Tonight,my road to recovery continues on a positive note.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I also did a little cleaning up around the house after breakfast.When I was done with cleaning up,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had some important stuff that I needed to get done.I first went to the post office to mail out a few things that needed to be mailed out.After that,I did some last minute shopping at one of the local stores because my mom and I forgot someone in the family and we felt guilty about forgetting this.After I was done doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local convenience store to buy something for myself.After that,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did a little bit more personal PC work.For much of the time left,I watched a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early last night and again early this morning.I gave in by masturbating on both occasions and it was both emotional and sexual.I really felt terrible after both of these and it was a tremendous weight on me.The temptation to act out is really strong with me at this moment and I really don't know what I will do if it temptation rears it's ugliness again.I only felt bad because I know that masturbation will never get me what I really want.Masturbation will really never connect me with my lost maleness as this is the main reason why men who struggle with SSA masturbate.I know that it will never be that way at all as masturbation only creates feelings of emptyness in the same manner as acting out on these desires with another man also creates feelings of emptyness.I am really seeking help,suggestions and/or advice.If anyone can help,please do so the best way that you can.I am really desperate here and I don't know whether I am coming or going.Again,any help is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I am hoping to attend the Christmas program at the church and I am hoping that it is a wonderful program indeed.I do have to do some stuff early in the day,but still,I am hoping to attend the program.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ