would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,which will be the holiday,I will be attending the morning's church service and I am expecting to be there for a little longer than usual.As for the rest of the day when I get home,my mom and I will be going over to my nieces house for dinner.After that,I will just take it easy and relax for a while while watching a DVD or two.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive note.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did a little cleaning up around the house after breakfast.When I was done with cleaning up,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had some important stuff that I needed to get done.I first went to the post office to mail out a few things that needed to be mailed out.After that,I did some last minute shopping at one of the local stores because my mom and I forgot someone in the family and we felt guilty about forgetting this.After I was done doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local convenience store to buy something for myself.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did a little bit more personal PC work.For much of the time left,I watched a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early last night and again early this morning.I gave in by masturbating on both occasions and it was both emotional and sexual.I really felt terrible after both of these and it was a tremendous weight on me.The temptation to act out is really strong with me at this moment and I really don't know what I will do if it temptation rears it's ugliness again.I only felt bad because I know that masturbation will never get me what I really want.Masturbation will really never connect me with my lost maleness as this is the main reason why men who struggle with SSA masturbate.I know that it will never be that way at all as masturbation only creates feelings of emptyness in the same manner as acting out on these desires with another man also creates feelings of emptyness.I am really seeking help,suggestions and/or advice.If anyone can help,please do so the best way that you can.I am really desperate here and I don't know whether I am coming or going.Again,any help is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am hoping to attend the Christmas program at the church and I am hoping that it is a wonderful program indeed.I do have to do some stuff early in the day,but still,I am hoping to attend the program.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I managed to wake up in the early morning,though it was a little later than usual as a result my late taking of my medication last night as a result of the complications from last night,and bathed.After cleaning up,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee,but I did have a third later in the morning as I still felt tired,and after breakfast,I did my personal PC work.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had to attend a spirituality group this morning and I was looking forward to that.I always look forward to this group each and every week in the same manner as I always look forward to attending church on Sunday morning.I arrived there with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation.
The group was terrific.I got a lot out of it and after it was over,I headed for a local community kitchen for lunch.
After lunch,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.I ended the evening watching some holiday themed DVD's,which I wanted to do last night,but couldn't due to the "Spur of the Moment" stuff that altered my plans.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies,which I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of on a daily basis,continues to be positive.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out.I felt the temptation this morning as I was waking up from sleep.I had a hard time getting up and started to manipulate my genitals,but stopped myself from doing so.I got up and walked around tiredly in hopes of getting rid of the temptation,which I did.The temptation this morning was really strong and I almost gave in to that temptation.But after that brief walk around the house,I settled into my normal routine and it was okay.Still,I am seeking advice and suggestions from anyone out there who is reading my blog because I need to know of any new ways to resist the temptation to act out.I am open to any suggestions or advice.Thanks to anyone who shares.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I bathed as usual and after my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work after breakfast and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I stayed at home for much of the day as I was getting ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.My appointment with her was in the mid afternoon and I just wanted to be ready for it.I simply did some stuff at home while awaiting the time for me to leave for my appointment.When the time did come,I headed for the office.
While on the way there,my cell phone rang and it was my sexual abuse support counselor calling me to let me know that she had to cancel our meeting today as a result of an emergency that had just happened.We rescheduled our appointment and after I hung up,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local bargain outlet closeout store to pick up something that my mom needed for Christmas.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I was hoping to simply take it easy for a while and watch some holiday themed DVD's that I have,but one of those "spur of the moment" things happened.My oldest sister was coming in for the holiday and asked my locally living sister if she could pick her up,but she said that she couldn't because she had to get up in the morning,but insisted that I do it,which really caught me off guard.As a result of this,I had to hold off on taking my medication for a while until I had heard from my oldest sister.I waited for a little 2 and 1/2 hours when she finally rang.I went and picked her up and the traffic into getting there wasn't that bad.
When I got there,I had a hard time finding the pick up place where she was located at,but I managed to find it and after she had her stuff in the car,we headed back home and it was a pretty difficult ride as I always wanted to make sure that I was taking the right ways to get back to the home city.When we finally made it back,I dropped my oldest sister off at my other sister's house and after that,I headed straight home as I was feeling tired as my medication was starting to kick in as I took it later than I was supposed to as a result of this unexpected happening.
Overall,it was still a pretty good day despite the complications and my being forced to alter my plans.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,still dealing and struggling with that and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my unnatural desires.Today,my temptation to act out on them was really strong.I really had the urge to manipulate my genitals for the sake of getting them erect or near erect so I could masturbate until I climax.That temptation was just as strong as all the other days that they were strong.I know that acting out in any way,shape or form will never get me what I want,which is gender affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.I also know that acting out will only affirm the so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity and that is the type of affirmation that I don't want at all.I want to be affirmed as A MAN because that is what I am.I am A MAN and that is all that I am and that is the affirmation that I need and also want.Again,fellow readers,if any of you can give me any words of advice or suggestions of any sort,please share.I am open to anything positive.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be positive.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,after my early morning bath and my usual quick breakfast alongside my usual 2 cups of coffee,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I had several things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done before the holiday comes.
I first headed over to the post office as I had to mail out a couple of important things that needed to be mailed out.After doing that,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill.After doing that,I headed back to the home city to go to a local supermarket to pick up a few things for the holiday.After paying for those articles,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I unpacked all the groceries and I put them in their proper places.After doing that,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also ran one more errand before calling it a night.I also did some more personal PC work when I came home to stay for the rest of the night.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I really wasn't tempted at all.I really didn't know why.I am usually feeling tempted in the early morning hours when I wake up from my nights sleep.But today,the temptation was nil at best.I simply went through the day doing what I had set out to do and today,no feelings of temptation.Though nothing today,I have to keep in mind that tomorrow is another day and the temptation could arise again and I have to be on guard when that happens.Again,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions of any sort and if anyone who regularly reads my blog regularly wants to give that,I am open to all of it.Thanks in advance to anyone who offers.
As for tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed.I had a busy day planned for today and I wanted to make sure that everything was working out.
Before going to my groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where they had the groups.I had two of them to attend today and I was looking forward to them.
The groups went well.They went better than I expected them to.After they were finished,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did a little bit more personal PC work and after that,watched a holiday DVD or two.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with them.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am ashamed to admit that I gave into temptation early this morning.I actually masturbated and it was both sexual and emotional.I just can't seem to get the images of naked men flooding my mind off of my mind.I am wondering what am I doing wrong.This is the third consecutive time that I have given into temptation by masturbating.My desires are really getting strong.My temptation to act out on them is also strong.I don't really want to act out on my desires because I know that acting out won't get me what I want and I know that I will never really be satisfied with just one man as I will want to have it with other men as well,because that is what the so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" is all about.It is a life of never ending sexual promoscuity where the real man for any man in that life will never ever find.He will always have sex with a different man every time he turns around.That is something that I don't nor ever would want.I have had enough hurt feelings from that life and I don't want to go back to that.With the knowledge of the Homosexual condition that I have now,why would I want to go back to that life.That would be like as Proverbs 26:11 says about "a dog returning to it's own vomit. so a fool repeats his foolishness" and 2nd Peter 2:22 says repeating not only about the dog but also of "a sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud". What I am trying to say is that once a person knows the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and chooses to take in more of that truth by continuing to gain knowledge of the condition and also by reading the Holy Bible alongside it and doing what it takes to be free and no longer be enslaved by that immoral and sinful lifestyle,why would they want to go back and repeat the same old sexual thrills that led them nowhere in the first place.If a person now knowing the truth returns to that lifestyle,despite the fact that they know the truth,it would be just like it says in both those scriptures.Why would anyone want to return to that sexually immoral life that they once lived now knowing the truth?It wouldn't make sense.It would be as those scriptures pointed out.Again,I am really being tempted as of late and I really need some help.If anyone out there reads my blog regularly and can offer some suggestions,advice or anything that can be vital for my survival from the immoral and unnatural desires of the Homosexual/SSA condition,please share.I am desperate here and I really could use some advice and much needed help right now.Thanks in advance for providing anything that could benefit me.
Tomorrow,I have mail out an important letter and I also have to pay one of my credit card bills at a store out of the city.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues very positively.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
This morning,when I woke up,I bathed and I really hurried with it.I wanted to make sure that I was cleaned,dressed and ready for this morning's church service.I was looking forward to this morning's service with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
After my bath,before I got dressed,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hastily did 3/4 of my personal PC work and after that was done,I hastily got dressed up and when the time came to leave,I headed over to the church for the service.
The service was wonderful.The church is really getting ready for the arrival of Christmas and it looks like that it will be a wonderful season.These particular services are the very the first Advent and Christmas styled services that I have attended in many years and this morning,it was yet another wonderful service and the fellowship with the people before and after the service was terrific.I even met some people that I hadn't met before until this morning.I was smiling today at all of this and was once again really overwhelmed by it all.I even had a wonderful talk with the pastor and after all of the fellowship,I headed straight home.
It also felt strange going to church and helping to ring in the season of Christmas and this being the fourth Sunday of Advent,with Christmas actually being next Sunday.The last religious group that I was involved with didn't even celebrate Christmas nor observed anything having to do with the holiday season as a whole.Though it still felt strange for me,I still enjoyed this service as much as I have been enjoying every service and I will be attending next Sunday as next Sunday will be Christmas.I will be looking forward to next Sunday's service for sure.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes because I had some errands that I needed to run.Before running them,I finished my personal PC work.
When I went out to run them,I had to stop at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local restaurant to have a light lunch.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while and I also watched a couple of DVD's while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
Though my recovery from the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to be positive,I am still dealing and struggling with that on a daily basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating and it was both emotional and sexual.I really felt lousy afterwards when I gave into that meaningless temptation as I know that masturbating will never give me what I want as far as needs go.I need to be affirmed by my fellow man and I need to feel the authenticity that goes with that affirmation.I want to feel like A MAN and not the opposite.I want to be A MAN that finds the opposite sex more sexually attractive as I no longer want to find men more sexually attractive.With the knowledge that I have now,why would I want to go back to that sinful sexual lifestyle that God abhors in his word the Holy Bible?God condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender in both the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible.The Holy Bible is God's own word and what it says about this type of thing is that it is wrong to engage in sexual activity between two or more members of the same gender.I want to do the right thing by resisting the temptation to engage in that sort of sexual activity,but my desires want me to do the opposite.Again,as I stated yesterday,I hate finding men more sexually attractive than women.I want to be a normal guy that finds women more attractive and really want to love a woman like a man is supposed to do in the same manner that a woman wants to love a man as God intended us humans and sexuality to be.God never intended sexuality to be used and abused the way that it is being used and abused by the vast majority of the world.He gave sexuality as a gift to be enjoyed in a healthy manner between a man and woman who really love each other and they use it as an expression of that love between the two of them.I asked before and I will ask again;If anyone out there who reads my blog regularly can give me any advice and/or suggestions on how I can resist the temptation to act by masturbation,pornography with masturbation,manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes and all the emotional stuff that goes with it,I am open to anything.Thanks in advance.
Regarding today,my temptation to act out is nil at best.I have no cravings to act out at the moment.I guess going to church this morning had a lot to do with it.I am hoping that my temptation to act out remains nil for the rest of the day.I know that I still have to be on guard because temptation can rear it's ugly head at me and really get me going again.So,I need to be on guard and watchful.Again,any advice and/or suggestions are always appreciated.Thanks again in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I need to attend.After them,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ