Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things to do.
I first went to McDonalds to enjoy a Shamrock shake as this was the last day.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a bottle of dish detergent.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery improves and that I start to feel better soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight the temptation to masturbate it away.I really tossed and turned to fight this temptation and I finally fell back asleep when my penis softened.Though I escaped this one,I know that the temptation to masturbate,or to act out in other ways other than finding a male partner to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can really be strong.I will just have to fight and fight when it does rear it's ugly head again.I don't get erections too often,but when I do indeed get one,my temptation to masturbate it away can be strong.Again,I'll just have to keep fighting the temptation and again,I am open to any ideas or suggestions as to how I can continue to fight the temptation.
Tomorrow,I am hoping to attend the morning's church service and it's Holy Bible study class before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much planned for today.I simply relaxed and read for a while and watched a little TV.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I had an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church and to do a little bit of grocery shopping.So,I decided to read some stuff while eagerly awaiting the time.
When it came time,I headed for the church to meet with the pastor.
The meeting went great.After the hour was over,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up several things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and eagerly awaited for dinner to be ready.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night by masturbating.I masturbated last night and after the whole thing,I felt really miserable and felt that I had failed.This is the second consecutive fall this week.It only made me feel miserable because masturbation has a negative effect on my healing from unwanted SSA.It only makes matters worse instead of better.Plus,masturbation won't get me any closer to my lost maleness in any way,shape or form.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Masturbation,in my case,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me farther away from the true goals,such as being affirmed as a male and feeling like a man.Masturbation is unclean,inappropriate and unhealthy.I want to stop this dirty habit.I am still open to any ideas or suggestions.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much planned for today.I simply relaxed and read for a while and watched a little TV.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I had an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church and to do a little bit of grocery shopping.So,I decided to read some stuff while eagerly awaiting the time.
When it came time,I headed for the church to meet with the pastor.
The meeting went great.After the hour was over,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up several things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and eagerly awaited for dinner to be ready.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night by masturbating.I masturbated last night and after the whole thing,I felt really miserable and felt that I had failed.This is the second consecutive fall this week.It only made me feel miserable because masturbation has a negative effect on my healing from unwanted SSA.It only makes matters worse instead of better.Plus,masturbation won't get me any closer to my lost maleness in any way,shape or form.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Masturbation,in my case,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me farther away from the true goals,such as being affirmed as a male and feeling like a man.Masturbation is unclean,inappropriate and unhealthy.I want to stop this dirty habit.I am still open to any ideas or suggestions.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first attended my spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed there with a positive outlook.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the group was over,I headed over to a local community kitchen and had lunch.After lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery improves and that I start feeling better soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I wanted to take my genitals in my hand and masturbate it away.But instead,I fought it by constantly tossing and turning until my penis softened.I fell back asleep once it was soft.Though I escaped this,I still need to stay on guard and be watchful.I know that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep fighting the temptation to act out by masturbating or any other way without seeking a male partner to act out with.I no longer want anything sexual with a man nor do I want to pursue anything of that sort at all.I want to steer clear away from anything like that.Still,I would like some words of encouragement and advice to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first attended my spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed there with a positive outlook.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the group was over,I headed over to a local community kitchen and had lunch.After lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery improves and that I start feeling better soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I wanted to take my genitals in my hand and masturbate it away.But instead,I fought it by constantly tossing and turning until my penis softened.I fell back asleep once it was soft.Though I escaped this,I still need to stay on guard and be watchful.I know that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep fighting the temptation to act out by masturbating or any other way without seeking a male partner to act out with.I no longer want anything sexual with a man nor do I want to pursue anything of that sort at all.I want to steer clear away from anything like that.Still,I would like some words of encouragement and advice to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues uninterrupted.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things to do and I wanted to get them done.
I was supposed to meet with my sexual abuse support counselor today,but the office called me and cancelled because my counselor had a family emergency and wasn't in the office as a result of that.I do have an appointment with the counselor 2 weeks from now and that is okay.After hanging up,I had to alter my plans today to fill in this cancellation.
Because of the cancellation,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill and also,to get a few things that were needed for a new video recorder that I bought a few days ago.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues uninterrupted,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation today.I masturbated this morning.Yes,I did.I really felt bad about giving into the temptation to masturbate.I felt bad because I know that masturbation will never give me what I want nor will it make me any closer to my lost maleness.I want to feel like a man and act and react like a man.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation doesn't give me any fulfillment of any needs that I have that need to be fulfilled.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Why I keep doing it is a mystery to me.I want to stop masturbating.Again,if anyone out there has any ideas or suggestions on how I can accomplish this,I welcome them.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things to do and I wanted to get them done.
I was supposed to meet with my sexual abuse support counselor today,but the office called me and cancelled because my counselor had a family emergency and wasn't in the office as a result of that.I do have an appointment with the counselor 2 weeks from now and that is okay.After hanging up,I had to alter my plans today to fill in this cancellation.
Because of the cancellation,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill and also,to get a few things that were needed for a new video recorder that I bought a few days ago.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues uninterrupted,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation today.I masturbated this morning.Yes,I did.I really felt bad about giving into the temptation to masturbate.I felt bad because I know that masturbation will never give me what I want nor will it make me any closer to my lost maleness.I want to feel like a man and act and react like a man.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation doesn't give me any fulfillment of any needs that I have that need to be fulfilled.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Why I keep doing it is a mystery to me.I want to stop masturbating.Again,if anyone out there has any ideas or suggestions on how I can accomplish this,I welcome them.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the later morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to prepare for the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I had an appointment to see my general doctor and I was hoping that it would go well.
The meeting with my doctor went well.After leaving the office,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted early this morning to masturbate when I was awakened by an erection.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and start masturbating.But again,I fought the urge by tossing and turning and fell back asleep when the erection died down.Though I escaped that episode,the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to keep fighting the urge when it comes around.I do get tempted to act out when least expected.Again,any advice or suggestions are welcomed.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.As for the rest of the day.I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the later morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to prepare for the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I had an appointment to see my general doctor and I was hoping that it would go well.
The meeting with my doctor went well.After leaving the office,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted early this morning to masturbate when I was awakened by an erection.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and start masturbating.But again,I fought the urge by tossing and turning and fell back asleep when the erection died down.Though I escaped that episode,the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to keep fighting the urge when it comes around.I do get tempted to act out when least expected.Again,any advice or suggestions are welcomed.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.As for the rest of the day.I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, March 12, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed immediately.I had a lot planned for today and I wanted to make sure that they were accomplished.
I first went to my two groups that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to these groups.
The meetings went great.After the groups were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed for a nearby supermarket to buy several groceries for the house.After paying for the groceries,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed for a bit.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve soon.It has been a rocky road for me in terms of my recovery,but I am remaining hopeful and optimistic that it will improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still also dealing with those day by day.I am still putting up with the desires and my fight to resist acting out on them in any way,shape or form.It isn't easy fighting the temptation to act out,but the fight to resist the temptation is worth it.I don't want my desires to own me nor do I want them to define who I am as a person,mostly as a man.I have to continually keep in mind that my body is biologically hardwired to be compatible with a female as I am a male.I also have to continually keep in mind that God made man and woman,Adam and Eve,and that there are no substitutes for that.I know that God only condemns the sexual activity of Homosexuality as he never intended sexuality to be that way at all.He intended sexuality to be between a man and a woman and not between two members of the same gender.He finds that type of activity immoral,unnatural and inappropriate.God only condemns the activity and not the condition.He helps heal the Homosexual if they really and seriously want to heal.Homosexuals can become the people that God intended them to be and with God,all things are possible.Again,I am still in the fight and I am always looking for any new ways to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my general doctor and I am hoping that the meeting with her goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed immediately.I had a lot planned for today and I wanted to make sure that they were accomplished.
I first went to my two groups that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to these groups.
The meetings went great.After the groups were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed for a nearby supermarket to buy several groceries for the house.After paying for the groceries,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed for a bit.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve soon.It has been a rocky road for me in terms of my recovery,but I am remaining hopeful and optimistic that it will improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still also dealing with those day by day.I am still putting up with the desires and my fight to resist acting out on them in any way,shape or form.It isn't easy fighting the temptation to act out,but the fight to resist the temptation is worth it.I don't want my desires to own me nor do I want them to define who I am as a person,mostly as a man.I have to continually keep in mind that my body is biologically hardwired to be compatible with a female as I am a male.I also have to continually keep in mind that God made man and woman,Adam and Eve,and that there are no substitutes for that.I know that God only condemns the sexual activity of Homosexuality as he never intended sexuality to be that way at all.He intended sexuality to be between a man and a woman and not between two members of the same gender.He finds that type of activity immoral,unnatural and inappropriate.God only condemns the activity and not the condition.He helps heal the Homosexual if they really and seriously want to heal.Homosexuals can become the people that God intended them to be and with God,all things are possible.Again,I am still in the fight and I am always looking for any new ways to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my general doctor and I am hoping that the meeting with her goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit to head for church this morning to attend both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the morning worship service afterwards.I was looking forward to both of these with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I got a lot out of both of these things.After some wonderful fellowship after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I had a quick lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.
After I was done with my PC work,I headed out to the local Big Lots to check out what they had on sale.I didn't buy much and after leaving,I headed over to the nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up something.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night by masturbating.It is the second consecutive fall for me in the past two days.I felt really bad after the fall as I know that masturbation will never give me what I want,which is to connect with my lost maleness.I want to connect to that,but masturbation will only keep me as far away from it as not having any men to confide,trust,bond and connect with on a healthy and authentic manner.I want to do that.I also want to stop this senseless masturbation habit.Masturbation is dirty,unclean and won't give me the fulfillment or satisfaction that I want and also need.Again,I am open to any suggestions or advice.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit to head for church this morning to attend both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the morning worship service afterwards.I was looking forward to both of these with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I got a lot out of both of these things.After some wonderful fellowship after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I had a quick lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.
After I was done with my PC work,I headed out to the local Big Lots to check out what they had on sale.I didn't buy much and after leaving,I headed over to the nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up something.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation last night by masturbating.It is the second consecutive fall for me in the past two days.I felt really bad after the fall as I know that masturbation will never give me what I want,which is to connect with my lost maleness.I want to connect to that,but masturbation will only keep me as far away from it as not having any men to confide,trust,bond and connect with on a healthy and authentic manner.I want to do that.I also want to stop this senseless masturbation habit.Masturbation is dirty,unclean and won't give me the fulfillment or satisfaction that I want and also need.Again,I am open to any suggestions or advice.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of groups that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
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