Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed.I had a busy day planned for today and I wanted to make sure that everything was working out.
Before going to my groups,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the place where they had the groups.I had two of them to attend today and I was looking forward to them.
The groups went well.They went better than I expected them to.After they were finished,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did a little bit more personal PC work and after that,watched a holiday DVD or two.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with them.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am ashamed to admit that I gave into temptation early this morning.I actually masturbated and it was both sexual and emotional.I just can't seem to get the images of naked men flooding my mind off of my mind.I am wondering what am I doing wrong.This is the third consecutive time that I have given into temptation by masturbating.My desires are really getting strong.My temptation to act out on them is also strong.I don't really want to act out on my desires because I know that acting out won't get me what I want and I know that I will never really be satisfied with just one man as I will want to have it with other men as well,because that is what the so called "Homosexual/Gay lifestyle" is all about.It is a life of never ending sexual promoscuity where the real man for any man in that life will never ever find.He will always have sex with a different man every time he turns around.That is something that I don't nor ever would want.I have had enough hurt feelings from that life and I don't want to go back to that.With the knowledge of the Homosexual condition that I have now,why would I want to go back to that life.That would be like as Proverbs 26:11 says about "a dog returning to it's own vomit. so a fool repeats his foolishness" and 2nd Peter 2:22 says repeating not only about the dog but also of "a sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud". What I am trying to say is that once a person knows the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and chooses to take in more of that truth by continuing to gain knowledge of the condition and also by reading the Holy Bible alongside it and doing what it takes to be free and no longer be enslaved by that immoral and sinful lifestyle,why would they want to go back and repeat the same old sexual thrills that led them nowhere in the first place.If a person now knowing the truth returns to that lifestyle,despite the fact that they know the truth,it would be just like it says in both those scriptures.Why would anyone want to return to that sexually immoral life that they once lived now knowing the truth?It wouldn't make sense.It would be as those scriptures pointed out.Again,I am really being tempted as of late and I really need some help.If anyone out there reads my blog regularly and can offer some suggestions,advice or anything that can be vital for my survival from the immoral and unnatural desires of the Homosexual/SSA condition,please share.I am desperate here and I really could use some advice and much needed help right now.Thanks in advance for providing anything that could benefit me.
Tomorrow,I have mail out an important letter and I also have to pay one of my credit card bills at a store out of the city.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ