Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I bathed as usual and after my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work after breakfast and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I stayed at home for much of the day as I was getting ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.My appointment with her was in the mid afternoon and I just wanted to be ready for it.I simply did some stuff at home while awaiting the time for me to leave for my appointment.When the time did come,I headed for the office.
While on the way there,my cell phone rang and it was my sexual abuse support counselor calling me to let me know that she had to cancel our meeting today as a result of an emergency that had just happened.We rescheduled our appointment and after I hung up,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local bargain outlet closeout store to pick up something that my mom needed for Christmas.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I was hoping to simply take it easy for a while and watch some holiday themed DVD's that I have,but one of those "spur of the moment" things happened.My oldest sister was coming in for the holiday and asked my locally living sister if she could pick her up,but she said that she couldn't because she had to get up in the morning,but insisted that I do it,which really caught me off guard.As a result of this,I had to hold off on taking my medication for a while until I had heard from my oldest sister.I waited for a little 2 and 1/2 hours when she finally rang.I went and picked her up and the traffic into getting there wasn't that bad.
When I got there,I had a hard time finding the pick up place where she was located at,but I managed to find it and after she had her stuff in the car,we headed back home and it was a pretty difficult ride as I always wanted to make sure that I was taking the right ways to get back to the home city.When we finally made it back,I dropped my oldest sister off at my other sister's house and after that,I headed straight home as I was feeling tired as my medication was starting to kick in as I took it later than I was supposed to as a result of this unexpected happening.
Overall,it was still a pretty good day despite the complications and my being forced to alter my plans.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,still dealing and struggling with that and their symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being tempted to act out on my unnatural desires.Today,my temptation to act out on them was really strong.I really had the urge to manipulate my genitals for the sake of getting them erect or near erect so I could masturbate until I climax.That temptation was just as strong as all the other days that they were strong.I know that acting out in any way,shape or form will never get me what I want,which is gender affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.I also know that acting out will only affirm the so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity and that is the type of affirmation that I don't want at all.I want to be affirmed as A MAN because that is what I am.I am A MAN and that is all that I am and that is the affirmation that I need and also want.Again,fellow readers,if any of you can give me any words of advice or suggestions of any sort,please share.I am open to anything positive.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ